My gran has alzhemiers, and this developed when there were a few rifts in the family shall we say.
Basically my father is her next of kin these days, as his only brother ripped her off for loads of money before going awol. NO ONE has seen him in 4 years at least (theres an outstanding police warrant too so i mean no one). gran lives near her sister, but dad lives abroad so she does day to day etc as nana is used to seeing her all the time.
Social services call us when theres anything like consents needed (like for anestetic when she broke her hip) and I ferry calls etc, but on advice from her doctors as she is violent etc (she was sectioned, it took a few police to get her in the ambulance) we dont visit very much. Last time my brother went she had to be sedated after as she was screaming at him that he wasnt him an imposter etc. Last birthday call she was telling my dad to pay them whatever ransom they wanted etc. I know its waffle but its just so you understand we are interested but not local and its all on doctors advice we dont visit etc.
There was a family bust up earlier in the year when sister and her H went in to the home with a priest and got her to sign over her bank accounts, so now dad doesnt deal with them. He doesnt have the money to go for them legally over it unfortunately, and not much we can do without we've been told.
Now, its 10 days until Christmas and sisters H has sent me her funeral arrangements.No care that its a total shock that her funeral has been arranged let alone done without us!! not to mention the arrangements are bollocks. AIBU to be really upset at the first I'm told of this is opening a letter and pulling out a fucking funeral plan!?! and this time of year too! This man is family, his W if my godmother as well as my GAunt and all i get is a slip of paper saying please forward this to your father. They have my number, his number. My cousins also live nearer Gran and have me & dad on FB so all I can assume is either they werent aware of this "plan" or didnt bother tell me or dad either!!
(sorry for any spelling mistakes etc, TBH here on my own and really upset so not best typing conditions)
AIBU?
to be utterly offended and upset at my family.
MrsTwinks · 15/12/2011 11:52
I would be very surprised if they had actually got things signed over to them I think they have her money but are pulling the wool in how they got it. My gran is in a home and both my dad and my uncle have control over her personal matters. Before she entered the home and before her Alzheimer's diagnosis ie she was having "spells" of confusion and unusual personality traits but was the majority of the time appearing lucid and well, my uncle and dad looked into making some changes in how their personal responsibility was shared between the two of them. They were told in no uncertain terms that my gran was in no fit mental state to consent to it so was unable to sign anything.
Is it at all possible they are lying about them having legal control? Could they have written ip their own contract and got the priest 
at the priest agreeing and that it isn't legal at all.
The funeral letter was in poor taste and can see it was a shock although when my grans health began to deteriorate she Sid plan her own funeral and pay for it so that nobody had to worry about that when she goes.
I can appreciate doing it, but we werent told they were and the arrangements are a little 
one car to follow, and in my dads words that'll be a squeeze as him, uncle (if they can find him) 10 Gdc's, 9 GreatGdc's and those two who organised it. Maybe not cars for everyone but more than one surely. Oh no they only need a car right. Arrangements for burial with my grandfather also seem a bit half arsed TBH, no provision for a headstone for her or anything more than her in the box in the ground with those two attending. Is that usual for these things?
its not a power of attorney they got her to sign as far as we know. Only giving access to her bank accounts. Much more dodgy 
but we've had very little help as Dad is abroad and I'm not next of kin. We've also been demonised by the family at large (irish catholic so HUGE) for objecting to them doing this, so its a bit us against everyone else saying oh its ok they're helping. helping themselves more like
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.