WWYD? re nasty neighbour(29 Posts)
Posting for high traffic as I am totatally unsure of what to do in this situation.
I live in a small block of flats (3 floors), I live on the top floor with my toddler.
The woman who lives below me has been cusing trouble for me for some time. She was fine when i first moved in but after a few weeks I started to find out from other neighbours that she is making up stories and rumours about me
Shortly after I moved in I unfortunately went through a terrible miscarriage. It was around this time that she went out of her way to tell the neighbours that I am a prostitute!
Granted, I had 3 men (along with women) coming to and from my flat (My son's father collecting his son and helping me with childcare while I was bed bound, My boyfriend because well, he was my boyfriend, and a mutual male friend who ran a few errands for me).
That was really upsetting for me as you can imagine, I've just lost a child, sex is the last thing on my mind let alone prostitution! I know she didn't know my circumstances but that is still no reason to spead such horrible rumours is it?
She works with my landlord and although she has never said anything like that to him, she has complainined about me 'running round screaming and jumping on the bed at 2am' When she claimed that this had happened I was sleeping on a blow up bed the opposite side of the flat as I had not yet brought a bed to sleep in. Plus, I would have been sleeping and unable to scream without waking my son up. So have no idea where she is getting that from.
She has also complined 4 times (that I am aware of) about my son banging too much when he is toddling around.He is 20 months, I cannot physically chain him down all day long. Luckilly, my landlord is lovely and just ignores her and assures me it is not as problem as he understands children cant just sit down all day.
She has in the past saidbad things about other neighbours to me. My other neighbours are lovely
This morning I was speaking to one of my other neighbours that had borrowed my vacuum. He told me he spoke to her yesterday as he had had a complaint and wanted to try and find out who he had disturbed. She apparently said 'well it might be her on the top floor, she has always been a bit of a funny one. yes, deffinately her'. I have spoke to this woman 3 times since living here. All 3 occaisions it was short and sweet and nothing was said out of the ordinary. (Disclaimer: It most deffinately wasn't me who complained.)
I'm getting tired of these constant accusations and rumours from a woman who doesn't even know me. I'm tired of her complaining over nothing. I wouldn't mind if she came up and said something to me so i could at least try (not sure how) to be more quiet. But she just runs off straight to the landlord.
She is causing problems in more ways now. The past couple of months she/ her 20 year old son have been waking my son up throughout the night slamming doors in arguments, or him coming home drunk and
screeching singing at the top of his voice in the middle of the night in the hallway.
I haven't said anything as of yet because I am not normally the sort of person to do so. I was aware when moving into a block of flats that there would be some noise from neighbours, I was prepared for that. But it is getting out of hand.
I guess what I am asking id would it be unreasonable to find her landlords details and complain about her noise for once? I know her landlord couldn't do anything about her making rumours, I don't think there actually is anything I can do about that
Wow, this was long sorry. It's probably more of a rant then anything
If no one else pays her the blind bit of notice, they're not going to be believing these rumours about you just like you don't believe the rumours about them.
YANBU that's it's a total PITA, but the best way to deal with these people is to rise above it and have lovely eye-rolling moments with your
sane other neighbours about how daft it all is!
My first reaction would be to ignore her. She sounds awful and spiteful, but obviously everyone thinks she's a loon and ignores her (thankfully)
Its difficult with neighbours because while you would be within your rights to complain to her or her landlord, she could be the sort of person who would step up the harassment.
I'm really sorry I can't offer any good advice. One of the few things I've learnt in my short time on this earth is you can't reason with
a loon some people and its often difficult to ignore them.
(And sorry for your loss )
I think YWBU, as annoying as it is, I think that playinmg fire with fire will not help this situation, if the son is really causing a problem, call the emergancy numer and say there is an aggressive argument happing downstairs and you have a baby in the flat. I had to do this on occassions when I lived in a flat, the people downstairs owned theres as did I so landlordfs was not an option. the police will not divulge who has complained, but I would only do this if your son is awoken and distressed. IMHO this is a storm in a tea cup, if her actions arent taken seriously enough by any one she is a silly old woman who is failing to cause any harm. snigger at her patheticness and ignore.
That's what is worrying me. The neighbour i spoke to today knows I am not a prostitute now. But when he first moved in and spoke to her he believed her. everyone in this block is new since i moved in (apart from her) and I wouldn't put it past her to say it to them either. I just don't want everyone thinking that of me.
I will rise above it and not say anything. I just can't stand knowing what most of my neighbours might think of me.
OP I'm really sorry for your loss first of all. I agree with others who say you should ignore the ridiculous rumours - it sounds like none of your other neighbours or your landlord believe a word she says. She sounds like one sad bitter twisted person to me. Absolutely not fair though that she's taking her bitterness out on you! Do you think she could be jealous of you? Attractive healthy younger woman with a lovely little one and lots of friends?
The noise however is obviously not something that you can ignore so easily. I'm watching with interest as I have a similar problem and have just started a thread about it on the WWYD board!
I would say ' apparently I'm a prostitute, some loser is making up rumours about me, so I may as well live up to them! Watch out for all the visitors'
I have had similar problems and exhausted many chanels but once I did begin to ignore it the stomach churning you have described littlest really did go away I think on the scale of what op is describing this kind of behaviour is best being ignored, with the ocassional when needed call to the police. I wasnt in the position to be able to move and Had to deal with it for my sanity in that way.
sorry! bluddymofo, that was responding to your message, not littlest.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
well I wouldnt expect anyone to ignore that mofo. I didnt experience anything quite so severe, it was mostly, noise, drinking pissed up man colapsed on my stairs in a pool of his own piss and shit me attempting to get up with push chair, police responded immediatly on those occassions. and agressive arguments.
the lady did put a note through my door threatening to burn it down, but I did not think she would, she was generaly in a proper drunken stuper. that time I called the police she got sectioned, but not just for the note. but on the whole the drunken noise I did have to ignore.
absolutly agree with you, also as my dd got older the more I interviened the more she became concerned, I would say they are silly old drunk people. I dont think you should have stuck your ground at all, If you are in the position to move on then that is what most people would and should do. I was happy when I finaly sold my flat and moved on far sooner.
I would fire with fire in your case. She's just a silly old bag- not one of the Kray twins. She'll soon back down once she sees you won't play the willing victim.
I have a neighbour who is similar. She has spread nasty rumours about my DS 16, who has never ever done anything to give her reason to say anything like that. Thankfully people she has told know ds very well and ignore her.
She calls the police on a friday night to say there are youths running riot on the school playground, when she knows very well that it's scout night and they are allowed to use the field.
I know it's hard but just rise above it.
Can you record what goes on in the middle of the night?
No no no no no. You weren't fighting fire with fire. You were fighting it with maturity and common sense.
We used to have neighbours who bitched and moaned and threatened to report us to the lettings agent constantly yadda yadda. Funnily enough, after the third or fourth time my ex snuck out in the night and filled their car locks with superglue they put two and two together, and we never heard another peep again.
I find that many people have utterly weird & vindictive behaviour nowadays in the UK.
I'm a teacher in an average comp. In May I went with my colleague who is a brilliant drama teacher to help her lead a trip for 30 x Year 10s to a one-hour performance in a modern theatre in Cambridge.
It was a comedy, fast-moving, brilliantly done, lasting one hour. Our students, along with the rest of the audience, laughed, joined in & applauded when applicable, behaved perfectly well, and left the auditorium in an orderly manner.
My colleague waited ahead of them in the lobby, I waited behind the group, to
allow the other audience members to leave, even though our coach was waiting.
Suddenly, our kids became defensive of my colleague and rushed over to point out to me what was happening.
A well-spoken seemingly normal middle-aged woman was waving her finger in my colleague's face and loudly berating her for 'allowing your kids to laugh loudly and ruining the performance'.
My colleague is 25 and has cerebral palsy, meaning she cannot use her right arm or leg fully, and is clearly disabled, despite being the most positive and energetic person I've ever had the luck to work with. She was humiliated, shocked and close to tears.
Not content with this, the woman, who had attracted a shocked audience by this point, shouted at her: 'Are you STUPID ?' by which point I had got over to them. I stepped in and asked her to stop speaking to my colleague in this way, explaining that young people are just as entitled to attend performances as anybody else, and our students had behaved perfectly well. The only badly-behaved person was her.
She responded by pushing me away from her with her hand flat on my chest, leading me to tell her to remove her hand from me. We ushered the kids into the coach (of course this made their evening and they were in full protective mode of us !), and it was the talk of the school the next day.
Interestingly, when she wrote to the Head to complain, she prefaced her letter with: 'I have mental health issues, and have been the victim of bullying in my community ... your students picked on me when they left the venue while I was unlocking my bike etc. etc.'. This was utter fiction.
I formed the strong opinion that she was actually inventing things to complain about to cover for her own unacceptable behaviour.
We laughed afterwards, but it shocked me that anyone would bear down on a clearly disabled individual and ask them whether they were stupid.
I would not expect this in any other country, but somehow this kind of thing seems to be becoming normal practice in the UK, sadly.
Good luck with your situation and sorry for your loss. Always smile and don't let them get you down.
BluddyMoFo and thepeoplesprincess... brilliant revenge tactics!!
I live in a small block of 4 flats (2 bottom floor, 2 first floor), and I am in one of the FF. About 6months ago, new neighbours moved in to the other FF flat. Luckily the flats are purpose built and we rarely hear day to day noise from any of them.
Then the flat below us became vacant and about 5 months ago 2 young males (not a couple) moved in.
One of these males are in a rock band.
And plays the guitar.
I don't really mind, I like that music and it was never past 8pm, I could get on with my daily things. Only, the flat next to us seemed to have taken offense to the guitar playing. Always, always, within half hour of the guitar going, pumping drum and bass/trance/fucking crap would start from next door.
So we would have (guaranteed by 11am on a saturday) guitar riffs from below and vibrating noise from next door. Apparently my neighbours do not like to use words. They use the shittest music and give me a headache instead.
But guitar player is away for a while. So for the meantime, I have peace...
I think what you have experienced mofo is in the extreme and you should not have to be expected to put up with such vile behaviour but I do think what the op is experiencing is slightly different and does reqiure a different tacktic, maybe just ignoring it will prevent it from esculating. I must also agree I dont think in that case you where fighting fire with fire you must protect your self.
odd first post; what's the relevance of telling us your colleague has cerebral palsy?
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