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AIBU?

AIBU to put a passive aggressive note on this car?

29 replies

toboldlygo · 08/12/2011 21:02

Our street is on-road parking only. Last night I parked on the end of the row behind my neighbour's car. When I went out this morning someone had clearly reversed into my car, cracking the numberplate in two and leaving it dangling, with enough force to remove a chunk of it entirely, and leaving a dent in the grey plastic bumper. Neighbour's car was gone, leaving a large gap in front.

Have just had a look at their rear bumper tonight and there is a small crack and grey plastic smudge at about the right height - however, it's only a very small mark, and of course I didn't see it happen, so proves nothing really. It is entirely possible but unlikely that someone else parked there briefly this morning between both of us leaving. It's also possible that they didn't realise how much damage they'd done; their car is much larger than mine, maybe they had the radio on, didn't hear the impact.

DP is all for leaving the broken numberplate on their windscreen along with an invoice for the replacement plate. I despise passive aggressive notes, hate any confrontation re: cars and parking (so petty, have had parking issues before) and, of course, can't prove it was them.

However, if they are aware that they've caused the damage I don't want them to think they've gotten away with it, IYSWIM. How to proceed? Do I just let it go, for the cost of a replacement plate, and inwardly seethe?

OP posts:

Report

Rhinestone · 08/12/2011 21:05

Go out NOW and take digital photos of damage to your car and their rear bumper, phone the police and get a police number (not reporting an accident is a crime) and ring your insurance company to make a claim and report your suspicions.

Then leave it up to them.

007alert · 08/12/2011 21:06

Go and knock on the door and politely say that it appears they reversed into your car early this morning, that you're sure they are unaware how much damage it has caused, but would they like to come and have a look? Then approah them about payment. IME if you go in either all guns blazing or passive agressive you are likely to out people's backs up and achieve less in the long run. Confront them, in a courteous but firm manner and see where you get.

LoonyRationalist · 08/12/2011 21:06

Just let it go. They probably don't know that they did it & the price of a number plate is worth it for neighbourly harmony. Seething will have more effect on them and a negative effect on your blood pressure.

FabbyChic · 08/12/2011 21:06

Id do as Rhinestone says.

troisgarcons · 08/12/2011 21:07

Might I just say - "passive aggressive" is a wanky term of phrase.

Thank you for reading that.

PoppadumPreach · 08/12/2011 21:08

sadly i think the sensible option is to inwardly seethe. though it's 90% certain they did it, you don't know.

also, you live next to them and the stress of having to live with tension between neighbours i think would outweigh any short term pleasure you might get from raising the issue with him.

just think of it as "one of those little things that are sent to test us"

but feel for you.....

ScaredyDog · 08/12/2011 21:10

"not reporting an accident is a crime"

No, it's not.

I'd just pop round and speak to them. Point out the damage to your car and the mark on theirs and see what they say.

reelingintheyears · 08/12/2011 21:11

I reversed into someone recently....she was so nice and we exchanged details (no choice as i was reversing from my house!) etc thought the damage was minimal.

Never heard a thing back...

MrsPepperpotty · 08/12/2011 21:13

I once reversed into another car with DD screaming in the back, thought 'oh I barely touched them, can't have done much damage' and drove off

Came to my senses when I got home and had to phone round finding out whose car it was and give them a grovelling apology. Oops.

MrsWifty · 08/12/2011 21:15

I'm with LoonyRationalist and PoppadumPreach - dealing with the fallout of a wrong accusation is not worth the possibility of being reimbursed for your numberplate (they only cost about £20 don't they?).

Rhinestone · 08/12/2011 21:15

ScaredyDog - ok, pedant, leaving the scene of an accident without giving the other party your insurance details is a crime. I.e. you have to report your details to someone.

MirandaGoshawk · 08/12/2011 21:16

I would do as 007 says. Go round & politely say that it appears they've bumped into your car, etc. Take photos first though.

Sargesaweyes · 08/12/2011 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toboldlygo · 08/12/2011 21:33

Agree that 'passive aggressive' is wanky but it'd be exactly that kind of note, wouldn't it, if I left one on the car. Like www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/. Doesn't achive much except to make the writer feel righteous and the recipient feel bad like I want to happen.

Do I really have to go round? I hate confrontation and especially hate confrontation over wanky parking issues. And especially especially hate it when it might not even have been them and I'm causing a rift for no reason, or they might just outright deny it even if it was them, or accuse me of parking too close, or refuse to pay, or I'm a coward.

"Hi, are you the owner of X car, I was parked behind you yesterday and some damage has been done to my car, etc." is okay as an opener, yes?

OP posts:

Sargesaweyes · 08/12/2011 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hollyonthesleigh · 08/12/2011 21:44

I certainly wouldnt be involving an insurance company,as one poster suggested,why risk a rise in premiums if the insurance put through a claim and the guilty party cant be traced.

FabbyChic · 08/12/2011 21:45

The opener is, I saw you reverse into my car today and I'd like to swap insurance details.

vigglewiggle · 08/12/2011 21:51

Rhinestone I think Scaredydog is pointing out that it is not a criminal offence. It is a traffic offence, which cannot result in a criminal record.

I would recommend talking to your neighbour if you are so indignant about it. If you don't want confrontation then let it go. Leaving a note is just a bit crap, not necessarily passive aggressive.

toboldlygo · 08/12/2011 21:53

Only I didn't see them do it and the insurance excess on either side is going to be ten times the cost of the replacement plate.

OP posts:

MabelLucyAttwell · 08/12/2011 21:55

Saying that it is not an offence not to inform the police if there is an accident is correct but only if no one is hurt. If someone is hurt, the Police must be notified.

FabbyChic · 08/12/2011 21:58

Its an offence not to sway insurance details within 7 days of an accident.

Send your husband, he can say our car was hit this morning and your car appears to have damage that would have resulted in it hitting our car, the cost to replace the numberplate is blah about £20 and there is a dent in the bumper now that would cost around what a £100

PoppadumPreach · 08/12/2011 22:36

toboldlygo - I'd be really careful about heeding some of the advice you are getting here. Fraud - which is what is being recommended by one poster in suggesting you go to neighbour saying you SAW it is far far more serious crime)

You would not be in any trouble whatsoever if you did not report this accident to police/insurance etc.

as you have said, you did not see what happened. for all you know someone could have bumped your numberplate in a carpark and weakened it, then a very minor bump from you neighbours car broke it.

the critical thing here is that you did not see what happened therefore all other evidence is circumstantial.

it, thankfully, is a minor repair and i would take the moral highground and just swallow the damage yourself. your neighbour may feel guilty, or not, that is up to their conscience.

but please, please do not lie to anyone, you will be in far bigger trouble.

i really think some posters have to be very careful what they advise - this is not a soap opera - it's real life!

SandStorm · 08/12/2011 22:41

I think 007 has the best advice.

reelingintheyears · 09/12/2011 00:33

FabbyChic Thu 08-Dec-11 21:45:40

The opener is, I saw you reverse into my car today and I'd like to swap insurance details.

Yes.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 09/12/2011 01:50

I would take photos. Tomorrow I'd phone around to see how much it will cost to repair the bumper and replace the number plates. Tomorrow night I'd go around, tell them that the other morning when they hit my car they clearly did more damage than they realised and it's going to cost x to fix - which is easier than getting the insurance companies involved - but you'd could do that if they'd prefer'. Present it as fact.

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