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AIBU?

not to take DSs back to school for their evening performances?

84 replies

letmehelp · 06/12/2011 21:20

The performances are one year group at a time. Each year does 2 shows, one afternoon and one evening. I will be going to the afternoon ones on two consecutive days. I have been asked to advise the school if DC will be attending the evening ones.

-The performances are 45 mins long. I will have to take both DC, leave one and take the other one home, then set off approx 30 min later to go and collect the one who's performing.

-Both nights clash with regular out of school activities

-DC have both said they don't want to go to the performances

-They are both singing in the chorus, no spoken or main part etc

Usually I do make every effort to get them to school things - we all spent 3 hours gardening there last weekend! but this seems like hard work for little benefit and they both feel strongly that they don't want to go. And the school have asked if they'll be there i.e they've given a choice?

I do feel a bit guilty that if everyone takes there same view the chorus will be severely depleted for the evening shows though.

OP posts:

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ll31 · 06/12/2011 21:22

tbh I'd tend to go on basis that when teachers and kids put in a lot of rehearsal etc its rotten if half the choir or whatever is missing

pictish · 06/12/2011 21:25

Yeah...god if I were you I'd be soooo tempted....but I don't think I would bail. Guilt.

WhoopsyLa · 06/12/2011 21:25

YABVU in my opinion. Performing in the Christmas shows are an important rite of passage and teach responsibility to not only the school but to the rest of the cast and the teachers who work so hard to create the shows.

spiderpig8 · 06/12/2011 21:25

No don't go .The performance is for the benefit of the children not the teachers.They don't want to go and You have another regular commitments, which takes priority.

slavetofilofax · 06/12/2011 21:29

I'd take him for one but not the other, just to show willing and becsue they will probably have told the children how much hey want them to be there at the evening performance.

My ds is in the choir as yours is, and I will only be taking him to one of the performances he is in in the evening. I do have plans, but if I didn't I would allow him to stay home for one of them. Mainly because I think he will get as much as he is ever going to get out of it by doing the afternoon and one evening performance.

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2011 21:29

What pictish said.

It's very tempting but these performances have been brought about by schools trying to do right by working parents, who don't really want to see half the kids missing.

letmehelp · 06/12/2011 21:34

Thanks slave, but it's two different DC, one evening and one afternoon each

OP posts:

4madboys · 06/12/2011 21:35

oh ihad this dilema yesterday and today, ds2 didnt go, exactly the same as you no main part, just singing, he didnt want to go and its a pita getting him there, dropping him off and the coming home for 20mins before going back.

yesterday was dd's bday so we had a bday tea party so he didnt go, today dp was at work and unless i walked 45mins each way with all the kids in tow he couldnt get there, so he didnt go.

will have the same dilema wiht ds3 on wed and thu, again wed dp at work so 45min walk wiht all kids in tow and it means two of them have to miss a sports club. thu may be a possibility but we have relatives visiting and ds2 would have to miss a sports club.

so i dont think yabu at all. its pita.

thepeoplesprincess · 06/12/2011 21:39

I think you're being quite selfish actually. As long as you get to see a good performance- screw all the other staff and parents is how you're coming across.

YAdefinitelyBU.

Panzee · 06/12/2011 21:42

4madboys It's not "just singing". Singing is usually the key thing. If it wasn't for the singing then the productions would be v boring.

We had 3 performances this year and only one no-show for the evening ones. It's definitely better all round to attend and really obvious when people are missing.

FloellaDaVille · 06/12/2011 21:43

From a teacher's point of view it's bloody annoying when parents don't bring their children back for evening performances. Sometimes there can be over a third of the children missing which has a massive impact on the quality and volume of the singing. Remember that although YOU may not be watching, plenty of other parents will be.

letmehelp · 06/12/2011 21:43

OK, princess that's why I'm asking and I think I did mention that I was feeling guilty at the prospect.

Do you think all the families who didn't put in the 3 hours hard work we did at the weekend were selfish too or who sent nothing and didn't turn up to the Christmas Fayre? We all do what we can, there's no need to be nasty

OP posts:

4madboys · 06/12/2011 21:45

actually having seen the play the singing was just a small part of it, i guess it depends on the play. anyway we get a choice and given that dp actually got the day off for dd's birthday and the boys wanted to do her a bday tea party thats what we did yesterday. today dp was at work and unless i took all the kids (2small ones full of cold) out for two 45min walks in the cold he coundt get there. the school were totally understanding about this and it wasnt an issue. had similar issue last year and a teacher who lives nearby gave thema lift, but she has now retired. its not ideal but its life.

Nanny0gg · 06/12/2011 21:45

When it's tricky couldn't you get together with another family to do the journeys?
If everyone in the choir felt the same and didn't turn up the whole thing would collapse.
Everyone puts in a lot of hard work and I do think it unreasonable of you to bale out.

COCKadoodledooo · 06/12/2011 21:50

Why do you have to come home in the midst? Can't one stay and watch the other?

4madboys · 06/12/2011 21:50

have done that in the past nannyogg but just not possible this year. i only got to go and see a rehersal due to childcare issues, that was for ds2's play and i shall also jsut get to go and see a rehersal for ds3's play. it would be nice to be able to take them too all the performances, but there are 4 for each of them so 8 in total and with other kids and clubs and a dp that works long hours it just isnt always possible to sort out lifts/childcare etc. and like i said the school are understanding about it.

4madboys · 06/12/2011 21:52

if you can get tickets cockadoodle ours were limited and i only got tickets for rehersals, i know plenty of parents that didnt get tickets for evenings and in my case i ahve 4 other children with me, cant expect a baby and a 3yr old to sit through the performances, esp as they woudl usually be having dinner/going to bed. its more pleasant for everybody if we just give it a miss rather than take one child to perform and have to drag along the other 4!

teenagedirtbag · 06/12/2011 21:56

Well it's up to you.
I always take mine because otherwise all the rehearsal time has gone to waste, and I remember when I was a kid and I went to a school at this time of year for work experience.
Most of the teachers put a stupid amount of effort into making sure the children know what they are doing and in the younger years 2 rehearsal sessions were spent just trying to teach the children what you shouldn't do on stage.
Also time is spent teaching them all the words to the songs and dance moves, and even if they don't want to go, they enjoy it afterwards and it does help build confidence for some children who don't like that sort of situation.

Though to be fair they are your kids and it's your choice and it's not the end of the world if they don't go. Plus you are taking them to afterschool things that they enjoy (i guess).
So I'm rather on the fence for you.

letmehelp · 06/12/2011 21:57

No Cockadoodle, only 2 tickets per family, if I take a DC, DH can't come, which is why we're going to the afternoon performance. The DCs get to watch each other's dress rehearsal the day before.

OP posts:

Summersoon · 06/12/2011 21:59

Well, I don't know how it is your schools OP and others who have commented on this thread but, in our (private) primary school (have now left), these performances were hugely important. if you didn't go and weren't ill or had a really good excuse (such as a family bereavement, for example), I think that it would have been the last time your child had any kind of role in any play and your relationship with the school would have really suffered. Sorry but that's how it was for us.
Having said that, the teachers put a phenomenal amount of work and creativity into these performances and they were well worth watching, more than once even.
Bottom-line: I would not allow either of your children to scive off for this.

DownbytheRiverside · 06/12/2011 22:00

When teachers start working to rule instead of striking, all these things will be gone anyway, so grab the chance whilst it's there.

fivefoottwowitheyesofblue · 06/12/2011 22:05

Not at all - I had the same problem last year and as a working parent it doesn't wash with me that KS1 children are needed at school during the evening for A PLAY.

There are not many employers that would refuse an hour or so to attend the afternoon performance.

This term is hectic enough without trawling back to school - and all that entails (quick, early tea, younger siblings being taken elsewhere etc) when they should be at home.

Nobody will say a word to you; their expectations are indefensable.

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ddubsgirl · 06/12/2011 22:09

this is why my twins school no longer do the evening show,because parents cant be bothered to take the child which this year means many parents now have to miss out :(

COCKadoodledooo · 06/12/2011 22:35

That's a bugger then. Presumably you're not the only family in the same boat though? Could school not run a creche type thing? Bung 'em in a room with a TA/spare teacher/PTA bod/parent helper and a dvd, that sort of thing?

Ds goes to a teeny school. I'd feel bad if he didn't go (and did, for his very first one that he missed because he was proper poorly).

ddubsgirl · 06/12/2011 22:39

the kids old school use to do this,younger kids etc could stay in the classroom with staff while parents watched the play,tickets are limited to 2 per child this year too,but have only got 1 as its only me that can make it to see the play :(

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