To be annoyed with my Mum my sister or neither?

[lollilou]

My sister is not very good with money and over the years my parents have given/lent her quite a lot in small amounts. My Dm recently lent me some for school uniforms and let me use her c.card to buy some Xmas presents. Every week without fail I have paid her £10 a week and will carry on until the debt is paid. Now in the past 2 months my Mum has brought my sister a washing machine and freezer both of which were to be paid back at around the same amount. She has paid nothing and my Mum has said she has written off her debt! My sister(in her 30's) is married,works but doesn't have a high income just as I don't. I can't help feeling this is unfair should I say something to either of them or just suck it up as I have in the past? The latest thing is that she is going to spend around £100 on her ds for Xmas.

[coppertop]

It could be that your mum knows that your sister won't pay up and so is attempting to save face. This way your mum can feel good that she has been generous and written off the debt rather than feeling resentful knowing that your sister is selfish and ungrateful.

[chrimblycompo]

I'd be tempted to stop paying her back
She sounds very generous

[jammydodger1]

i understand why you feel resentful i would too, is your sister married? i find that my sister is given extra because my family assume because we have two wages coming in we should be better off whereas as she single she needs the extra support.

[squeakytoy]

What would your mum say if you asked for your debt to be cancelled? If she would say fine, then she is treating you both equally.

[AKMD]

I would try not to worry about it. You are acting in a good way and should continue to do that regardless of what your sister is doing. If your sister is taking advantage of your mum and your mum is fully mentally competent then it's for her to challenge her, not you.

[NeuromanticisedVisionsofXmas]

thats hardly fair on the ma! "my sis is taking advantage and stealing your money, its not fair so I'm not paying ye back either"?

Nice.

[ceebie]

Personally I view finances between my sisters and parents as their business, as long as I pay off my debts to them I am happy. But that's just me. In the past they have offered us all money as a gift for various things - if I have not needed it I have not taken it even if I know that my sisters are. I am just grateful that my parents are there to help me out if I need it. I don't interfere with their arrangements with my other siblings. In ways I think you Mum was foolish to divulge any info to you about your sisters debts and whether or not they are being written off, as it was bound to lead to feelings of resentment.

[Flyonthewindscreen]

YANBU to be annoyed at your DM for treating you and your Dsis differently and your Dsis for taking advantage. But I think YABU to say anything. Just keep paying off your debt and know you have the moral high ground.

[SantaDesperatelySeeksSedatives]

YANBU however console yourself with the fact that, you have self respect and are paying your mum back. Your sister clearly doesn't have much if she wont pay back what she owes- especially to her own mum.

And however annoyed you are, think how pissed off your mum is. I'd be fuming.

[HecateGoddessOfTheNight]

Just be happy that you pay your own way. Your mum might be bailing your sister out, but I bet she respects you more!

[pictish]

What hecate said. What you are 'losing' financially, you are gaining in respect and pride from your mum.

Let your sister be a hapless idiot. Aren't you glad you're not?

[overmydeadbody]

I agree with ceebie here.

I have ver generous parents and lots of siblings. Some of them seem to take advantage more than others, and I have had discussionss with some of them over the years for not paying our parents back, but they just see it differently from me. I always paid my parents back when they helped me, they would usually refuse, but at least I offered.

Don't let it get to you, but I see no reason why you can't just bing it up with your sister without it becoming an argument.

[GoEasyPudding]

Hold your head high and pay back your debts. Suggest to your mum she dosent keep giving your sister so much money. Just suggest it. Then leave it.
I think its the only way.