To think I don't see my DS enough?

[workingmama2011]

I am retraining on a very demanding course. During term time I work, at a conservative estimate, a 65 hour week (sometimes more like 80), with lots of early starts and late nights. I miss bedtime quite often and sometimes will only see DS (2) for about 1/2 an hour a day. 2 hours is about the average - 5-7pm. I rarely spend any time alone with him outside of the house during term time. I have to work at the weekends too. I used to be a SAHM so this is a huge change for us.

DH is SAHD. He - and everyone else - keeps reassuring me that DS is fine, but his behaviour has recently become quite difficult (but then he is 2!) and he often asks me to stay, cries and will say 'bye bye' to me even when I am not about to leave.

Outside of term time we can see each other more - for about half of each day. I miss him so much and just feel that - for both our sakes - I need to see him more. Genuinely, AIBU? Will I just get used to it?

[WilsonFrickett]

I think that amount of time is very tough on both of you, and presumably on DH as well. But - presumably this is fairly short-term as you're on a course and he has his dad at home so honestly? I don't think it will do DS any harm. Of course he is missing you, and it's a big change, and it's a clingy age, and you hate being away from him, but it will get better and it will give him a chance to build a great relationship with his dad. It's not your ideal situation, and it sounds like you're in the grip of the guilts, but sometimes you just can't balance your life the way you'd like.

A thought - if it was the other way round and DH was out as much as you, but you were at home, would you worry as much?

[workingmama2011]

Thanks Wilson - that's really helpful and food for thought.

[jellybeans]

YANBU I was simelar and became a SAHM again. For me, I realised it wasn't what I wanted. The right choice for us but it's different for every family.

[Bonsoir]

How long is your course due to last? Personally I wouldn't find your set up sustainable.

[Lizcat]

I have been where you are and we have emerged safely out the other side. When DD was an employed vet and my standard working week was 56 hours average if I had an awful set of on calls it could be as high as 120. DD at 2 used to cry and hold on to my leg as I tried to leave the house to fix an animal and DH did no kind of distraction so I just had to peel her off me and leave. I never got used to it and would cry regularly.
Fast forward she is now nearly 8, I now own the business and can organise my own time she has no memory of those awful days and certainly it hasn't affect our relationship we are very close.
I am sure that what you are retraining in will almost certainly benefit your whole family in the long run. I made that sacrifice then and it has made a huge difference to my families situation and it was the right thing to do.

[LadySybil]

i had a life like this when i was teaching. its the reason i gave it up and never intend to return to it

[Fiendishlie]

Me too, LadySybil. Are you doing a PGCE OP?

[workingmama2011]

Thanks so much for replies. I'm not doing a PGCE. Would rather not specify my exact course (paranoid about anonymity!) but it is 2 more years, with more training to follow that.

[porcamiseria]

Its hard, no 2 ways about it! I have noticed that DS1 (15 mo) ALWAYS plays up on a Monday night at bedtime, it cant be a coicidence that its a Monday, the day I am back at work FT is it????

BUT you baby is with his daddy, what could be better? But I think what you must do is carve out time for him to the exclusion of anything else, make it non negotiable.

and its for the greater good, as once you are teacher you will get those holidays with him

hang on in there , but do make time for him whever possible, trim the housework, trim friends and turn down stuff