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AIBU?

Need advice regarding a stupidly small and petty amount of money...

20 replies

EricNorthmansMistress · 05/12/2011 09:42

Back in feb a friend called me to ask if I wanted to make some cash by storing some stuff for her friend for a few months. We agreed £25 a month for my lockable, weatherproof summerhouse.
She was a bit flaky with paying but was fine in the end.
She arranged to pick it up in October but was having trouble finding a man with van. My H was not busy and he has a van so after asking him I volunteered him but made it clear this was for pay- diesel cost if nothing else, this was a 20 mile round trip in a heavy van, at least £10 in fuel plus a couple of hours work.
She offered him fuel money in a way that made him feel unable to accept. His fault, yes, but she knew what she was doing and she should not have allowed him to decline! I was very pissed off but he told me to leave it.
So (sorry this is long) she emailed me saying sorry she still owes me for a week in October and she will pay me ASAP. This is about £6 so nothing, plus I don't want anything else for the storage, as far as I'm concerned we are square on that. Considering it's all such tiny sums do I

Wait and see if she puts anything in my account, then give it to H however little it is, even if it doesn't cover his fuel
tell her not to worry about it and not mention paying H anything
tell her we are square on the storage but if she wants to give me some money for H that would be welcome?

In the interests of not drip feeding I should mention that we found mouse droppings in the summerhouse after we emptied it.

OP posts:

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aldiwhore · 05/12/2011 09:44

The deal with your DH was between your friend and your DH, he refused money, so all is square with that. Your DH is the fool/nice person here.

Let her pay you the outstanding amount and leave it at that.

pooka · 05/12/2011 09:45

Umm. I think I'd just leave it tbh. She did offer fuel money at the time and if your dh refused, then that's his lookout IMO.

Not sure what the mouse droppings have to do with it - unless you are feeling guilty for being paid for storage with mice?

porcamiseria · 05/12/2011 09:46

write it off, its £6 right?

if he declined the money its a mistake, but ge did decline so write ot off

NoOnesGoingToEatYourMincePies · 05/12/2011 09:52

I don't think you can blame her for the mouse droppings, unless the things you were storing were her collections of live mice and cheeses of the world.

Every shed, summerhouse, outhouse and wendy house in the country will have had a mouse in it at some point.

Your DH declined payment when he had the chance to take it, no matter what she said to him.

If it bothers you that much, wait and see if she pays you the £6.00 storage, since you are happy with what she has already paid, and cut your losses for the other £4.00 in fuel.

pictish · 05/12/2011 09:54

What have mouse droppings to do with it?

Icelollycraving · 05/12/2011 09:56

Really? :o
If she pays you, buy a bottle of wine for your dh. Alternatively a large chunk of cheese for the mice.

EricNorthmansMistress · 05/12/2011 10:09

Mouse droppings= guilt on my part!
Yeah it's so small and petty but it just really bothered me- H was really broke, it was clear that I was offering his services in exchange for cash, it would still have saved her at least £20 or more if she had bunged him £20 for his fuel and time. She kind of went 'so, do you want some petrol money then?' and he felt awkward for some reason. If that was you, wouldn't you decide how much you planned to give and then just give it?

If I give him £6 now ( or whatever she gives me) he will laugh. He has forgotten all about it. But for me it's the principle ( balanced against not wanting to be an insane penny pincher)

I think I will leave it and see if she puts anything in.

OP posts:

gamerwidow · 05/12/2011 10:22

Leave it but you know that next time you do a job that you want to be paid for agree the costs up front.

OhTheConfusion · 05/12/2011 10:31

You say 'H was really broke'. Do I take it you and your H keep seperate finances?

If that's the case then it's his call if he wants to ask for the money (yes she could have offered it in a better way, but he is also a grown man). I wouldn't stress over £6 for the use of an empty shed.

veryconfusedatthemoment · 05/12/2011 10:50

I would say thank you, that would be great! Put in the family fund for Xmas. It doesn't sound like she was that reliable - you mentioned flaky paying. She knew the deal and it would cover much of the actual petrol cost. You had a financial arangement and she should pay whats due. You keep your friendship that way without feeling higgled and she knows that she has a clear conscience on her side.

tigermoll · 05/12/2011 10:58

Its a small amount of money. You know that. You also say that your OH 'was' really broke, - implication, he isn't any more. He's asked you to drop it. And yet you still want to make your point to your friend, decline the six quid she's offering, and ask for the ten quid she didn't pay, - on his behalf, not even your own!

Come on, what is really going on here? Is it that you are cross with your OH, - maybe he is always letting financial things slide, or you feel that he gets taken advantage of? Maybe you feel that he isn't asssertive enough, and you want to steamroller in there and sort it out.

Or is it the friend? This can't possibly be about the spare four quid - what else ha she done that you feel that you need to seize this opportunity to make your point?

EricNorthmansMistress · 05/12/2011 12:23

He was/is broke- we were separated at the time, and do keep separate finances in the main.
The shed is actually a summerhouse, DS could have had use of it to play in but he couldn't. Anyway I'm not quibbling over six quid. I don't want her to give me six quid, I wanted her to pay my H for his fuel and time!

I'm just not sure how to play this that doesn't make me look too petty. I think say nowt is the best idea- but then I'm being rude by not acknowledging her email!

OP posts:

tigermoll · 05/12/2011 12:43

Anyway I'm not quibbling over six quid. I don't want her to give me six quid, I wanted her to pay my H for his fuel and time!

For which you would have accepted a tenner. So you are still looking at a difference of four quid.

I'm just not sure how to play this that doesn't make me look too petty

That will be tricky. Because it is petty. Which is what makes me think that there must be something else going on, - I'm sure you're not usually a petty person.

You want her to pay your OH for petrol/time, but he doesn't consider it worth making a fuss about. Why do you feel that you have to go into bat for him? Why is this still such an issue between you? There MUST be something else going on, - this can't just be about a few quid.

If you are consdiering 'dealing' with the situation by just ignoring her email, - don't. That is cowardly and passsive-aggressive. Decide if you want to pursue this small amount, (my advice: don't) or if you decide you don't, send her a breezy email saying 'don't worry about payment'. But don't just leave it hanging.

EricNorthmansMistress · 05/12/2011 12:50

I am annoyed with her for breezily not giving him a penny when he had spent time and money helping her out. I had let it go as he asked me to, until she emailed me offering some money. I feel like if she is offering any cash at all I will have it and give it to H, even of it's a fiver. I don't feel inclined to tell her to leave it, because I think she was out of order! But I see that the mature thing is to reply and tell her not to bother. If she were offering money for him that would be different but she really doesn't need to give me anything for the storage. But for the sake of a fiver I get to be the bigger person...hmm

OP posts:

empirestateofmind · 05/12/2011 12:57

I think the moral of the story is don't do favours for friends of friends unless you are feeling saintly or want some good karma. Some people have an amazing ability to ignore the fact that they are taking advantage of others.

tigermoll · 05/12/2011 13:02

It seems odd that, if she is as tight and selfish as you make out (you say she offered your OH money in a way that he felt he had to refuse, implying that she tried deliberately to get away without paying) that she is offering money for a missed week of payment, - one that you say she doesn't even owe for. She has offered, out of the blue to pay you ASAP for something that happened a while ago, - why would she do this, if she could get away with not paying you?

You only have OH's recollection of the conversation when she offered him money, - he is making out that it was impossible for him to say Yes, but that may not be how she intended it. She may have genuinely offered him money, and he declined out of politeness or maybe he wanted to feel generous. Now he is saying he 'couldn't accept' her money, but maybe he just feels embarassed about declining it in front of you.

Oggy · 05/12/2011 13:49

I don't think you have an issue here. She DID offer petrol money to your partner, he just didn't accept it (for whatever reason). If you have a problem with the lack of petrol money then your issue should be with your partner for not accepting it.

If she said "so do you want some petrol money then?", and he did, then the only sensible response is "yes please, i think £10 was agreed in advance". This really shouldn't be a problem for a grown adult should it? Or am I missing something?

MrSpoc · 05/12/2011 14:04

Op grow up.

What ever happended to doing friends favours. I still cannot belive you charged your friend for storage space.

She offered petrol money and your husband declined. If you have seperate money then its his issue and has absoluitly nothing to do with you.

Yes it does come across as petty, because IT IS.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourMincePies · 05/12/2011 14:05

You're missing the dance Oggy. Some people like to do the dance.

"So, do you want some petrol money then?"
"Oh, no no no"
"I insist.
"Are you sure?"
"Oh, yes yes yes."
"Okay then, I think we said £10 didn't we?"

Makes no sense to me but lots of people do it.

squeakytoy · 05/12/2011 14:07

You got a few months worth of £25 quid for nothing.. and are quibbling about £6... yep, its petty.

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