to tell my size 18 friend i dont see often shes getting fatter infront of the group at dinner?

[PregolaLola]

thats sounds horrid, so why does she think its fair to do it to me because im a size 8 ?

'you must not eat that much'
'wow YOUR going to eat dessert'
'maybe you'll put on weight when you stop feeding'

just made me feel dreadful.

would any of you find that an ok thing to say to a 'pal'?

[TroublesomeEx]

No. That was rude.

[DesperatelySeekingPomBears]

Ignore it. Personally, I'm the chub friend and I wouldn't dream of saying it to my slimmer friends. But then I'm not particularly bothered about size and shape and perhaps she is? Could be jealousy.

[HarryHillatemygoldfish]

Of course it's not acceptable.


You should only comment on someone's appearance if it is a positive.

[Serenitysutton]

No not at all. I think you should manage the situation though rather than being silently hurt. I flipped at a friend once for the same and she was horrified, she just had no idea that being thin wasn't about depravation. A bit ignorant, but sometimes people are :)

[lubeybaublely]

No it's not acceptable and I never would.

As a size 18 woman myself though, it can be hard to believe anyone can be that tiny and slim, but I keep my thoughts to myself because it's incredibly rude to do otherwise.

Tell her she's getting fatter next time, she might get the message.

[LineRunnerSaturnalia]

No, it's horrible and pathetic for any 'friend' to goad or tease or try to ruffle someone else about their food intake or weight. She has ishooes.

Is she happy?

[Groovee]

Its rude regardless of weight and size. My tutor at college tried everything to gain weight and struggled as she felt too thin. You could hear students who didn't know her constantly mention it.

[lubeybaublely]

it can be hard to believe anyone can be that tiny and slim Just to add I mean that in an admiration kind of way - it's a wow! type thing. But I would keep it to myself

[RubberDuck]

Happened to me a lot too - was always amazed at how many people thought it was okay to comment, even complete strangers while getting changed after swimming in a communal changing room.

Funnily enough, I get far less comments now - I'm still a size 8 but have put on some muscle and weight with martial arts training so don't look as slim. Either that or people are scared to comment now

[nofrikkincarbs]

Its very rude of your friend

My sister has this all the time - most of her friends are overweight, but she is a size 6. They all go on about her being skinny (she hates the word) and one day whwen they were going on about how she is so lucky to be naturally skinny she snapped and said 'actually, unlike you lot I eat little & often & healthily and exercise!!!'

[DingDongDialsMavislyOnHigh]

YANBU but as a fatty myself it amazes me how much some slim people can eat

[QuickLookBusy]

I get this, and when I'm stresssed I do go very skinny.

I too have stopped being polite when people comment and have started saying that I'm not actually worried about my weight at the moment and I'd rather not talk about it thank you very much

[fluffy123]

How rude. I lost weight recently and a friend out of the blue said I had a lot more wrinkles now. I would never comment on peoples appearance unless it was a compliment.

[kickingking]

No it is not OK to say that to her.

Of course, neither is it acceptable for her to comment on your size. I've been there, and still have no idea why it's ok to call thin people 'skinny bitch' to their face.

When she comments, just grin and say 'I know, I'm so lucky' or 'you know me, I must have hollow legs - I'm just lucky'. Turn her comments round and react to them as compliments. It'll really piss her off . But DON'T comment on her size!

[GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy]

No, negative comment on people's appearance is not on at all, especially when it's something that can't be changed with a hairbrush or different lippy etc. All it does is make the person feel (more) shit about themselves and there's no quick fix to make themselves feel better.

The only defence I have (as a fatarse) is that it's hard to think of anyone who is slim having any hang ups about their body and therefore minding people commenting on it. But my sensible head knows that's nonsense and so I would never ever comment.

[PregolaLola]

wow cheers for everything,
i think a big part that makes it worse is once she says it a couple of others nodded in agreement or said you are tiny, Dp says just tell them your quite happy with your size, i found myslf feeling i had to convince them i am an eater, sad i know

also im not to happy with my size as i look like walking boobs alot of the time, i have teeny arms and legs so i think i was straight away made uncomfotable, i tend to make a point of covering my arms and taking it of once im relaxed but just didnt want to

stranded id like to know why you think im a nightmare friend if you could, enlighten me id be gateful

[ceebie]

Tell her that you don't comment on her body / eating and you would similarly appreciate it if she didn't comment on yours.

i.e. straightforward without being rude

[FetchezLaVache]

OP, a fiver says Stranded read the title and didn't bother reading your OP before commenting.

As a skinny, it seems to me it's fair game for other people to pass comment on the svelte, who must steer a course between being accused of anorexia and pissing people off by apparently being able to eat anything they like.

[FetchezLaVache]

(NB not saying that's how it should be, just how it seems to me it is.)

[PregolaLola]

fetchez didnt think of that,
i agree though it seems like as it my title demonstrates if i were to be equally as rude i would have had a total different reaction i dont see any of the others piping up with 'you are a porker'

as i say i dont see her often and was a bit too taken aback to say anything but next time i do hope to be less upset and more upfront with the fact i took offence

hopefully its an issue of ignorance

[InfiniteFairylights]

I hated how I looked when i was skinny, I had no boobs and a lot of clothes just didn't fit, or hang right on me. I got sick of people telling me how lucky I was to be so skinny, when I spent so much time trying to put on weight and failing

[OurPlanetNeptune]

Prego YANBU to feel the way you do. People make the same comments to me. If I like the person I tell them that they are being rude. If I don't like the person then I will ask the rhetorical question 'but you wished you looked like me, don't you?'. Yes, I know it's horrible and boastful but said to SIL a few years back and she has never dared comment on my weight again. I have no problem being blatantly rude when I come up the stupid and ignorant.

Do not feel bad about yourself, chances this person has issues.

And no, you don't sound like a nightmare. Your 'friend' does, she is horrible to comment on your appearance when comment is not invited.

And amen to everything fetchez wrote.

[OrmIrian]

"No, negative comment on people's appearance is not on at all"

You see I suspect that she didn't see it as a negative comment. When I lost a lot of weight a few years back it used to give me a bit of a buzz when people told me I was 'too thin'. I didn't beleive them but it made me feel better. Does she know you are worried about your size?

Crass yes, unkind? Probably not meant to be.