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AIBU?

AIBU to be pissed off with my DPs lack of organisation?

54 replies

Venacava · 29/10/2011 12:29

I am so angry with him right now and he's not even here to address this with.

I work away from home all week and get home on a Friday night after having done a 2 hour commute in Friday night traffic (aka I'm very stressed). For weeks now I have been asking my dp to please do his washing in the week as I only get the weekend to get my work clothes washed and dried for the week. My house is also difficult to get clothes dry in so I know that as long as my clothes are washed on a friday night they should be ok for sunday night when I need to pack up my suitcase again. I am in a hotel at the moment and would have to pay laundry fees myself (which are a fortune!) so washing in the week isn't an option.

I got so fed up of coming home on a Friday night to discover the washing machine full of wet washing where he has obviously panicked that I'm coming home and he hasn't done the washing and so shoved it in the machine.

He has started telling me "I don't know where you think I get the time in the week to put washing on, I go out to work at 7am, come back at midnight and get into bed". My answer has always been that he should put a load on in the morning and hang it out before he goes to bed. At least he has the option of doing his washing in the week. I don't get that.

This week I have come back to the washing in the machine again plus at least another 2 loads that he expects to do. AIBU to expect him to do his washing in the week so that I can wash my clothes that I will need in the week?

He is just so disorganised. Won't ever iron his shirt the night before, will choose to do it in the morning whilst moaning that he is late. I am very, very annoyed with him at the moment as he has lost my car key. He was rushing (late) for work this morning and needed to get something out of my car (work car so a much more expensive car that I could ever afford). He has gone out for a 12 hour shift, I told him to make sure he left my car key behind only to come downstairs to find a) no sign of car keys, b) my car unlocked on the drive and c) him swearing that he doesn't have the keys in his pocket. It will cost me £500+ if he can't find the key- the kind of money I just don't have :( .

AIBU to have lost trust in him completely over this? I feel like I just can't trust him.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/10/2011 12:38

Did you actually meet him before deciding to move in with him?.... Hmm

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FabbyChic · 29/10/2011 12:40

He could use a service washing at the launderette, as could you one local to your hotel.

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FabbyChic · 29/10/2011 12:40

Or near where you live today.

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Venacava · 29/10/2011 12:40

Cogito... what a stupid question. We had been together 2 years before renting our house.

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Vibrant · 29/10/2011 12:41

It sounds like he is also working really hard if he's going out to work at 7 am and getting in at midnight. I wouldn't be doing any washing in the week either, and I'd probably be mislaying things as well.

Would getting a tumble dryer help? Then you could both do your washing and get it tried at the weekend.

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ZillionChocolate · 29/10/2011 12:42

YANBU to feel pissed off. It doesn't appear that your attempts to nag/remind/mother him are working. Would it be an option just to let him suffer. EG leave his wet washing to go minging in the basket, just hang yours up to dry.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/10/2011 12:42

If you lived together for 2 whole years did the inability to do washing not surface before now?.... Just seems a weird thing to discover so late in the day.

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Venacava · 29/10/2011 12:43

Cogito read again. We were together for 2 years, not living together.

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Venacava · 29/10/2011 12:45

Vibrant- He is working hard but 7- midnight is not just work. He spends lots of time after work doing social things or working on his hobby. A tumble dryer would help but we don't have the room in our house or the money!

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/10/2011 12:46

Then, if it's annoying you so much already, I'd say living together has been a failed experiment and you should probably go your separate ways. Can you imagine what would happen if it was something really important you were relying on him for?... Good job you found out now.

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Venacava · 29/10/2011 12:49

Why thank you cogito for your fine advice. I shall leave him right this minute (ah as if it was so easy).

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ImperialBlether · 29/10/2011 12:50

I would be tempted not to come home at weekends!

He is a really, really selfish man. This has happened time and again and there's no sign of it stopping.

Out of the two remaining washing loads I'd put one shirt, one pair of underpants and one pair of socks in your wash. Put the rest of his to one side. He can do that when you've gone back.

About the car key - replacing it will be HIS responsibility, not yours. HE will have to pay the £500.

Do you share your finances?

Do you really want children with someone who's selfish and disorganised?

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welliesandpyjamas · 29/10/2011 12:50

Sounds like you both work ever so hard.

These are annoying and frustrating issues but not the be-all-and-end-all of your relationship/love. A little step back from both of you to refocus and what really matters, perhaps? And then find a clear, grown-up solution to the problem?

Possible solutions...launderette (as suggested above), a second washing machine, a tumble drier, a cleaner once a week, email/mobile reminders to use the machine, help from a kind local friend/relative/teenager to help out once a week in exchange for something relevant, etc etc etc

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DoMeDon · 29/10/2011 12:51

It sounds like you feel he is unreliable and inconsiderate. Losing a key doesn't make you not trust your partner but constantly over promising and under delivering do.

I think you are being a bit harsh on other posters. It is a valid question to wonder why his behaviour comes as such a shock to you, and it was not clear from OP that 7-midnight is not just work.

I don't hink you can be expected to do his washing and I would say that you are entitled to do your own when home. I would put on your own washing, hang it out and ignore his. Let him deal with his own problem about when to do it. Personally i would put it in for a service wash rather than put myself under this stress - but that's your call.

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ImperialBlether · 29/10/2011 12:51

If you are both working such long hours, how come you can't afford £100 or so for a dryer? I know you say there's no room (though they can fit on top of the washing machine) but surely there's £100 free for that?

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Vibrant · 29/10/2011 12:52

Oh ok, you didn't say that. I still think 12 hour shifts are hard work though.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/10/2011 12:53

"I can't trust him"..... "I am so angry".... Hmm This is a stupid childish row over something and nothing. You should, as grown-ups, be able to organise between you a load of washing and a hook for some bloody car keys. It's not a 'trust' issue... save that kind of hyperbole for something serious. Communicate like grown-ups.

Or leave the bastard... :)

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ImperialBlether · 29/10/2011 12:53

Yes but he should still manage to wash his clothes, Vibrant! And unless he owns his own business, nobody does 5 x 12 hour shifts in a week.

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LoveBeingAWitch · 29/10/2011 12:55

Next tine just bag up his stuff, still wet, and do yours.

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valiumredhead · 29/10/2011 12:56

Do you have a spare room? We put a tumble drier in our spare room when we lived in a flat and were pushed for space.

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Iggly · 29/10/2011 12:56

YANBU

It's his problem if he irons his shirt late etc etc. Hard as it is, don't let it annoy you because that does not impact on you.

The washing, however, does. Tell him in simple turns to put a wash on in the morning and hang it out before bed. Tell him to do it in a couple of loads in the week so it's less to hang out. If he doesnt, empty the machine when you get him and leave his clothes out for him to sort.

Make him pay for the lost key.

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Venacava · 29/10/2011 12:59

Sorry I didn't make it clear 7- 12 wasn't just work. He is a medical student so although he is going to "work", right now he is on a 12 hour shift in an ambulance, he isn't getting paid. So we just don't have the money for a dryer as my salary is covering the bills, more than half of the rent and a massive petrol bill for the month from commuting to and from work.

I'm just frustrated guys, I'm sat here stuck in the house worrying that he has dropped my car keys on the street or something and someone will appear and drive off with it. Or that I will have to pay a ridiculous amount of money, that I just don't have, to get the electrics sorted for a new key.

12 hour shifts are hard work for him and I appreciate that but I would give my right arm to be doing 12 hours shifts but returning to home every night. I currently spend my entire work day alone (work from car, there can easily be days where I can't get in to see anyone) before going back to a shit hotel room to spend the evening alone as well.

I wish I had someone local who I could give a few pounds to to help but my family and old friends are hundreds of miles away and working away from home so much means I havn't had a chance to make friends with anyone here.

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GalloweesG · 29/10/2011 12:59

This is Laundry Abuse. :o

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valiumredhead · 29/10/2011 13:00

And unless he owns his own business, nobody does 5 x 12 hour shifts in a week I must remember to tell my dh that next time he does a week of nights.

I hate washing, I can keep on top of the rest of the house working /cooking etc but if I had to think about organinsing washing so it's hung out and dry, it just wouldn't get done! A tumble drier and a washing machine with a 30 min cycle sorts out my total lack of washing organisation Grin

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Grumpla · 29/10/2011 13:01

Pull his wet washing out of the machine. Put in damp heap on floor. LEAVE IT THERE. Wash and hang up your own washing. Problem solved.

I suspect after a few weeks of wet smelly clothes / running out of pants he might miraculously learn how to prioritise a little more effectively.

However if you are coming home, hanging up his wet washing for him and then racing around like a blue arsed fly trying to do the rest of it AND get your work stuff done, there's not really much of a problem as far as he's concerned is there? A few minutes of "grumpy woman aggro" on a Friday night is a lot less work than actually doing his own laundry all week.

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