Just got back from a holiday with my lovely friend, her dh, her dd(4) and ds (9) who has ADDHD, and is undergoing assessment to confirm that he has AS.
Me ds(8) & dh.
The week has been the MOST stressful and eye opening that i have had in a long time...GOD Only knows how they cope day to day.
In my defence, i have no experience of children with this kind of thing, i had some idea of his personality, but this did not prepare me for what was to come.
Im shattered, and feel so sorry for my friends.
We did stuff separately as she suggested that we would need a break and some quiet time (WTF< poor love, it was her that needed a break and quiet time!!)
We took kids off to the park to give them a break, but while we were all together indoors, it was so difficult.
How on earth do people do it, and do it SO well?
Vodka came into the equasion a few times, and lots of soothing chocolate.
Its just so dominating, every decision, everything said and every discussion is carefully thought out with my friends ds in mind.
phew, appologies, i dont want to offend any one, just wanted to talk about it thats all.
AIBU?
To feel utter relief as we drove away but utterly ashamed that i was unable to cope with the majority of this week?
gigglepin · 28/10/2011 19:17
So now you know, can I respectfully suggest you do what you can to share this with wider society, the Daily Mail's next article about how 'twenty million naughty child syndrome families have been given free motability cars' would be a good place to start 
.
I would but she has tons of support from her mum, she has him allot, also he isnt keen leaving where he knows, hence the difficulties while away on holiday. 
CailinDana you explain it very well, thank you. I understand how she feels for him, i dont understand his behaviour...BUT she tried to educate me about it and that made things much easier admittedly.
She shouldnt HAVE to take time to do all that she does plus explain to me as i sit bewildered and open mouthed in the centre of the storm..bless her.
It is hard. My DS has AS.
Friends see him for an hour on a good day and have NO idea what our family deals with day in, day out. Your friend is very brave! I wouldn't dream of going on holiday with another family unless they also had children on the spectrum, to be honest. Nobody can really understand the levels of patience and understanding needed unless they have been there, although you do sound like you are trying to understand and are a lovely and supportive friend, OP.
I feel a bit teary now. Had a hard week with DS off over half term
Yes it will make her week. My family and DH's see what we have to do all the time and it's never said. And while we're praising people you sound bloody lovely yourself 
Balsam, my DS has Asperger's Syndrome but if we had wanted to pursue an ADHD diagnosis I think we would have got one (as it is, we don't want to go down the medication route and feel like the professional support he receives addresses the ADHD aspects of his behaviour anyway..)
But I digress...
A 'typical' day for us sounds a lot like the OP's experience of her friend's boy on holiday. For my DS, very small 'normal' aspects of life can be extremely difficult, stressful and frustrating for him and there is a lot of explosive anger, a lot of confrontation and a lot of 'silly' behaviour - running away in public places, jumping about / fidgeting / not listening / avoiding eye contact. Just getting him to brush his teeth in the morning can be an epic battle, and we have to follow very careful routines.
He is poor at reading the normal social cues we all take for granted, and so finds everyday social interaction (say sitting at a table at dinner time and talking/eating in a relaxed manner, or playing with other children in a fairly co-operative way) extremely difficult. He often lashes out at other children. He is very intent on doing what he wants to do in his own way - he cannot accept the word 'No'. He finds taking instruction or any kind of authority very hard (and I mean he finds it HARD - sometimes he can do it, but it is almost like it physically and mentally HURTS him). His emotions are extreme and immature, even for his young age (nearly 7). He gets very paranoid that people dont like him. he is quite self-pitying - often thinks 'the way things are' is extremely unfair and that the world is against him. He has extreme feelings of jealousy and a LOT of anger that he struggles to cope with. I could go on and on, but think I am painting a picture .
He survived for one year in a mainstream school. During that year he was excluded ten times, scaled a twelve feet wall in order to try to escape from school, was incapable of 'joining in' in an environment of 30 kids in a classroom and became a shadow of his former self. It was heartbreaking to watch, and the worst year of my life. It has affected everything in our lives. I had to give up my previous career and we have all had to rethink and restructure our lifestyles in order to support DS and not to have mental breakdowns ourselves!
He now attends a specialist unit for children with ASC and things are a lot better, but there are still very challenging days.
He is also, I might add, one of the funniest, sweetest little boys you could ever meet. He is EXTREMELY bright, very perceptive, can be incredibly kind and sensitive, but his poor social communication skills mean that he often cannot achieve the sort of behaviour people expect of him and when that happens, he is aware that 'something is wrong' and a black mist descends.
Sorry for the essay. I just thought I would try to explain what it is like for him and for us! I have to say, though, that having an autistic/ADHD child has made me a much, much stronger, kinder, better person and I have met some amazing friends (other parents of ASC children).
End of essay
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