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AIBU?

I know this should be in relationships but DP just left me. I need help.

53 replies

Fatshionista · 27/10/2011 01:17

I sat him down after a few cans and told him we need to talk about our relationship. I left abusive ExH for him and for the last three years have financially supported him as a lone parent working dead end jobs and on some benefit. He's been abusive but promised that was the last time. Because I wouldn't leave our discussion alone he told me I was a bad mother to DD11 months and hurled abuse, slammed doors, tried to push me down the stairs, elbowed me in the ribs, shoved me and told me it was over. He then told me it was over and left with his stuff.

I have DD1 3 awake with me saying "Why are you crying? Has Daddy hit you?".

FUCK. How stupid have I been? If my three year old is picking up on it how bad could it be? FFS. I am such a knob. I need a kicking.

I'm fucked. Please help. The house is my own but I rent from DP's uncle. I can't get back on the council list as I owe them £400 according to them for 'damage to my council flat' ie I failed to take up the carpet I put down. I have my benefits but no job as I got turned down for a job today hence the bottle of wine and no family support.

Fuck fuck fuck.

OP posts:

Report

GypsyMoth · 27/10/2011 01:22

Well unblemished will need to give you at least 2 months notice, so nothing immediate will happen.

Will dd go back to bed?

worraliberty · 27/10/2011 01:22

Oh dear I'm so sorry to hear that but at least he's gone...that's probably the most important thing here and the priority

All I can advise you right now is to cuddle your DD and reassure her...that'll make you feel better as well.

Right now tonight you'll have a million and one things whirring around in your mind but guess what? You can't do anything at all about them at almost 1.30am and especially if you've had a drink as that sometimes makes everything seem so much worse.

Tomorrow is a new day and I'm sure your housing problems and everything else can be sorted out...but they'll be best sorted after a night's sleep.

GypsyMoth · 27/10/2011 01:22

Nblemished?? Don't know where that came from..... Meant uncle

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 27/10/2011 01:24

You do NOT need a kicking, and you are NOT fucked.

He's left you. This is a good thing, you don't need someone like that in your life. Did he leave his keys? The house is in your name, do you have a proper written lease? It doesn't matter that your landlord is his uncle, you still have statutory rights as a tenant.

You can sort out your benefits in the morning, and maybe contact CAB too.

Ah, fukkit, {{{{Fatshionista }}}}

Fatshionista · 27/10/2011 01:25

I'm crying. DD is cuddled up under a duvet with her doll watching Lilo and Stitch. She is wide awake.

I feel like I've failed them. My best friend is coming to stay but that's 48 hours away and I'm cracking.

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 27/10/2011 01:26

You haven't failed anyone. Really, it will all look so much brighter in the morning. Cuddle up with your DD and you'll both doze off soon.

AgentZigzag · 27/10/2011 01:27

I couldn't care less where people post, but in this case I really would encourage you to post in relationships (even if you just post this thread again) because they really are bloody good at helping out in a crisis.

It sounds like you're in a tight spot and need options, and the posters there will be able to give you ones you'd not thought of.

Are you safe at the moment?

If not, there are always people ready to help out, whatever the time of day.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 27/10/2011 01:29

So sorry to hear that, OP. I'm glad he's gone.

BupcakesandHaunting · 27/10/2011 01:30

Oh cripes.

Look, you are safe and your DD is safe. That is the Most Important Thing. Nothing else matters for tonight. Everything will look worse now. In a few days when it's simmered down a bit and you can think straight, it won't look half as desperate.

Concentrate on you and your daughter for now. Make sure you both eat properly. Sleep if you can. Your P sounds like a prize wanker and you have had a lucky escape. Congratulations. :)

worraliberty · 27/10/2011 01:31

You haven't failed anybody...seriously.

By all means rant away here if it helps, but please don't worry about the practical side of things tonight...that'll all get sorted soon enough.

Oh and 48hrs isn't too long, I'm sure your best friend will be just the tonic you need to help you make sense of everything.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 27/10/2011 01:35

You haven't failed anybody. Please don't blame yourself for this.

As worra said, 48 hours isn't too long. Before you know it, your friend will be there. Things will feel a little less bleak with support

luluscadoo · 27/10/2011 01:37

You have not failed anyone you and your dd are okay. Like the posts say above they should give you 2 months notice. I would recommend you call shelters free helpline tomorrow morning and they should be able to give you all the information you need regarding housing 808 800 4444

luluscadoo · 27/10/2011 01:38

0808 800 4444

SolidGoldVampireBat · 27/10/2011 01:51

Hooray! You're RID OF HIM. Honestly, that's the best possible thing - to be rid of an abusive man. Everything else can be sorted out, now the horrible man is gone.

Fatshionista · 27/10/2011 01:51

Thank you. I need to stay strong. He ended it so I don't think he'll come back but what if he does? I love him so much regardless and I don't think I can stay strong.

I'll sleep now.

OP posts:

luluscadoo · 27/10/2011 02:02

If he come back just remember what your dd said "Why are you crying? Has Daddy hit you?".

As much you may love him do you ever want to hear you dd say that again,

I hope you sleep well.

worraliberty · 27/10/2011 02:06

Don't worry about the love...it can't be switched off like a light when it suits you.

That'll come in time...you'll stop loving him eventually once you've had enough time and space to stand back and look at the bigger picture without the emotional feelings involved.

Try to sleep and most of all take each day as it comes.

Remember you're best friend will be with you in 48hrs and I'm sure she's also on the end of the phone.

BupcakesandHaunting · 27/10/2011 02:10

The love will go. Then it will turn to anger. The Angry Phase is when you get your best work done.

Your daughter is only three years old. She will probably not remember this when she is older. Let him back in and carry on abusing you and she WILL remember. You've been handed a clean break. Take it.

Cathycomehome · 27/10/2011 02:27

Hey - get some sleep and see how things look in the morning. If you and your daughter are safe, that's the main thing, and the cold light of day should bring a solution. x

Cathycomehome · 27/10/2011 02:29

Also - the drink won't have helped you tonight, although it seemed like a good idea at the time probably, and you may well feel clearer in the morning.

Fatshionista · 27/10/2011 08:12

I've had four hours sleep and woke with a migraine. I spent time picking up all the shards of glass from the floor and I feel terrible. I just don't know what to do with myself.

OP posts:

Emsmaman · 27/10/2011 08:19

Just take it one step at a time - you have to look after yourself and your dd. Write down all the practical things that need to be done and how to go about it. I know it's hard to feel this way now but it sounds like (not so d)p has done you a favour in the long run.

LizzieMo · 27/10/2011 08:22

You do not need a kicking- that is what he has done to you, making you think you are a failure, like you somehow deserve all this. Please be strong for your child. You need to keep her safe from this situation. As others have suggested, there are organisations which can help you. But please don't let him back, he has been abusive- you know it and your child knows it. Take something for your headache- then start to do what you have to do to re-build your life without him. You can do it!! Good luck.

iscream · 27/10/2011 08:31

Take some headache tablets, and have some coffee and food. Remind yourself that just because you love someone, doesn't mean they are good for you. Sometimes loving a bad person is like an addiction, you know it can ruin your life and your children's lives, but keep on with it. Don't do that.
Today just try and get yourself feeling better, so you can face the details of the rest with a clear head.
Good luck, and be strong.

PotteringAlong · 27/10/2011 08:31

You do not need a kicking - what a great thing you will have taught your DD for when she's older - for the rest of her life she'll know that you don't ever have to let someone treat you like that because you're worth more, and she'll know because she's following your example.

So, if he's gone I'd feel pretty damn proud of myself!

Now, practically, can you get through the next 24 hours til your friend comes?

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