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AIBU to not treat other people's children as guests in my house?

(30 Posts)
GhoulyNuff Tue 25-Oct-11 17:21:31

I do mean the ones that come round on a regular basis, not the first-time-overs!
I never thought this was odd, or unreasonable.
Except that I was talking with a good friend about it, and she thought I was a meany, who wouldn't "let kids be kids".

When there are extra kids around, be they family, or friends of my kids, I treat them all the same. My DD is 14, my DS is 12, and they have friends around prety much every day. I also have 4 nieces (1,3,4,7) who are often dropped off.
I expect all kids to follow the house rules, and they do. If they are there at meal times, they are welcome to stay. If they don't like what is on offer, I usally have an alternative, but I don't do the 6 different meals for six kids thing.
If I come home with a van load of groceries, I expect all kids to help unload and put stuff away. Even the little ones can put the potatoes in the potato box grin
If they sleep over, I expect them to help deflate air matresses in the morning, or fold up the couch, and to help tidy up.

I'm not a slave driver or anything, and I spend a lot of time with the kids doing things, like going to the beach or hiking or painting. I spend a lot of time talking with them too.

I just don't let them get away with any behaviour that my kids aren't allowed. They have to follow the rules and be accountable, or they don't come back.

Would you be cross if your child was asked to help out when they were at someone elses house? Or if they had to follow house rules?

malovitt Tue 25-Oct-11 17:26:10

All kids here at the time muck in at our house too, bringing shopping in, straightening sofa cushions after they've been lolling all over them, washing up after a meal etc.
I think it's perfectly normal.

LucyRaggyDoll Tue 25-Oct-11 17:26:39

Sounds fair enough to me

Alibabaandthe80nappies Tue 25-Oct-11 17:27:21


TheTenantOfWildfellHall Tue 25-Oct-11 17:28:20

That's just normal isn't it? YANBU.

ddubsgirl Tue 25-Oct-11 17:28:34

same here too.

alarkaspree Tue 25-Oct-11 17:29:50

You'd expect adult visitors to do all those things as well wouldn't you? You are treating them as guests, but friend-guests not honoured guests.

Ignore your friend, you are happy, your kids are happy, their friends are happy presumably otherwise they wouldn't come back.

needanewname Tue 25-Oct-11 17:30:38

Sounds fab to me. Good for children to see that they have to do things in other home too

TobyLeWolef Tue 25-Oct-11 17:32:26

I absolutely do what you do, OP.

My best friend lives a couple of hundred yards down the road from me. Her DD (12) and my DS (12) and DD (10) are all very close friends. They spend most weekends together, all sleep over in my living room at least once a fortnight, and all involved agree that it's normal that I treat my friends DD as my own child and vice versa. If there's mess made/sleepover things to put away, they all have to do it.

She came over on Saturday on her way home from an epic Tesco shop. The children were all out at the park. I 'phoned my DS and told them all to meet friend at her house so that they could unload the car for her. She gave them each a bar of chocolate, which she had bought especially for bribery purposes, as payment grin

OnlyWantsOne Tue 25-Oct-11 17:35:26

My Sister makes her 14 year old son & friends lug firewood in and stack it if they want a sleep over. They gladly do it.

cat64 Tue 25-Oct-11 17:38:30

Message withdrawn

ASByatt Tue 25-Oct-11 17:41:37

cat64 - I wouldn't usually comment an o poster's typos, but I love your 'dcs' fiends' - it's a very Halloween typo!

ASByatt Tue 25-Oct-11 17:41:56

Unless they're not such nice kids? smile

ASByatt Tue 25-Oct-11 17:42:28

And of course it's great that my own posts are full of typos to show that they're fine.... hmm

cat64 Tue 25-Oct-11 17:58:12

Message withdrawn

GhoulyNuff Tue 25-Oct-11 18:28:06

grin @ fiends!

LittleMissFlustered Tue 25-Oct-11 18:43:11

Normal operating procedure in my neck of the woods. Carry on!

Fiercelydoesit Tue 25-Oct-11 18:44:56

Op Yanbu at all, especially with the age range you are accommodating. There is nothing less appealing than a young person who is not capable of some basic houseguest etiquette. You can be sure that with your house rules your kids will always get invited back and good that you are extending house rules for your own kids to their friends.

highlandcoo Tue 25-Oct-11 19:00:00

It's how I did it too, OP. You're welcoming them by treating them as part of the family .. I think it's a nice way to have kids in your house. Should they be lolling around with you slaving after them instead? I don't think so

AteAWholePacketOfBiccys Tue 25-Oct-11 19:03:15

You are teaching them all a good lesson, in a nice way, for when they are older.
Some kids I know (not mine) could do with spending a couple days at your house to learn a few things about mucking in and cleaning up after themselves.

exoticfruits Tue 25-Oct-11 19:05:15

I thought it was normal-you mean that people don't do that? No wonder they hate 'playdates'!

GhoulyNuff Tue 25-Oct-11 20:04:09

I guess I'm not the only one then smile

Daisy1986 Tue 25-Oct-11 20:04:51


DD is only 2 so no experience with her friends but when I was younger my parents friends did this as did mine as we practically lived at each others house and if anything I was more helpful at their house then at my parents. If anything it makes you feel welcome and part of the family.

Tigerstripes Tue 25-Oct-11 20:50:25

When I was young I did whatever my friends' family were doing when I was there: helping with the weekly shop, unloading it, putting it away etc etc. Made me feel a real part of the family and will do the same sort of thing with friends of my DC (when I have them!).

Maryz Tue 25-Oct-11 20:57:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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