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Liar Liar pants on fire

(97 Posts)
RealityIsADistantMemory Tue 25-Oct-11 10:36:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissVerydead Tue 25-Oct-11 10:41:23

Is there any chance you could recognise her for telling the truth, even if it is something like "Yes, mummy, I did kick DB"

Maybe Truth Tokens or something- not a reward, but using the truth token to "lessen" the consequence; like five minutes time out, or tell the truth, get a token and it's two minutes time out?

Maybe that's a crap idea, my 3yo has just started with the most hurrendous porkies!

Diamondback Tue 25-Oct-11 10:42:18

Honestly? I think you probably need to talk to someone with some expertise in child behaviour, rather than asking random people on the internet. It could just be a phase, or it could indicate something more serious. But I have no idea, because I'm not qualified.

Maybe talk to your GP or Health Visitor about who can help you? OR try a book, like this one

RealityIsADistantMemory Tue 25-Oct-11 10:42:54

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LeBOOOf Tue 25-Oct-11 10:43:03

Bury her in the garden until she is 18. This too shall pass, as they used to say.

And be prepared for about forty eight people to seize in the fifteen minute One Legged Torture By the Eeeevil DH. You divvy- you know what it's like here! grin

RealityIsADistantMemory Tue 25-Oct-11 10:45:34

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ScarahStratton Tue 25-Oct-11 10:47:33

Nah, I wish I'd thought of the Fifteen Minute One Legged Torture. That's sheer genius, that is.

I'd just blatantly ignore the lies, especially the more attention seeking ones.

RealityIsADistantMemory Tue 25-Oct-11 10:48:27

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StaceymAloneForver Tue 25-Oct-11 10:51:41

i uswed to do this as a kid maybe not so blatantly but i would swear black was blue, it passes, not sure how my parents dealt with it tho sorry xxx

Olderyetwilder Tue 25-Oct-11 10:53:04

I think you need to differentiate between the harmless lies that are part of developing imagination, 'we went to the zoo at school today' just meet with, 'that's nice dear', or ignore and move on.

The other stuff though, I wouldn't give her the chance to admit or deny or ask for explanations at all, I'd just have sanctions for bad behaviour and rewards for good behaviour (and if bad behaviour is instantly owned up to then I'd probably go for no sanction at the moment since this is what you're trying to get to). Just say,'you hit DB' or whatever the behaviour is and impose the sanction. If she instantly says sorry or similar then reward for telling truth. But make sure that you catch her doing right a lot as well so she gets plenty of positives

We had this at about the same age, and that's what worked for us. It is upsetting and frustrating but it does pass, and don't worry too much, it doesn't mean she'll grow up a wrong'un. Good luck!

LowLevelStabbing Tue 25-Oct-11 10:54:27

Do you have a new(ish) baby in the house, have I remembered that right?

The reason I ask is because I did this kind of thing when my younger brother was born and then had meningitis; I was 5.


mum: LLS, did you gouge 'Meg the hen went up the hill' into the piano in biro?'
me: noooooo....



I wonder if this is the kind of scenario where more pre-emptive (rather than reactive) efforts are needed? You know the kind of thing, quality mum/daughter time, making her feel involved, responsible?

BTW, I've no doubt you do this already, but maybe a heavy handed positive approach is needed?

MrsOzz Tue 25-Oct-11 10:56:16

I'm sorry but reading the porky pies she tells made me chuckle. I hope it is a phase and passes soon.

The only thing I could think of is to maybe play her at her own game so she can see how annoying it is?
'Mum can I have a XXXX for christmas'
'No, Christmas isn't happening this year'
'yes it is'
'nope, not in 2011'
'yes it is'
'no it isn't
'yes it is we are doing a Christmas play'
'no Christmas play this year'
'muuuuuuum, why are being silly and saying stupid things?'
'I don't know DD, why are YOU!?'

blackeyedsusan Tue 25-Oct-11 11:00:43

school nurse if she is 7. they may have better ideas.

RealityIsADistantMemory Tue 25-Oct-11 11:00:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blackeyedsusan Tue 25-Oct-11 11:01:04

(than the health visitor)

LowLevelStabbing Tue 25-Oct-11 11:03:28

Aww, don't say you're cancelling Christmas unless you'll go through with it! That's confusing for her and a leetle bit mean. Definitelt impose sanctions, but ones that don't ruin things for the whole family!

My feeling is that she could be feeling insecure and is seeking major engagement with you (Ok attention seeking, but that sounds dismissive of a small girl's needs).

mewantcookiesmenocanwait Tue 25-Oct-11 11:04:27

I know you said you've tried ignoring it, and this is kind of a variation on that, but I'd be inclined not to worry about whether she'll admit to whatever she's done but just carry on as if she has admitted it. For example, when you both know she hasn't changed her socks, or has poured all the soap down the drain, just take no notice of whatever she says and proceed as if she'd admitted it. Otherwise you'll spend all your time in a battle of wills which is ultimately a bit pointless.

IndigoBell Tue 25-Oct-11 11:05:14

My DS (also 7) does this all the time as well.

We have absolutely no idea what to do, and it really impacts our ability to interact with him because we can't trust a single thing he says. Especially wrt anything that happens at school so we can't verify whether he's telling the truth or not.

RealityIsADistantMemory Tue 25-Oct-11 11:11:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth Tue 25-Oct-11 11:12:45

I think her diva behaviour means she is going to be a great actress and make you very proud one day

I have read your threads about dd before. Seriously, she seems to thrive on the drama.

LowLevelStabbing Tue 25-Oct-11 11:14:03

Don't engage in "no i didn't" "yes I did"

Don't talk to he at all while she is in time out. Just keep taking her back to time out in silence if she moves until time is up.


MrsOzz Tue 25-Oct-11 11:16:55

Lol at the cancelling Christmas!

Put CCTV in her room then when she says 'But I didn't draw on the carpet/wall/wardrobe,' you can play her the footage and say 'well it sure looks like you!'

Sorry I'm not being much help here! Congratulations on the birth of your son btw x

RealityIsADistantMemory Tue 25-Oct-11 11:20:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Olderyetwilder Tue 25-Oct-11 11:23:12

Maybe you're getting it all out of the way early and she'll be a lovely teenager?

ballstoit Tue 25-Oct-11 11:36:41

Try to be very aware of how she's getting her attention from you. Ignore, ignore, ignore the stuff you don't want. Praise and do standing ovations for the things you'd like her to be doing. Spending 15 minutes arguing about whether she is standing on one leg or two is 15 minutes that neither of her brother's is getting your attention.

It is annoying when she spends her whole time out screaming that she didn't do something, which is why you need to completely ignore her.
If she breaks or spoils something, then she needs to restore it when she's calmed down. So, if she trashes her room because she's cross, when she calms down she'll need to tidy it back up again. And if she doesn't then she loses privileges until it's done TV, earlier bedtime, no Brownies... whatever will mean something to her.

Balance the ignoring with heaps of love and praise when she does anything remotely good. Smiling at her little brother, helping with the smallest job round the house and telling you real things that have happened in the day.

She sounds like a very bright little girl, it won't take her long to work out that some things are not worth her while.

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