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Random strangers offering parenting advice

(12 Posts)
cornflowers Tue 25-Oct-11 09:56:56

Was queuing up to board a plane back to the uk from a European city last night. Dd (21 months) had been asleep in her pushchair for about 20 mins & was woken up by the noise etc passing customs. She proceeded to cry for about 10 mins, whilst I carried her up & down in departure lounge. At one point a man pulled a face at her & she stopped crying momentarily. He said, "see, he just wants you to talk to him or play with him (sic!), you need to engage with your baby!" Thing is, if dd is woken prematurely from a nap it is utterly pointless attempting to engage her, as it just winds her up. She always needs to be allowed to cry for a few minutes & is usually fine after that. As indeed she was yesterday, she cheered up by the time we got on the plane & was perfectly behaved for the 2 hour flight. AIBU to be irritated by well-intentioned but unsolicited advice from strangers?

recall Tue 25-Oct-11 09:59:23

what a TWAT ! We don't even look at my DS when he is in a sleep disturbed temper, just have to wait. You need to engage with your baby - so judgemental angry

Olderyetwilder Tue 25-Oct-11 10:00:19

yanbu to be irritated, but you won't ever stop it so just let it wash over you.

MadameCastafiore Tue 25-Oct-11 10:01:14

Yes YBU.

The stranger obviously cheered up your child if it stoped crying even if it was momentarily.

I work with a family therapist who quite pften goes up to people asking them if they would like advice when their child is upset or misbehaving. He is a lovely man and has helped so many families and says 'It takes a village to raise a child' which I really believe.

Gone are the days when you knew everyone who lived around you and they reported on you if you were naughty or helped out when mother wasn't around or when you were in trouble, lost or just hungry.

Would you rather people ignore you and stare at your child crying or try and engage them and you?

aldiwhore Tue 25-Oct-11 10:05:16

OP the way the man said it would have made me a little niggly, but I think his sentiment was a good one.

I could never engage with my first baby when he was in full steam crying mode, but a look from a stranger would instantly distract him... I used that to my advantage. It didn't make me a failure, it just meant that my role in my baby's life was comforter, and the stranger was the distraction that was needed!

AhsataN Tue 25-Oct-11 10:11:35

Ive only ever had it once when DS was about 6 months old and we were out shopping. ds became very tired and ratty and started crying, i reclined his buggy so he could have a sleep, as when he is that tired he does not want to be held he just wants to sleep.
he was crying for a few minutes and a women walked up to me and said "how about you pick your baby up and then he might stop crying, if you found out what was wrong with him".
i just told her to butt out hes my child and he doesn't want picking up hes tired".
i haven't had anything else Ive mostly had sympathetic looks when hes having a melt down, or a friendly comment along the lines of "i know how it feels don't worry".

corlan Tue 25-Oct-11 10:14:22

Just forget it Cornflowers - these childcare experts are everywhere! In my experience, they are usually people that have never actually done the hard work of raising a child.

DoMeDon Tue 25-Oct-11 10:18:45

YABU to be irritated. He was trying to help, despite talking drivel.

I used to feel so self concious with a crying baby, I think my anxiety made the crying worse tbh. Of course babies stop crying when a random stranger pulls a face - would they hell stop crying for mummy's regularly viewed daft face.

LeBOOOf Tue 25-Oct-11 10:20:20

What, like on mumsnet?

Rollon2012 Tue 25-Oct-11 10:23:01

it think the 'you need to engage with your baby' would have angered me

Magneto Tue 25-Oct-11 10:27:46

My ds always cheers right up once a stranger, or his nan hmm get involved. Even if they do exactly what dh and I have been doing. I think he has started early with that thing they do where they behave for school but not at home.

MoaninMinny Tue 25-Oct-11 10:29:24

t think the 'you need to engage with your baby' would have angered me

absolutely. thats what tellies, dvds and ipads are for innit!

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