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to be pig sick of playing host?

(13 Posts)
diggityhiggity Mon 24-Oct-11 23:25:47

DH in his job has to do a lot of networking (and comes from a very umm posh background so lots of 'networking' there as well)

Except I have to always be hostess. Get togethers with his 'network' for work always happen at ours, I always have to be hostess. DH gets to circulate and talk about work and stuff or about people that they all use to know (who I have no idea who they are talking about it). I often don't really know them very well or at all.

I'm always 'So you must be Mrs Surname, umm, first name right?'

For a start I am not Mrs Surname and no one calls me by my fn and I never get a chance to connect them.

I have to dress up, do drinks, deal with food and then deal with the 3 DCs when they wake up/want to see what is going on.
I'm preg with DC4, work full time.

I know DH has to do it for work but I am bloody sick of it. I've been the person on his arm since we were 20. I'm just fed up of it.

AIBU?

aldiwhore Mon 24-Oct-11 23:31:48

YANBU but you are a little, because you can do something about it. The next networking session should be done where you're not the hostess, but a guest perhaps?

The other thing you can do is never be remembered as the lady with a tray, I can safely say that most of my DH's closest colleagues and business people are bordering on friends on MINE too now, let them talk business, but by all means be you too. DH's less close colleagues, well, I'm still Mrs Whore or Aldi, and they're erm, well... I can't remember THEIR names either, one's MrSexistTwat, MrNeedsaniceteadrinkingwoman, and Bod.

I don't blame you for being sick of it when its family and colleagues and you're holding down a full time job and have 3 children AND are pregnant, but sometimes you know exactly what you're marrying into, and there is a degree of accepting that as part of your lives together, but you can do it your way and you don't have to do it all the time.

I'll bet if you talked to another woman in your extended family, she'd probably understand, and I'll bet my last penny there's one within the ranks who'd say "Hostess? Lord no I couldn't be doing with all that guff, when go out darling"... so maybe now is the time to put the brakes on?

wherearemysocks Mon 24-Oct-11 23:37:45

If it has to held at your house how about getting some caterers in so you can then enjoy the party and get to mingle yourself a bit?

annh Mon 24-Oct-11 23:41:35

I don't understand - why does it always have to be at your house? If your husband is entertaining colleagues on a similar level, why is the networking not reciprocated? And yes, I agree with whoever said you should get the caterers in. If your husband's job demands that level of socialising, you want to be seen as a part of the social aspect, not as the maid!

fedupofnamechanging Mon 24-Oct-11 23:45:06

I think that if this is not what you want, then it isn't fair for you to have to keep doing it. Tell dh that the options are a) someone else in his circle gets to host, b) you outsource catering and employ a couple of people to serve drinks/food and c) hosting is done at a restaurant.

Failing that, dh looks for another career - one that doesn't impact negatively on your life.

You have 4 dc and a job of your own - your dh has to accommodate that and not expect to get things his own way all the time.

I disagree with this idea of marrying into a way of life and having to suck it up. There are two people in a marriage and they both have an equal right to be happy with their lifestyle. Circumstances and situations change and just because you were prepared to do this when you were 20 and had fewer/no dc or a less demanding career of your own, it doesn't follow that you should be obliged to do this forever.

diggityhiggity Mon 24-Oct-11 23:48:01

I don't understand why it is always at ours either - often they do happen at weekend so will be at our other house.
With his friends and stuff he was always the host (i don't mind it so much within our group) so think it just flowed over to work stuff
Caterers - i'll see if i can get one for this weekend.

ohh trust me some guests have assumed I was staff - it was the accent - i soon put them wrong. I do want to mingle and stuff as well but not as Mrs surname. (tha is his DMum!)

AgentZigzag Mon 24-Oct-11 23:49:04

Sounds like something out of Terry and June, and you never heard June complaining grin

But then June didn't have 4 children.

What does your DH say about you not wanting to play the role any more?

DogsBeastFiend Mon 24-Oct-11 23:53:44

Blow that for a game of soldiers! I'm going to go against the gentle line of thought expressed so far and say that expecting you to host business meals at the weekend when you have young DC, are pregnant and work FT is taking the pee big time!

I'd give him a couple of options - he hosts elsewhere, he gets caterers in and makes it clear that to guests that you are Jane Smith, his wife, although he is John Jones, and not a ruddy maid or that he dips into his pocket, pays for you to go away for the weekend and caters the ruddy events himself!

annh Mon 24-Oct-11 23:54:03

Well, just point out to your husband that the socialising is never reciprocated so maybe it isn't so important to either his job or his social life for it to continue at this level! Everyone else is obviously managing to get on without it! Again, I don't see why the fact that the gatherings happen at the weekend automatically means it is at your house (or even your "other" house) ? Does everyone else only have a house from Mon-Fri?!

cat64 Mon 24-Oct-11 23:54:15

Message withdrawn

diggityhiggity Tue 25-Oct-11 00:07:54

It is reciprocated sometimes annh we have a place outside of city - it is the closest to city and has place for some to stay if a tad bit drunk. Some others do but most is about 3/4hrs out. But get what you are saying.

cat64 I don't get a chance to because I nod slightly and go to open my mouth to correct them but they very often turn away/other connversations. Year after we got marred I would correct people, some older gentleman sticked up their noses and MIL eventually said something to me about it all. At the time I didn't want to rock the boat as DH was just starting off. I probably should have old her to stick it but hey I was young and she is very scary :P

Inertia Tue 25-Oct-11 08:29:03

YANBU. Of course you shouldn't have to do it all. You need to start saying no, it's somebody else's turn. When it's your husband's turn, he can either do catering or sorting children while you do the other, or you get caterers and/or a babysitter in.

Neither your husband nor his colleagues have the right to treat you as staff.

Treadmillmom Tue 25-Oct-11 12:50:37

My word, are you trapped in a 1970's sitcom?
Why can't DH go out for a meal, bowling, laser quest, Legs 11 etc

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