Is it me being moody?(18 Posts)
Here's my issue I don't know if I'm suddenly suffering with pmt,have mild depression or just tired or just not a nice person. I keep lurching into really low moods and it takes a day or two to get back to being bubbly and bright again, I dont even have the will to talk to dh about it, even though he is the best I just keep it all in and tell him to bear with me when I'm having a downer. Normally these lows are triggered by something but I feel like I have no friends and no one to talk to. Heres this weekends story...
On a girlie weekend when the friendly banter starts aimed at me I respond...friend 1 retaliates with a really angry vicious response...we're all a bit taken about but gloss over it and are chatting away. Inside i'm having the dilemma..should I just pack my bags and go....it took all my common sense to work though it.after a great day and evening we "lost" another of our group and as we were moving on elsewhere I called her only to find she'd left her phone at home and her jealous (after she'd had an affair...another story) husband picked it up, several calls later from him we found her but I said we' tried to call her she went mad asking why on earth I'd called her....anyway this tipped me over the edge I went outside just to cool off when friend 1 came out and had a real go at me and told me to sort myself out all quite full on. I went back to where we staying, didn't speak again and got up and left at 9am.i of course feel shit but not sure why I'm in the firing line. In all this I haven't shouted at anyone but deliberately kept my mouth for fear of saying something I'd regret.
But... Instead of just laughing about it I can't and feel like hiding away from the world.... On the spiral of decline as I call it. That's one example it doesn't take something as girly as that tale normally but the effect is the same.
Your not moody but your not making your friends sound very nice and I can see why you left.
If you feel low though things you usually laugh off/ can get over seem magnified. Any change your friends always treat you so badly an because your low and called them on it that's why it escalated?
As for having low days - change in weather?, depression? PMT? yep could be any of them.
The main issue here though is that your friends treated you badly and YANBU to feel like shit.
Migrating coconuts ...not early on it was only lunchtime but yes we had later. Friend with jealous husband is a bit of a nightmare when trashed and had had an argument with an ex flat mate she'd met when we were out....hence why we had to go elsewhere....I was hurt more that she thought I'd try and stitch her up trust me I've never ever judged her we've been friends for 25 years. She still doesn't think I was right to call her
alcohol can bring out issues that have been simmering away.
If you are worried about depression then I would go to the doctor about it.
Your friends sound awful tbh, a little like teenagers.
Why did friend1 think you needed to 'sort your self out'??
migrating I think maybe OP's friend treated her badly before and that she stood up for herself and they reacted to that.
Unfortunatly when shy/unconfident people stand up for themselves it usually ends in them getting made to feel worse/ less esteem.
OP noone deserves to be the butt of anyones jokes/ anger and quite rightly you considered leaving.
TBH you sound like the most sane, mature one who was there!
certainly reading the opening post confused me because its feel reminded me so much of teenager days and your interpretation, Boo, is exactly what I remember from those days.
Why are these people your friends chippy? You have not painted a pleasant picture of them at all, certainly not to have a 25 year friendship with!
Banter. The polite name for being a cunt.
That particular example sounds like it would try anyone's patience.
Can you identify a pattern to the low patches? Maybe keep a diary to identify the triggers, or ask your dh to keep track. From the info you've given, it might not actually be you iyswim
When I go out with my mates we stick together and phoning because you can't find someone means you're a considerate person worried for their safety...
I see these girls rarely although we have history and go back a long way to school, hence the teenager comments are probably related to that. I'm always the maininstigator of meeting up and put a lot of effort into this weekend. They do all have issues (business failings, affairs, not to mention relationships traumas that would fill. MN)of which i probably know the most about out of any of us but They aren't as fussed as I am to keeping everyone happy.
As the cloud is clearing I'm more concerned with feeling better and not too despairing. I just hate the thought of being depressed and don't want dh to have a depressive for a wife or a drama queen. I can't bear feeling down and not being able to cope with silly comments. Should at my age be able to deal with
The more you say the more they sound like emotional vampires tbh! If you're normally cheerful but feel crap after interacting with them (and others) then consider how important they really are
You say "I don't want dh to have a depressive wife". Are you a people-pleaser? Perhaps you are, and that's what's draining your energy?
I would also agree with what purple says - if you feel bad after seeing particular people then that may be a sign that you aren't benefitting from that friendship.
OTOH, if you are finding yourself feeling sensitive and emotional a lot of the time, maybe wanting to avoid socialising, then it could be a sign of depression
I was treated for depression after my dad died 9years ago but only for 3 months quite frankly I don't think I was I was just down as you'd expect but with good food, exercise and mainly time I sorted myself out.
I'm reluctant about never seeing these people again as they are my past and it's hard enough making friends in your 40's.
Then decrease the amount of effort you put in? Wait for them to get in touch, state what the arrangement is and expect them to fall into line instead of allowing them to inconvenience you by changing things
Eg: I'm booking a table at x restaurant in y town (easy for you to get to) at z time. Will you be there? I need numbers by next friday. Don't negotiate, if they don't like it they can organise it!
but these aren't really very good friends if they leave you feeling like this.
I agree with others, you need to look to finding better friends, which I know is difficult, but really worth it. Even if you end up with fewer.
My memory of school friends (and we are about the same age!) is that we actually did not have much in common other than we were in the same class. This meant meeting up with them always left me feeling like you do.
Friends that you are genuinely on the same wave length as and who will go out on a limb for you when you need it...that's what you should have.
If people treat you like dirt and act like nobs why would you choose to go out with them?
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