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So........is it socially unacceptable to have more than two children these days?

(179 Posts)
electra Mon 24-Oct-11 12:15:18

I have three. I have one friend in particular who has regularly makes snippy comments about how many more am I going to push out.

Recently I took dd3 to the GP and dd2 was with us. The GP is one I have known for years but have not seen for a while. She looked at dd3, looked at dd2 and back again. And then looked at me and said

'So....how many have you got now??

Do the rest of you encounter this? Is it worse if you're a lone parent perhaps?!

TheFidgetySheep Mon 24-Oct-11 12:16:35

I have three and have not experienced this.

worraliberty Mon 24-Oct-11 12:18:00

Nope, I've got 3 and not experienced it either.

electra Mon 24-Oct-11 12:18:34

There was a speaker on Newsnight a couple of years ago saying people who have more than two children are selfish because they are damaging the environment. I wondered if it has something to do with this.

Pagwatch Mon 24-Oct-11 12:18:36

I have three. I have had three for 9 years. I have never had a negative comment. I can think of few things less remarkable than 3 children.

Perhaps your gp is just a bit thick and can't count

altinkum Mon 24-Oct-11 12:20:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ragged Mon 24-Oct-11 12:21:36

I have four and I don't perceive comments like that. Occasional jokes, but I take them in good humour. Friend putting out snippy comments would no longer be a friend.. then again, this thread might be more about how you choose to take it than what they meant?

MrSpoc Mon 24-Oct-11 12:23:46

electra - did the speaker also have two of his/her own?

Having one child is bad for the environment but its worse for the human race to not have any.

faverolles Mon 24-Oct-11 12:24:09

I have 4 and have never had any comments yet.

spiderpig8 Mon 24-Oct-11 12:24:16

I've got 4 and apart from a few of the old 'haven't you got a TV' comments never had anything negative said.

Poledra Mon 24-Oct-11 12:24:39

I have 3 too. And no-one has made a negative comment (though my DBro has said I can claim his 'replacement' if anyone does, as he has no kids and no intention of having them). I do get lots of comments about 'How do you cope? You must be superwoman!'. Which is, in some ways, nice (y'know, people thinking about how marvellous I am grin) but my children have no special needs, I have a fabulous childminder and we are comfortably off. Go admire someone who is a lone parent with a child with SN and struggling to make ends meet. That's a lot more difficult to cope with, and lots of people manage it.

worraliberty Mon 24-Oct-11 12:25:07

Oh and my GP is a Mum of five! smile

switchtvoffdosomelessboring Mon 24-Oct-11 12:25:55

I also have four and find any comments are usually quite positive - along the lines of 'how do you manage, I struggle getting one ready..'

electra Mon 24-Oct-11 12:27:54

The friend who made the comment has no children and has a view that he only wants one child because it's otherwise impossible to provide all the things they need. Perhaps that's why he feels strongly about it.

fuzzynavel Mon 24-Oct-11 12:28:59

People should have as many as they can afford.

4madboys Mon 24-Oct-11 12:30:12

i have 5 and other than the usual 'you must have your hands full' or 'wow are you supermum' etc nothing particularly negative

porcamiseria Mon 24-Oct-11 12:31:10

dont be so sensitive

altough I do use as my excuse for not having a third "of the planets crowded as it is"

but really, we cant afford (a) larger house (b)larger car and (c) the fact that some 20-something fucker will steal my job if I go on mat leave a 3rd time

enjoy having 3!!!!

DiscoDaisy Mon 24-Oct-11 12:31:33

I have 5 and haven't had any negative comments. We've had the usually comments about buying a telly or being really organised.
As for the environment, I believe it all evens itself out anyway. My brother and my OH's sister don't have any children. If we had all had 2 each then it would have made 6 and we only have 5. iyswim.

colken Mon 24-Oct-11 12:33:15

I had two who have other halves and two children each. Having more than one was common many years ago (my mother was one of eight, my father was one of four and my husband was one of eight) but that was because infant mortality was greater than it is now and contraception was less available. Most of us stick to two or three now. I think it's the families who have more than 4 who are looked down on now because they are more likely to be claiming benefits (but not that they all do). In other words, they churn babies out and other people pay for them.

If you are paying for the upkeep of your children yourself, it's no one else's business how many you have.

That said though, the number of people in the world is growing alarmingly and we are constantly hearing about the shortage of food for people including those of us who can afford it and the shortage of land from which to produice it.

electra Mon 24-Oct-11 12:33:43

LOL porc - I am rather sensitive generally.

spookshowangellovesit Mon 24-Oct-11 12:34:11

well i have 3 and am pregnant with 4th and dp has 3 so when i got pregnant people were a bit you are going to have 7 between you wow, but not negative comments per sa.

CoffeeDog Mon 24-Oct-11 12:34:17

We have 3 (would have been 2 but had twins ;) SIL has just had no. 8 shock

Lots of people where we are have 4+ I struggle to give each one of mine the TIME they need, and there is only 3. SIL and her husband do not work and are availble for the kids so that works for them.

I do get the comment - when are you having another one ALOT though...

Dillydollydaydream Mon 24-Oct-11 12:36:47

I have three and we get called the Von Trappe family!
Two is very much the norm around here. I do know one mum with 7 though!

ragged Mon 24-Oct-11 12:39:29

Don't take the "friend" seriously, Electra. His life experience & perspectives are rather limited and he's missing out on a lot by taking such a blinkered view. I suppose he's like that in other areas of his life, too?

TheFidgetySheep Mon 24-Oct-11 12:40:27

tbh I do think there is a tipping point with regard to caring for children properly, but this is very different for every family.

I know people with 7 who are superb parents and people with two who cannot cope.

and I do think people judge people who don't have someone working in the family who have more chilldren. Not so much the redundant and working again within a few months but the long term whole family on benefits sort of thing.

I am less judgy since being a MN regular, but I do think people ought to think about how they will provide for new children before they have them. Tricky ground though I know

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