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Would you expect your ex to tell you if he was out if the country

(41 Posts)
akaemwahahahafrost Mon 24-Oct-11 10:11:56

If you had small kids, one with SN and you apparently "joint parent" those children?

RedHelenB Mon 24-Oct-11 10:14:01

Nope!! Don't expect anything of my ex, much less complicated that way!!

2rebecca Mon 24-Oct-11 10:14:30

Depends how long for. If a 1 or 2 day business trip when he wasn't expected to see the kids anyway it wouldn't bother me and my ex has done this, mainly due to forgetting to tell me/ thinking he has. If a week or 2 then you should be told. My ex is usually good at answering his mobile wherever he is though.

ImperialBlether Mon 24-Oct-11 10:16:40

My ex doesn't mention when he's gone on holiday, as it emphasises the fact I can't afford a holiday and he's not taking the children with him.

I think you should be told, though, in case of emergencies.

akaemwahahahafrost Mon 24-Oct-11 10:18:54

Ok, well I think he is away with someone else, which is fine by me but I just know he would have had a lot to say if the situation was reversed NOT that I get away at weekends ever without dc as we mainly works weekends so can't have them, I get a couple of hours the odd week night. Also he moans like f*ck if I even take dc away to my parents for a couple of days.

CurrySpice Mon 24-Oct-11 10:19:53

How odd, I had this a few weeks back. Ex went away for a few days and was VERY reluctant to tell me where (and tbh who with! shock)

DD1 was ill at school and they couldn't get hold of me (in meeting) and tried him - he was abroad so no way could her get back for DD

As it happened, I picked my messages up after half an hour and was nearby to fetch DD1 but I could have been 100s of miles away with work!

I think if he is an emergency contact or whatever, then he should tell you

akaemwahahahafrost Mon 24-Oct-11 10:20:06

That's what I thought IB, emergencies. It would not occur to me to leave the country without telling him AND my dc.

blackeyedsusan Mon 24-Oct-11 11:01:12

I think you should get an "i am going to be away and not available for emergencies until x date" then you can get someone else lined up in case of emergency. who he goes with and where exactly (if he takes his mobile) is up to him. though i am intensly nosey and would be desperate to know

ChocHobNob Mon 24-Oct-11 11:08:54

YANBU. A simple "I'm away from xxx - xxx".

We have the opposite problem. DSD's Mum takes her abroad and never bothers to inform DH.

fuzzynavel Mon 24-Oct-11 11:15:55

In the early days my ex used to keep this sort of secret from me. Probably because there he was in Barbados AGAIN whilst giving me a paltry amount of money for maintenance. It was born from his guilt.

akaemwahahahafrost Mon 24-Oct-11 11:15:55

Well we already fill in google calendar weekly, after months of "discussion" about the best way to plan things. This didn't appear on there though. I suspect it is my "punishment" for taking dc away to my parents this weekend, something he was reminded of many times.

StaceymAloneForver Mon 24-Oct-11 11:16:40

i think for emergencies YANBU

although had xh moan at me for booking a hoilday abroad for me and dc's without asking his permission hmm but i would have told him before we went abroad, just so he knew

akaemwahahahafrost Mon 24-Oct-11 11:48:06

Stacey ha, ha, they really are unbelievable aren't they?

I mentioned to him that there was a circus on near my parent's house this weekend and he said "be careful, kids are renowned for going missing at circuses, I honestly don't think you should put the kids at risk like that!" all said in a "What the F*CK are you thinking!!!" kind of way hmm.

So kids going to circuses or even being near circuses is risky behaviour. Pissing off on holiday abroad with no indication or emergency contact is not.

molepom Mon 24-Oct-11 11:51:30

LOL

Sorry but your thread title did make me laugh.

akaemwahahahafrost Mon 24-Oct-11 12:03:41

because of the if instead of the of?

akaemwahahahafrost Mon 24-Oct-11 12:04:26

I keep doing that in all my text messages too because of my chubby little fingers on the iphone.

Bossybritches22 Mon 24-Oct-11 12:08:33

Laughing here too as this exact thing happened recently to me.

ExH told me he was going away for the w/e (no problem my w/e with the kids) but on casually questioning talking to the DD's it transpires he was going away for a week to fecking Madrid!!! He told them his phone would be off & he would check it daily for emergency messages only.

As DD2 archly said "well he didn't think THAT one up by himself....AND he wouldn't go alone" they think its hilarious he's being so coy!

Now this is the man who makes a song & effing dance if I go away for the w/e (to far-flung Liverpool ooh get me) without leaving contact details in case of emergency. Even though the DD's both have the details & my mum who would leg it up to support ExH if needed much as she hates him, to comfort the girls. AND he's always crying poverty & won't spend a PENNY more than he has to over his maintanence on his daughters.

I emailed & sweetly told him he was quite right, we both needed to know, for emergencies, and as mobiles are notoriously unreliable in certain areas then I thought the landline contact number would also be useful. grin

Needless to say he didn't answer that one!!

Sorry OP can you tell you hit a nerve?!

YANBU!

molepom Mon 24-Oct-11 12:26:05

I'll pm you the reason why it made me laugh.

ivykaty44 Mon 24-Oct-11 12:32:30

my dd1's school phoned her father when she was sick - he told the school to phone the next contact on the list as he was busy. The school scrubed hiom of the list after that and left the other three contacts in first second and third place.

Consequently I don't put his number down for contact now, if he wants to he can contact any school where his dc attend and get his number put on the contact list if he desires...he hasn't though

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern Mon 24-Oct-11 12:59:41

What a lot of muppets aren't they grin

All you can do really is roll your eyes and be SO glad they are Ex's.

... but you could share with us Molepom - we could all do with a laugh!!

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern Mon 24-Oct-11 13:00:15

Ivy - good on the school!!

LittleMissFlustered Mon 24-Oct-11 13:02:44

Had that. Last three times ex has been away I have found out through friends or twitter. That letter was this week. I sent him a 'would be handy to know you're unavailable in case of emergency' and he admitted this would indeed be wise. He is a secretive type, but also a forgetful one. Mismanaging the both of them is the reason he is an exgrin

MoaninMinny Mon 24-Oct-11 13:06:24

you can still phone a mobile in an emergency even if abroad

or are you suggesting they never go x miles away in case of the "emergency"

LittleMissFlustered Mon 24-Oct-11 13:13:03

No, suggesting its good manners to let the other parent know if you're not about for a decent length of timesmile Works both ways. If the kids are off on a jolly I let him know as he sometimes pops to see them for an hour if he has spare time.

LittleMissFlustered Mon 24-Oct-11 13:14:27

He is the second contact on school and medical records. If my phone doesn't get answered they call him. If he is away I can let school know to skip to the third contact etc. from my point of view it's not a control issue, just a courtesy one, if that makes sense?

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