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To think my sister should not have her dress unzipped by another man in the pub?

(132 Posts)
KouklaWhooooo Sun 23-Oct-11 19:28:46

My sis has just met a new man. He's lovely by all accounts. Yesterday, she went to her friends wedding, and afterwards went on to meet new man plus friends in a pub. She wasn't drunk (muslim wedding) but a couple of the friends were hammered apparently.

So she's having a drink with new man plus 3 of his friends in a pub, and they're (drunkenly) giving her quite a hard time - for being the the only girl there - lots of innuendo about her & new man (their friend). She laughed it all off - as banter.

But then new man went to the bar and one of the friends went to give my sis a 'hug' while chatting to her in a friendly way, but undid her dress - ie. unzipped a smart (suitable for wedding) strapless dress (she had worn a jacket over it for the wedding) - unzipped it from the top to her mid back, so the dress flopped forwards. He then immediately zipped it back up, but my sis took herself away to other side of the bar and cried her eyes out.

She composed herself, and went back and when new man asked her where the hell she had been, she explained, and promptly burst into tears again. She ids very upset - her new man was adorably apologetic.

She is still upset. Am I unreasonable to think this is totally our of order thing for a friend of a 'new man' to do to her in a London pub?

HelveticaTheBold Sun 23-Oct-11 19:30:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmorYCohetes Sun 23-Oct-11 19:30:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMess Sun 23-Oct-11 19:31:16


This new man certainly hasn't picked his friends wisel sad

RandomMess Sun 23-Oct-11 19:31:30


NotJustClassic Sun 23-Oct-11 19:31:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo Sun 23-Oct-11 19:33:00

and what did this 'friend' have to say? did he apologise to her? what a wanker. who the hell does that to someone? never mind someone they have just met. what did new man say about it. i'm sure he was fuming at his 'friend'. in fact if it were one of my friends, tehy wouldnt be a friend anymore.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo Sun 23-Oct-11 19:33:50

in fact if he had done it to me i most likely would have punched him. it wouldn't have been the right thing to do but it probably would have been my response.

RuthChan Sun 23-Oct-11 19:34:01

Completely out of order and totally unacceptable.
No question.

I do not go to a pub for a drink with friends and expect to be stripped against my will.

DogsBeastFiend Sun 23-Oct-11 19:35:08

Why on earth would a grown woman cry over something like that?

Slap the mans face, kick the bugger in the Niagras by all means but cry? An adult woman?

Mishy1234 Sun 23-Oct-11 19:35:27

Absolutely disgraceful behaviour. YANBU OP, your poor sister.

DontGoCurly Sun 23-Oct-11 19:36:37

Sexual assault. I would press charges.

Mishy1234 Sun 23-Oct-11 19:37:32

DogsBeastFiend - she was probably in complete shock and felt violated. I don't find her reaction unusual, quite natural in fact.

KouklaWhooooo Sun 23-Oct-11 19:39:29

Dogs - she's quite a sensitive person. Difficult to say - yes, she's a grown woman - but sometimes things are so very unbelievable that crying is a natural response.

RandomMess love the name smile

DontGoCurly Sun 23-Oct-11 19:40:07

I don't blame her for crying (and I'm not a crier) -very humiliating and embarassing. And if that's what he does in front of people imagine what he gets up to when no-one's looking.

I would seriously make a complaint about him and teach him a lesson.

badoomtish Sun 23-Oct-11 19:41:54

YANBU. It would make me wary of the new man to be honest ... he's keeping questionable company. In your sister's shoes I would take careful note of how he dealt with it and I would be on my guard until I was satisfied that this attitude didn't pervade the whole group of friends including new man himself.

DogsBeastFiend Sun 23-Oct-11 19:43:19

I'm sure the poor woman was very shocked and did feel violated. I damn well would have been too, Mishy. I just don't "get" the react with tears response rather than react with a cutting putdown/drink poured over twat's head/left hook/whathaveyou and I genuinely don't know any women who would be in tears (not those women I know well enough to call friends at any rate).

Sorry, it's irrelevant anyway, I was just typing as I thought, so to speak.

KouklaWhooooo Sun 23-Oct-11 19:43:51

The New Man was mortified - he couldn't believe it of his friend. He did challenge him (unknown to my sis) later on that night - in the "wtf did you think you were doing? type thing. Guy that undid the dress texted new man the next day saying " I think I may have upset <sis> last night and I'm really sorry"

BUt I mean, WTF?? You just don't do that do you? And btw, some people just aren't up to slapping men in public (myself included).

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo Sun 23-Oct-11 19:44:36

DBF- humiliation, shock, violation, helplessness, maybe it brought forth emotions she had supressed about something similar happening before. doesn it matter why she cried, teh fact is this man put her in a horrible situation. anger is one response but tears are a perfectly natural response also.

scarevola Sun 23-Oct-11 19:45:15

Of course it's totally and utterly unreasonable behaviour.

The ONLY reason for loosening clothing in public (especially without consent) is medical emergency.

I the new man is genuinely contrite, then he will not inflict the company of this dreadful sounding creature on her again.

squeakyfreakytoy Sun 23-Oct-11 19:45:53

The bloke sounds a twat, and I wouldnt have cried, I would have slapped him across the face.

If he unzipped it, and then rezipped it immediately, I cant imagine how anyone would have noticed, or how anything would have been exposed though...

QuintessentialShadyHallows Sun 23-Oct-11 19:46:31

They are ALL like that:

So she's having a drink with new man plus 3 of his friends in a pub, and they're (drunkenly) giving her quite a hard time - for being the the only girl there - lots of innuendo about her & new man (their friend). She laughed it all off - as banter.

I would not want to see new man again. "Show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are" - Old Norwegian saying.

ChaoticAngelofSamhain Sun 23-Oct-11 19:47:10

YANBU I'd be rethinking my relationship, if I was your sister, if he has friends like that.

ZillionChocolate Sun 23-Oct-11 19:47:11

Er, I'm not sure how I'd react if someone I just met humiliated me in that way. I don't think her reaction is the issue, it's the friend's appalling behaviour and how the new man reacts from here on.

LydiaWickham Sun 23-Oct-11 19:47:22

I'd be interested in the new man's reaction. I'd expect him to 'have strong words' with his friend, appologise to her for this happening and refuse to have anything to do with his friend until he'd apologised and suitably grovelled.

Tell her that's how a nice bloke would react to his friend doing something like this, if he doesn't then he thinks its ok to treat woman like this, and will be treating her like shit once he gets comfortable, so she might as well get rid now.

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