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AIBU?

to think a 14 year old can share sweets

184 replies

GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 15:13

My 14 year old step sister visited today with my mum and step dad. Usually we visit when she is at theirs, but today I am not well so they came here.

She had a big bag of apple laces, which she sat and ate a few herself. My DC, 8, 6 and 2 asked if they could have one and she said "no they are mine" and refused to share. Even when the 2 year old had a tantrum and my 6 year old (with SN) cried. They stayed for 2 hours and she kept the almost full packet right next to her leg with her hand over them. Occasionally my DC (the youngest two anyway) asking if they could have one, each time the answer was no and each time they were unhappy about it. The 2 year old in the end swapped his twirl that he got off my mum for one apple lace.

She is usually a thoughtful girl, I just thought this was quite selfish of her, especially as she had loads of them! She could have at least offered them one each. Sharing doesn't bother me with young children, but honestly, at 14 you should share the mass of sweets you have!

OP posts:

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worraliberty · 23/10/2011 15:16

She sounds quite horrible actually

iggi999 · 23/10/2011 15:24

I think some families have a rule that if you eat in front of others, you have to share.
Personally I'd have ordered her to!

Uglymush · 23/10/2011 15:24

I am surprised her/your parents didn't sat something when it was obviously upsetting their grandchildren. They are only sweets after all, the shops have lots more of them if it was going to upset her that much to share!!

peeriebear · 23/10/2011 15:26

How mean, to watch children cry when a little lace is really nothing when you have a big bag! Teenagers are extremely solipsistic and self involved though. Next time she comes, open a tin of biscuits and eat a couple but don't give her any :o

Eyelasher · 23/10/2011 15:26

Yup. She a bitch.

birdsofshoreandsea · 23/10/2011 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 15:29

When they got upset I did say "she has said no" in a bit of an annoyed voice. Her dad is a bit of a non dad tbh, sees her once a week but doesn't do anything with her.

I have told them we will go get some tomorrow when I'm feeling a bit better.

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MrBloomsNursery · 23/10/2011 15:29

Omg. What were her parents doing when she sat their not offering sweets to her DN's?? What a greedy cow - sorry, but have to blame the parents. If my 3 year old had done that, I would have grabbed them off her, and given some to all of the children. Rude little girl.

GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 15:29

Eyelasher, she is only 14 years old, not a bitch at all!

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DeWe · 23/10/2011 15:30

Well it would have been nice for her to share them, but they were hers.

Personally if my 2yo had a tantrum over them I wouldn't have let him have one even if she'd offered.
I'd have also spoken to them after they'd asked a couple of times about not asking again, even if I'd been feeling that she could have offered one.
I might have got out some chcolate biscuits for the rest of us and pointed out she didn't need one if I'd felt like making a point.

Eyelasher · 23/10/2011 15:31

Of course she is an utter bitch. She saw others being sad and ignored them
When she had it within her power to be kind. Either that or psychopath.

worraliberty · 23/10/2011 15:32

If she wasn't being a bitch, what other explanaiton is there?

GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 15:36

She was being spiteful/selfsih but not a bitch. She is only 14, I think bitch is too harsh of a word to use for someone that age!

Like I've said, she is usually considerate so I am very surprised at the non sharing.

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nenevomito · 23/10/2011 15:36

If she wasn't being a bitch, what other explanaiton is there?

A selfish 14 year old?

Not unheard of. Wouldn't call her a bitch though.

Purplebuns · 23/10/2011 15:40

FGS she is lacking tact at 14, and it would have been nice if she shared. A bitch no.
However, she didn't have to give the kids any, nothing more annoying than being hassled by kids for something and they are really not entitled to it and my child would get short shrift for repeatedly asking as it is rude.

She should have hidden/put them away though.

LeBOOOf · 23/10/2011 15:40

It was selfish of her, yes. But I have to say that I think you could have handled it better (although I appreciate you're ill). I would have insisted she gave them one each and then put the bag away- out of sight, out of mind. It would have been confiscated until the end of the visit otherwise.

HawthornLantern · 23/10/2011 15:43

Of course she wasn't being a bitch. She's 14. Not sharing - in someone usually thoughtful and considerate and pleasant - suggests to me that actually she's not that happy just at the moment for whatever reason. She's controlling what might feel like the one small thing in her world that is in her control - the side effect of that makes her look selfish and is unpleasant but maybe the bigger issue is why she feels like that. You sound like a very kind sister - you've noticed this is out of character - maybe you can have a chat with her on her own at some point and see if there is anything on her mind.

Hungrydragon · 23/10/2011 15:44

It certainly doesn't seem normal, my 8 year old would automatically share in those circumstances. Was she deliberately trying to make a scene?

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 23/10/2011 15:45

So when she came to yours was that the one time a week that she sees her dad? Because if so I imagine she was annoyed she had to spend it with younger children and other people she might think that her dad wants to see more than her. Therefore she got into a sulky teenage strop that she didn't really know how to get out of. Plus, she might have thought her dad was going to take her out for the day, so when that didn't happen she sulked. If that's the case I feel a bit sorry for her, though of course her behaviour was very poor. Her dad should have told her to share, though if he knew she was in a strop already he might not have wanted to set her off any further and draw attention to the tensions!

GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 15:48

Lebooof, in hindsight yes I could have handled it better but felt it was not my place to parent her.

Are 14 year olds like this usually? I've no idea as I've not got to that stage with mine yet and cannot remember being 14.

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Feminine · 23/10/2011 15:48

God knows why teens do things sometimes...

It was mean ...especially in front of the little ones.

I would have found something nice for the others, and been extra nice to them

LeBOOOf · 23/10/2011 15:50

I'd have said the same to anybody who was family and behaving like that though- my brother, my dad, whoever. It's not parenting to expect guests in your home to avoid winding up your children, is it?

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LineRunner · 23/10/2011 15:53

She sounds quite unhappy, and was possibly looking for some kind of negative attention? I agree with HawthornLantern that you sound caring to have noticed that this was unusual your 14 year old step sister.

It can be a horrible age to be.

However it does seem that all the adults handled it rather randomly. I'd have made her put them away, for sure. 'Please either share them, or put them away, OK? It's very disruptive having one child with sweets.'

Feminine · 23/10/2011 15:54

Thats it LeBoof exactly!

I can't stand it when outside forces/situations destroy the equilibrium in my home (with my kids especially)

Totally irrational response from me ...but there you go!

rhondajean · 23/10/2011 15:55

Agreed it was a bit tight of her, but, you know what, they were HER sweets and she does not need to share them with anyone she doesnt want to. Your children sound like they just expected to be given sweets for asking and Id be doing some reinforcement of boundaries with them if they were mines, Id also be quite embarassed that being told no you cant have a sweet resulted in tears and tantrums.

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