To be angry that I'm so blooming sensitive that I cry so damned easily?(2 Posts)
It's my son's birthday today.
Last night I had a phone call from a woman (older than him), who a couple of years ago played mind games with him, and ended up with him repeatedly cting to commit suicide. She was part of a cult (seemingly christian), who seemed innocent enough, but whose 'priest' told my son that he had the 'devil' in him, and all the worshippers kept trying to place their hands on his head, chanting - this had a very serious affect on him. She called to get me to pass on birthday wishes to him as he's changed his number.
He's built his life up since. He has his own place, a steady girlfriend, adores his baby sister (my DD), and I get on much better with him than ever (it was very difficult when that 'woman' was around, and then I got married & had a baby).
I mentioned to my mum that this woman had called, and she said "well 'S' is unbelievably pretty". I was kind of dumbstruck for a minute, what she said had no relevance on what I'd told her. She then said that she'd better keep away from my son, as she is so attractive that my son's girlfriend wouldn't stand a chance, and that any man would be tempted by her & go off with her if she wanted them too - she even thought her husband - my dad would!!
I just sad bye and put the phone down on her - I'm sure she is wondering why, then cried.
I feel like the same little girl, that would always be compared to other girls - unfavourably - and grew up with such a skewed and unhealthy self-image...I mean I seriously thought that your worth was caught up with your looks.
When growing up, in drama classes etc, I'd be picked as the lead female character, and looking at photos now, I can see that I reall was very, very pretty. But my mum would always say that I wasn't blessed with so & so's long straight hair, that I needed a nose job (which I'm always being complimented on being as it's 'cute' etc, etc).
I had eating disorders when young, most of my dad's friends abused or groped me (so many that I think that all men are paedophiles who want very young teenagers, except my dad & m grandad).
I don't know why she affects me. I guess because she is saing that no man would ever love me enough to not cheat on me, not if tempted by someone as attractive as 's', whereas I don't see her as a goddess, or a threat, and had hoped that men (including my son) if in a committed relationship would be immune to the charms of someone like 'S', and I'm upset that she's ruined that illusion for me.
My sister's husband had affairs, and my mum blamed her weight gain (when she had DS), her age & the fact that she wasn't as 'stunning' as when her DH met her, as to why.
I find it sad that everything hinges on attractiveness, and not on the person inside
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