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To be totally shocked by how rude this man was and totally impressed by my poor dh

(176 Posts)
noonar Fri 21-Oct-11 19:56:22

my dh is very sexy, objectively handsome and a lovely man.

he happens to shave his head, as he would otherwise have very little hair.

so... that means he's bald.

tonight, dd2 (7)was brought home after tea by the dad of a friend of hers. dh had never met him before.

whilst playing at the friend's house, they had a little makeover session and sprayed dd's hair with coloured spray.

as they approached the house and walked towards us, dh exclaimed 'oh look- dd has orange hair!', to which the father responded:

'as opposed to her daddy, who has absolutely no hair'

neither dh nor i responded. i was too shocked and embarrassed to speak.

dh, on the other hand said nothing until half an hour later when he spoke in an incredibly reasonable way about the incident. he said that sometimes people feel socially awkward and say things about being bald without thinking. he said that the man was probably cringing all the way home, and that he did not respond as he didnt want to create an awkward situation that could not be easily put right.

he said that he would give this man the benefit of the doubt on this occasion, asbut if in future he continued to be a twat, that he'd put him in his place.

AIBU to feel cross that people find bald jokes A) funny and B) socially acceptable? but i am also v v proud of my dh's measured response.

DogsBeastFiend Fri 21-Oct-11 19:58:56

What an overreaction to a passing remark.

IWantWine Fri 21-Oct-11 20:01:58

I think it is rude to make personal comments about a persons appearance, unless they are complimentary, or an opion is sought.

RandomMess Fri 21-Oct-11 20:02:13

Try being a redhead...

Kayano Fri 21-Oct-11 20:03:26

I wouldn't be offended by that tbh.
I wouldn't really even class it as rude but I am... Pretty much not normal grin

My friend shaves his head with a BIC because he likes it, his dd has a load of thick hair. I have heard people commenting on her lovely thick hair and say similar... Obv doesn't get it from her daddy!

He doesn't get offended by it just smiles and says yeah! Don't I know it!

IWantWine Fri 21-Oct-11 20:03:42

or blonde! lol... but honestly, unless you are friendly with someone, I still think it is rude and rather bad mannered.

ScarahStratton Fri 21-Oct-11 20:03:46

Or a blonde from Essex [heard them all emoticon]

MangoMonster Fri 21-Oct-11 20:04:12

I'm afraid I have been guilty making bald comments in the past, totally not thinking that it might offend. I think some people including myself do not always realise it's an upsetting remark. I guess I don't know anyone who is bald and openly unhappy about it.

pinkyredrose Fri 21-Oct-11 20:04:47

But he does have no hair! I really don't see the problem unless you equate being bald with being a 'bad thing' that attention must not be drawn towards.

MangoMonster Fri 21-Oct-11 20:04:55

In fact I think bald and shaved is sexy, so maybe that's why I don't see it as offensive.

noonar Fri 21-Oct-11 20:04:58

but dogs, he had never met him before and it was the first thing he said!

what if i'd he's said 'look at your dd , isnt she tall for her age!' and i'd said 'as opposed to you, who are very short and overweight'

the fact that you think it is an acceptable comment just illustrates my point.

activate Fri 21-Oct-11 20:05:07

It was a joke

get over yourselves

londonone Fri 21-Oct-11 20:05:15

What a weird reaction from you and your dh! Nothing at all wrong with what the other guy said. He observed your husband is bald, which he is!

worraliberty Fri 21-Oct-11 20:05:31

Oh dear god it was a funny comeback...nothing more and nothing less.

I expect the man thought your Husband was quite happy with his looks and could therefore take a bit of good natured ribbing.

activate Fri 21-Oct-11 20:05:51


MissPenteuth Fri 21-Oct-11 20:06:24

Agree with Dogs, I don't think the friend meant anything by it. Is your DH very sensitive about his lack of hair?

MissPenteuth Fri 21-Oct-11 20:06:53

Ooh, lots of x-posts, sorry.

worraliberty Fri 21-Oct-11 20:07:07

You should see my ex DH

If he wears a Polo necked jumper he looks like a roll-on deodorant grin

londonone Fri 21-Oct-11 20:07:20

But saying someone is bald is not generally seen as insulting, is it? Whereas saying someone is overweight is. I he said your dd was tall not like you your short (if you are) that would also be fine IMO

noonar Fri 21-Oct-11 20:07:44

sorry, slow typing...

but i think of it it as a personal remark.

it may be true. but it is also true that he was short and a little overweight. it wouldve been rude of me to point it out, though!

my dh tolerates jokes from mates with good humour. he had never met this man.

AuraofDora Fri 21-Oct-11 20:08:07

think this is more an observational passing remark than something intended to insult
but you are right it's not funny, no one should ever laugh at baldness confused

ScaryFairy28 Fri 21-Oct-11 20:08:23

I'd say it's a bit rude when he didn't even know you, sort of thing you get away with with friends though.

Hungrydragon Fri 21-Oct-11 20:08:56

I think this is the wrong forum for a lot of empathy but many many men are very conscious of balding or being bald and it is more distressing for some than others.

Equally some people will think the op is pursuing a non event. But I think people should, perhaps think twice over any aspect of physical appearance that is not caused through choice.

befuzzled Fri 21-Oct-11 20:09:02

massive over reaction i think. My DP also has a shaved head or would be very balding as do many of his friends and these kind of comments are pretty normal/standrad and dont bother him or them in the slightest. Maybe slightly over-familliar for a first meeting.

worraliberty Fri 21-Oct-11 20:09:18

And anyhow, your DH has actively made himself bald

The other guy wasn't to know he shaves because otherwise he'd have little hair left.

He probably assumed your DH shaves it off because that's the look he likes....therefore mentioning the fact he's bald is no different to mentioning what colour top he's chosen to wear.

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