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To send all the twunts a text msge to tell them what i think????

(16 Posts)
vicki2010 Fri 21-Oct-11 10:48:13

To cut long story short,my ds bday yesterday and as he was ten,we have a big family and do not expect gifts/cards from everyone but am so upset because as the years go on he gets acknowledged less and less.

I have 3 nieces and ALWAYS make a good effort to make their bdays special, i buy lots of bits and pieces and wrap them all pretty etc,helium balloons etc etc.....never ever forget them (one of them not blood related) but treat her exactly the same but they still cant find it upon themselves to even wish my boy a happy birthday!
Even a text would be fine like i said do not in any way give to receive. Would like to add that mother of said children is my brothers x but i have a fairly good relationship with her, don't see her very often (always when i make the effort) which also i can deal with but cannot cope with the fact that they are just so shockingly shit when it comes to my kids and their bdays!

My eldest niece (just turned 16) and whom i sent a cheque for £25 in sept which i am still to be thanked for cant even be bothered to send a text or facebook and my middle niece who is adorable and very sensible 12 year old who is on facebook and has a mobile couldn't find it upon herself to text or email, ok i'll let the 7 year old off but in august i spent a fortune on her bday and travelled for 45 mins to make her feel special (balloons loads of pressies etc) with still no thanks. (that's not the issue am simply saying)
I just feel so hurt they cant wish ds a happy bday!!?? its not just him its my other ds too.
And as for the rest of my family they are all the same,in August it was my ds2 bday and he experienced the same treatment,not just from them but even my BIL who has no children and my son's are his only nephews who lives ten mins away!! (he is married and settled btw)

Sorry for ranting,i know what and who is important and have close friends and family(one out of two brothers bother) but my mum is one of 6 and all her siblings are shit too,they come in dribs and drabs (his fucking bday was YESTERDAY) not today,not tmrw,not in two fucking weeks for fuck sake!!!!!fucking yesterdayagrrrrrrrrrrrrr
my cousin(of whom i made her bday cake and organised all the dec's etc for her party at my expence) just text asking if she could drop card round,yeah all lovely and that but his bday was YESTERFuCKINDAY!!!!

I know there are more important things to worry about in life but the poor little buggers face lit up yesterday when the phone rang thinking one of the twunts was ringing to say happy birthday but it wasnt, it bloody embarrasing to have to explain to a ten year old why grown adults cant be arsed,he wonders why i make such an effort yet they dont with him and his brother?? what do i say? i feel soo sad for them and obviously i really do know its about me and my little family i should just forget about the lot of them but i just cant let it go its awful and eating me up and im not a bitter person but they are making me feel really shit every fecking year so WIBU to text all the said people:

Hi, just wanted to say thanks a fucking lot yet again to NOT wishing DS1 a happy birthday and for being such self centered fucking inconsiderate nob heads!! And I loved having to make up excuses as to why you dont see him as important enough to bother......kind regards vicki2010 TWUNTS

EricNorthmansMistress Fri 21-Oct-11 10:52:16

Text them before the day to remind them, say 'DS would be so pleased to get a call/text on his birthday, don't forget it's on saturday smile' and you should get a better response. YABU to be so unpleasant about those who are bringing cards/gifts round a day late. Their lives do not revolve around your DS's birthday and they are at least marking it. YANBU to be upset with close family members who don't acknowledge it, or who don't thank you for gifts.

EricNorthmansMistress Fri 21-Oct-11 10:54:07

Also stop going overboard on other people's birthdays. You don't need to make birthday cakes and buy decorations for a counsin's birthday, unless it's a massive surprise do and that's your job. Sounds like you go over the top on birthdays and expect others to do the same, most people see a card on or around the date to be quite good enough! Since you are so keen on birthdays, surely you can make the day special for your DCs?

loudee Fri 21-Oct-11 11:01:24

I don't think YABU but you would be to send the text!

I think birthdays are very important (whatever your age) and think it's lovely you make an effort for people you care about. But maybe you should do as ericnm suggests and not make so much effort for them in the future if your DS is making a distinction between his and their birthdays?

FanjoForTheMuahahammaries Fri 21-Oct-11 11:06:31

It's so rude isn't it.

Was my DD's birthday and BIL gave her nothing, think he forgot but he was here at the inlaws when they had a birthday tea for her, but nothing, he never gives her anything. Yet we buy him big birthday gifts (he is 30 and she is 5) he is her bloody uncle!

Grrr families!

stripeytiger Fri 21-Oct-11 11:07:34

YANBU op. I feel sorry for your ds, birthdays are so important when you are young and as for you making a real effort for your niece's, well that just makes you a caring person. If it's in your nature to make an effort for someone's birthday I don't see how that is going over the top.

As for a card on or around the date....if you can't get the date right or be arsed to get the card there on the actual date, don't bother at all thanks. A birthday is a special day, not the day before or the day after unless there's a really good excuse of course.

vicki2010 Sun 23-Oct-11 13:34:52

I often think of a little text just to remind them but thought that was a bit naff and then the bday wishes would actually be fake wouldn't they?

I think from now on i will make a little less effort with everyone else and expect absolutely nothing from anyone that way wont be too dissapointed eh!

piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht Sun 23-Oct-11 13:44:23

grrrr families.

I feel sorry for your kids, if they feel noone gives a crap.

Don't text them. Also do what others have said, stop doing so much for your nieces. It's not your job, and £25 is alot of money imo. A token gift from now on for the eldest, like smellies and a card. Up to you what you give the younger ones.

gordyslovesheep Sun 23-Oct-11 13:51:50

well STOP being a birthday martyr then - do you really need to go OTT on cousins birthdays - maybe your family are fed up of trying to compete

I understand it MIGHT be disppointing for HIM but I don't think you need to be so upset

HildaOgden Sun 23-Oct-11 16:32:13

Save the energy and cash you are spending on the extended families birthdays,and just use it for your own children.You'll enjoy it,your own children will enjoy it,and the others don't matter.

Oh,and a very Happy Birthday to your son smile

GHAHSTLYGHOULYpants Sun 23-Oct-11 16:39:17

Agree with the others, you need a new plan-

stop going overboard with extended family birthdays, a small gift and card is fine
send a text reminder to those your DS's care about to give them a heads up about his birthday

Sorry it has made you feel so bad, nut no do not send the text round, you will look demented!

SaffronCake Sun 23-Oct-11 16:43:32

Vicki to be honest love I don't think it is unreasonable to have a snap at them. It is probably not what nice girls do, but so what. You asked is it reasonable. Yeah it's reasonable. They'll likely disown you y'know. You can't make people love you (or your kids) by wishing they would or thinking they should. You can only walk away and drop the fuckers, and stop putting yourself through the mill. As of now I'd strongly suggest you quit making any effort for any of thier birthdays and send a cheap card with a second class stamp and be done with it. You don't need to earn peoples love, you're worth it anyway, if they can't see that they are idiots who don't know what they're missing.

As to what you tell your 10 year old, I'd tall mine the truth. I'd say I don't know why they didn't and it makes me sad. I'd say people are different and that i guess they might have other reasons like huge distractions going on or abject poverty but even then it doesn't totally make sense. I'd tell him that sometimes people just don't treat us the way we expect or the way we treat them, so the best thing to do when they don't is minimise the relationship and spend our efforts on people more worthy, so that's what Mummy's going to do.

Oh and... I love these. grin

WeShouldOpenABar Sun 23-Oct-11 16:46:29

i really think youre asking too much for a 12 and 16 year old to remember all their cousins birthdays , i only know mine now because facebook reminds me , some people just arent organised when it comes to birthdays, you are over orgainised and thats where the great divide arises
stop transfering your effort on to distant family members birthdays put it all on your sons and he wont even notice other people forgetting

plupervert Sun 23-Oct-11 16:56:58

I agree with other posters. I find it extraordinary how people expect extended family to remember and make a fuss of childfren's birthdays. Sorry, but I really don't think you can demand for them to care that much. You are evidently far too worked up about how adults and even children should care and should make a fuss about birthdays, when it's really not a widespread point of view.

To be honest, you sound very over the top with your own presents to all and sundy, and if your 10yo's face has been "lighting up" at the prospect of a nice phone call on his birthday, who taught him that? Certainly not your relatives; it sounds as though they have been fairly consistent, and you are not getting the message.

Incidentally, it sounds as though quite a lot of people are acknowledging the birthday, even if it's a bit late. If you ever send a text like that, especially to them, they will be very hurt and angry, and will eff you off in their turn. Your tone is really unpleasant.

P.S. No, I am not related to you, but if I did have a relative who demanded what you are doing, and got as angy about it, I would be bloody antagonised, and would be digging my heels in.

BlueFergie Sun 23-Oct-11 16:58:19

Yes I think it is expecting too much that the 16 and 12 year old remember their cousins birthday. My aunts and uncles always marked my and siblings birthdays and my parents rembered and marked the cousins. Us children were just the receipients of the presents, we were never expected to assume responsibility for getting each others presents. I would expect that their parents should acknowledge your DSs birthday though. I don't see why it should autlmatically be the mother though would have thought it was your brothers respnsibility? Maybe ex SIL assumes your brother does it, since DS is his nephew. Does he? If neither of them do then I would be pretty pissed off, since you make an effort with their kids.
As for the cards/ presents/ calls coming a day or so late that wouldn't bother me at all. In fact as a kid I always appreciated the straggler presents - spread the fun a bit.

GoEasyPudding Sun 23-Oct-11 17:24:17

I agree with other posters who say only put the super top effort into your own kids birthdays from now on.

Just do cards for the extended family now. If you must get a gift, scale it right down.

Dont send that text, you will regret it. Just shrug it all off and put it down to experience.

I think you like to celebrate things in style and all thats happened here is other people are just not as good at it as you are!

I think you are secretly good at events planning and really into fun birthday stuff, you could look into a new business in party planning/card designing that sort of thing!

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