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to feel snubbed by lack of invitation?

(714 Posts)
IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove Thu 20-Oct-11 16:25:08

It's a good friend's hen do in a couple of weeks' time. It'll cost me around £200 to attend (a LOT of money for me!).

Out of the twelve or so people invited to the hen, two of us aren't invited to the wedding reception. On the email list to organise the hen, they're all discussing what they're wearing for the wedding (I think only I and the other woman know that we're not invited).

Over the past year or so I've helped my friend and her fiancee out a few times when they've been stuck and seem to be a bit of a first-port-of-call for them. We've known each other for about five years.

For the reception, they've hired a hall and a DJ, so numbers aren't overly-restricted.

So am I being over-sensitive, or is this a snub? confused

IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove Thu 20-Oct-11 16:26:57

BTW, my friend requested that I and the other lady are invited to the hen, and has asked us for money to spend on her honeymoon, rather than presents. I presume this is what she's told everyone else too.

LemonPeel Thu 20-Oct-11 16:27:01

snub - dont go. Spoil yourself instead.

How can she expect you to pay up for the hen, when you won't be going to the wedding. Cheeky cah

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 20-Oct-11 16:29:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toughasoldboots Thu 20-Oct-11 16:30:49

No way would I go- cheeky 'friend' of yours you have there

grograg Thu 20-Oct-11 16:31:21

Why would she ask you for a present if you arnt invited? Are you sure your not invited?

IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove Thu 20-Oct-11 16:33:04

Thanks both. The other woman feels as though it's a snub and is probably more upset than I am. They've been friends for longer and are ex-colleagues.

The thing is I have to pay now whether I go or not as I initially said I'd attend when they booked it, so I may as well go along with it.

Perhaps I should hold back on the honeymoon spends gift though.

CustardCake Thu 20-Oct-11 16:33:05

snub or oversight. You can't invite people to the hen party who aren't invited to the wedding - well not unless your wedding is abroad or a tiny family affair.
Are you sure you are not invited as well and the invitation hasn't got to you?

nancy10 Thu 20-Oct-11 16:33:05

I wouldn't go either and I only buy gifts/give money if I'm invited to the wedding or the reception!

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe Thu 20-Oct-11 16:33:11

Of course you shouldn't go! Politely decline the invitation - no explanation necessary. Send a card for the wedding day. Retain your dignity.

God, some of the weddingzilla stories I read about on this site are shocking!

gethelp Thu 20-Oct-11 16:33:41

Sorry, a good friend? How is she a good friend? She is a BAD friend!

JamieComeHome Thu 20-Oct-11 16:33:45

I wouldn't go.

Can't tell if it's a snub or just really thoughtless.

I'd send a smallish present as a goodwill gesture, to show you are a better person.

IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove Thu 20-Oct-11 16:33:58

Yes, I'm sure we're not invited. She was telling us who was left to RSVP and we weren't on the list. Definitely not invited.

jasminerice Thu 20-Oct-11 16:34:21

She's not your 'friend' really is she? If she was, she would have invited you to the wedding reception.

oldraver Thu 20-Oct-11 16:34:26

Shes asked you for a present cash but isnt inviting you to her wedding ?? Cheeeky blimmin mare. Where do people get their cheek form these days confused

Monty27 Thu 20-Oct-11 16:34:30

Are you sure there isn't a misunderstanding about not being invited?

Anyhoo, I wouldn't be spending that amount of money on a hen night, particularly if I wasn't going to the wedding.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 20-Oct-11 16:34:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieComeHome Thu 20-Oct-11 16:34:48

or a card would so, but a nice one. Maybe with WHSmith voucher inside

slavetofilofax Thu 20-Oct-11 16:35:57

You think she's a good friend, she disagrees. Otherwise you would be invited to the wedding.

Don't go to the hen night, there is always a chance that you were only invited to make up numbers.

I have just been invited to the hen night of a friend I haven't seen for years, and I'm fairly certain that it's just because she wants more people to go.

There is no way I would be wasting £200 on a hen night if I wasn't even invited to the wedding.

storminabuttercup Thu 20-Oct-11 16:36:15

Hen do invite but no wedding invite isn't very nice at all, but to request a present too, that's just bloody cheeky!

Op are you sure you aren't invited??

TheQueenOfDeDead Thu 20-Oct-11 16:36:44

If you are sure that you are not invited (no lost invite etc) then I would suggest a short email saying

"Dear X, thank you for the kind invite to your hen do, as I am not invited to the wedding I would feel rather awkward attending an event celebrating the same and therefore I will decline. Wishing you and MrX to be best wishes for the future. Love IGTOTYL"

Copy it in to all the other attendees so that everyone else realsies what an odd woman she is.

IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove Thu 20-Oct-11 16:37:18

Yes, you're all right. I suppose I thought she was a friend, but isn't really. With hindsight, it is a bit of a one-sided relationship, but I suppose I don't mind helping someone out. I now do begrudge the constant conversation about the wedding plans which has been the only topic for the past few months.

Oh well, I'll enjoy the hen and then perhaps 'move away' from the friendship after that.

worraliberty Thu 20-Oct-11 16:37:27

She's asking you for money

She expects you to make up the numbers on her Hen Night

She hasn't bothered to invite you to her wedding?

There's one born every minute! No way would I bother with it.

CheeseandGherkins Thu 20-Oct-11 16:37:35

I wouldn't go and sod paying either. If she can't be bothered inviting you to her wedding and still expects a present then she's no friend. I wouldn't go and I'd make it quite clear why. If you do go, don't take a present.

caramelwaffle Thu 20-Oct-11 16:38:10

It's a snub. Spend the £200 on yourself.

Perhaps you and the other lady could take yourselves off for an away day, or a spa trip.

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