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10yr, 8yr and 1yr old sharing a room?

(25 Posts)
whirlwindlife Thu 20-Oct-11 10:08:09

I know this isn't a major thing but...At the mo we sleep in the long room (9ft x 13ft ish) this is divided up with a bit sectioned off at the end for the baby (16mths, boy). The girls sleep in the other bedroom (10ft x 10ft). But we're finding that although our bit of the room is sectioned off by a temp handmade stud wall with door, any sound we make wakes the baby. We're finding that it's making being intimate a strain and are constantly on edge. This is difficult when it's a constant thing.

Would it be unreasonable to swap to the girls room instead? The space left in our room is about 9ft x 9ft and they have bunks but I just feel a bit selfish making them share (ish) with their brother and downgrading their room....

AKMD Thu 20-Oct-11 10:11:13

YANBU, if I were in your situation and wasn't able to get somewhere with 3 bedrooms then I'd do that. I would have said YABU if it hadn't been sectioned off though.

RosemarysBassoon Thu 20-Oct-11 10:12:41

Have sex in the living room/on the stairs before you go to bed.

whirlwindlife Thu 20-Oct-11 10:15:16

Thanks AKMD that's reassurring. Lol, I wish we were that spontanious after 3 kids and work etc to deal with Rosemary! We have considered that option though and it all feels a bit false and set up

dickiedavisthunderthighs Thu 20-Oct-11 10:16:31

What will you do when the 10 year old becomes a 13 year old? I can't imagine she's going to want to share her room with a toddler, she's going to need some privacy, and quiet and space to do homework and whatnot.

whirlwindlife Thu 20-Oct-11 10:22:11

Well that's the thing, she's not happy about sharing with her sister even now, but she can do homework in their room and I will ensure no one disturbs her. I've thought about the privacy thing and it's an adult privacy versus 10yr old privacy debate.

HattiFattner Thu 20-Oct-11 10:23:53

three kids in a 2 bed house is not ideal. as said above, your 10 year old will soon be a teen and will not want to be "lights out at 7" as she gets older.

Any chance of converting the loft or moving to a 3 bed? Do you have a separate dining room that could be used as a bedroom? What about a garage that could be converted?

I think you need to look at long term options, even if that means a sofabed for your and DH in the living room, with all your clothing stored in the toddlers room. Its really not fair to expect the older girls to deal with sleepless nights and early bedtimes so that you and your H can get a little lurve action. Might also suggest that you develop a nap habit - go have a "lie down" on a sunday afternoon and leave the kids with the baby downstairs.

slavetofilofax Thu 20-Oct-11 10:30:32

Yabu, and you need to consider your oldest dd will be a teenager very soon.

You say it becomes and adult privacy v a 10 yo privacy, sorry, buit the 10/11/12yo wins hands down. You have already got used to the things in your body that changed during puberty, she hasn't!

What makes you think that your girls won't wake the baby anyway if he's that sensative to noise. Have sex somewhere else.

whirlwindlife Thu 20-Oct-11 10:33:13

We can't move as my partner is a year into establishing his business and I'm just starting one after having the baby so financially it's impossible (we're in council accomodation so the rent is cheap enough for us to afford at the moment).

We have thought about putting a bed in the living room but that takes away from the only family general living space so have decided that it's not an option. The baby sleeps through so sleepless nights wouldn't be an issue for the girls but you're right about the bedroom not being accessible for the 10 yr old after 7pm. She stays with us downstairs at the moment in the evening through her own choice but I guess as she gets older she'll want to be spending time in the bedroom in the evenings. Not experienced the teen girl yet so I should think about how things will change in a few years

RosemarysBassoon Thu 20-Oct-11 10:38:21

I really think if the only problem is not being able to have sex without disturbing the baby (your other children are just as likely to disturb the baby by sleeping in the room as you and your husband are), it would be pretty selfish to put three children in one room.

You don't need to have sex when the baby's in bed, but your children do need to be able to sleep undisturbed and have some space for themselves as they get older.

eurochick Thu 20-Oct-11 10:49:25

I think it would be selfish to have all the kids in one room primarily so that you can get your rocks off.

DorisIsTheDarkDestroyer Thu 20-Oct-11 11:04:22

WT actual F!

I can not believe how people believe that putting 3 children into 1 room is selfish!

Good God people live such bloody privilidged lives these days.

Your dd's are more than capable of sharing (it's not even that if you have a stud way up already). If you move them now ather than in a couple of years time they are likely to have adjusted to it by the time they are 13, 14, 15.
(FWIW growing up we had 3 of us in a room 2in a bunk and 1 in a cabin bed to accomodate clothes).

YES you definietly need to put YOUR relationship 1st, children are adaptable and will deal with changes, you can dress it up with the whole new room thing (get stuff from ebay if money is tight).

(PS is there any way you could add insulation or sound proffing to the stud wall)

DorisIsTheDarkDestroyer Thu 20-Oct-11 11:07:31

IF you don't move them now you will have a 5,6,7 year old ds accessing his room from your bedroom, who may well disturb you in the act as he stumbles to the loo in the middle of the night.

Do it now and it will be a normal sibling thing that your family accepts.

(As for the sofa bed suggests ha ha ha ha, why would your child privacy be more important than you own??)

dramatrauma Thu 20-Oct-11 11:18:54

First, I completely agree with Doris. I can't believe anyone is suggesting you're being selfish. Some posters need a tighter grip on reality. Not everyone can afford to move to a bigger place.

You can't afford to move, and you need to make the best of the house you have. You and your DH need privacy, and the kids need you to have privacy, as your marriage remaining sound is a far bigger deal for them than having their own rooms.

Would it work better to move the DC into the room you're in now? Perhaps you could reinforce/soundproof the stud wall - but it would allow the girls to have the lights on without disturbing your DS.

Can you set up homework space either downstairs or in your room?

whirlwindlife Thu 20-Oct-11 11:23:06

I kinda do think that because on one hand of course my daughters privacy is important BUT part of a healthy relationship is being able to go to bed and not be in fear of waking up the baby. No, I'm not some sort of sex addict lol and it sounds selfish but it's what the majority of people take for granted. When this becomes an issue EVERY TIME you go to bed it puts a strain on the relationship and all sorts of problems start. Setting up sex in the living room/at certain times etc just doesn't seem spontanious or inviting.

I appreciate my daughter needs her privacy but no matter what she'll always share with her sister.

I'm completely on the fence with this one, one part of me has had enough of tip toeing around for the past 16 months and always having it in the back of my mind that ...is it worth trying to be intimate because any minute the baby could wake and that's that. The other part of me feels that I want to give my kids as much as I can and that means as much privacy/space as I can.

whirlwindlife Thu 20-Oct-11 11:28:11

The idea we are toying with is to put sound proofing in the stud wall and put the girls into the remaining space which is about 9ft x 9ft. Homework could be done in our room, that's a good idea. At the moment neither girls spend much time in their room they're far more interested in playing downstairs. I don't think either has been in their bedroom at all after school for as long as I can remember, apart from to get changed, pull toys out and leave it in a state after 10mins grin. But people have suggested that they will spend time in there as they get older. If they're quiet then they could spend time in the 'new' (if it goes in that direction) room after 7.30 when the baby goes down.

4madboys Thu 20-Oct-11 11:31:41

i dont see the problem at all and if your dd wants privacy could she have the little bit that your ds currently does and the 8yr old share with him, you can always swop them around a bit when they are older.

we have 5 in a 3bed house.

DorisIsTheDarkDestroyer Thu 20-Oct-11 11:32:22

I would say DO IT grin

You have nothing to feel guilty over.

whirlwindlife Thu 20-Oct-11 11:38:43

I am swaying towards the change, we'd have the kids clothes in our room so space wouldn't be so much of an issue and we have thought about putting the 10 yr old in the baby's bit. Decision decisions! It would be so nice to have some privacy of our own!

BloodyGoreyHairyKnickers Thu 20-Oct-11 11:41:09

I have 2 Dc's, but the eldest is a boy of 13, the youngest a girl of 4. They share a room that is about the size of your Dc's room atm and my room is about your rooms size, maybe a foot longer. I'm looking at swapping bedrooms with them and putting up folding doors between the two Dc's so that they get their own space ~ but that is because of the 8+ year age gap and the fact that Ds is doing GCSE's now and they tend to make lots of noise at bed time, because they are so close together in the room and it drives me mad. If I had 2 girls and a boy, I'd be doing the same thing, but putting bunk beds in for the girls.

DoMeDon Thu 20-Oct-11 11:41:59

YANBU at all - my friend has 7 DC in a 4 bed- baby in nursery, 3 DD in one room, 3 DS in one room, her and DH in the other. My DF was one of 13 in a 3 bed house. It's a ridiculous idea that people need their own space/room - beyond precious.

WineAndPizza Thu 20-Oct-11 12:04:04

Your marriage should come first in decisions about the family. You are in an adult relationship and need privacy. As a child I never had my own room - there were a lot of us. At one point I think there was my parents plus 6 children in a 3 bed. We coped, and waited til we could afford to move. Not everyone has the solution of building extensions or moving house especially right now.

Do the best you can - I think it's not ideal but for the moment that's how it has to be.

Iggly Thu 20-Oct-11 12:10:34

Sound proof the wall and get your privacy back!

spiderpig8 Thu 20-Oct-11 12:39:12

I'd nail up some sound insulation board on the studd wall. 10ft x 10 ft is way too small for a double bedroom.

spiderpig8 Thu 20-Oct-11 12:39:41

because your girls will wake up the baby too!

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