DS and his bloody obsession with clothes "feeling weird"

[HullEnzia]

I'm so angry. For the past few years DS(10) has wasted god knows how much money telling me he liked certain clothes only to refuse to wear them after a week because they "feel weird". It's happened with shoes, trainers (some expensive converse trainers that he nattered for and then refused to wear because it felt weird near the toes), jeans, jumpers (Can't wear that, it hurts my neck) - but I only bought it last week and you said you loved it!!! another £30 wasted etc etc

The latest one - he needed a coat for winter. I took him into Next (was just easier, I had limited time) and HE chose a lovely black bomber coat. Tried it on. Said it was perfect. I asked him many times "are you sure?? you WILL wear it right? you're not going to say in a week that it feels weird or whatever are you because the coat is expensive - ?"

"No I really do like it, I'll wear it all the time".

He wore it for school once and then reverted back to his old summer jacket. He said the coat was too warm. The weather got colder and colder - today it is actually frosty and bloody freezing. He reached for his summer jacket. I told him to put his winter jacket on and then it came "I don't like that, it feels funny around the neck". I'm fuming.

AIBU to just stop his pocket money until he's paid for the coat? I did warn him this would happen if he wasted yet another item of clothing.

[HullEnzia]

Oh and in the same week a whole pack of brand new socks have been shoved aside as they "don't feel right near the little toe". I'm just fed up of it.

[LaurieFairyCake]

I'm not sure

Could he geniunely have that 'sensitivity' thing on here people talk about?

or does it just feel like you're being taken for a ride and he's acting out?

If it was me I would not buy any more until all that stuff was worn out - and if he starting actually getting upset about wearing it then I'd explore that 'sensitive to fabrics' stuff people talk about it (can't remember the name of it - related to aspergers?)

[HullEnzia]

but he always looks so scruffy. His hair is long and scraggly because he refuses to get it cut (I'm just going to go against his wishes on this one because it's disgusting, never gets washed or combed properly). And he's always dressed in old manky clothes with holes/stains etc. People must really wonder about me but it's him. I do buy him nice stuff but I'm getting to the point where I just don't want to anymore.

[nogoodusernamesleft]

A friend's DS has always been like this with clothing too, he's 11 now and still has difficulty with clothes. She spends ages trying to find seamless stuff for him!

Had a quick google, and there are a variety of online stores selling seamless socks, tshirts etc for kids who have this difficulty, one here:

shop.sensory-smart.com/

Might help you when buying socks etc, but I appreciate at his age they tend to like their branded stuff!

It must be really frustrating, you have my sympathy!

[TotemPole]

I was wondering that too.

Some with ASD/aspergers don't like the feel of certain fabrics on their skin or food textures.

[HairyBeaver]

I think his taking you for a mug!! I'd make him wear the new clothes or just pants, choice is his

[MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll]

You have to make him wear it. My 7 year old DD did this for a long time but I recently put my foot down and I dont give her the choice anymore....not in terms of things like new coats!
If she wont wear a certain t shirt then fine...I'm not going to fuss, but a new coat? no way. Get it on.

[Dawndonna]

I have three with Asperger Syndrome. Some clothes really do bother them. We have to be careful. If I find something they like, I'll get two or three of them.

[mummytime]

Don't buy him expensive stuff. No one should judge you because of boys clothes, boys especially near their teens can decide they don't like anything bu their familiar clothes.
If it is really holey then get ride of it. Otherwise just make sure clothes are washed and ironed.
Don't buy him new stuff unless its necessary and then give him a very limited budget for a month or a season, and everything has to come out of that.

My son exists in just T shirts, and joggers apart from school uniform. He refuses to wear coats, so hasn't had one for about 3 years now. We just about get him to wear some thermals when there is snow on the ground. But there is some signs that he will come out of this (I'm hoping for sixth form).

My son also gets told in my best sergeant major voice that he is going to have a shower (and I've made sure we have a shampoo which will touch the grease).

My kids do also have sensitive skin, so somethings do irritate, we avoid metalic thread, look carefully at seams on socks (DS really only wears sport style ones), and things near the neck can irritate.

[LizzieMo]

My child has the same problem , she is an extremely anxious child and this has manifested into a sensory issue with clothes. M & S sell seamless pants which have been a Godsend. I would just check that there is nothing worrying him or there have been no major changes in his life which have triggered this behaviour. I used to get so frustrated with my child but I now realise she just can't help it. I would not dismiss it instantly as bad behaviour without trying to talk to him about where it is coming from .

[aldiwhore]

Hull I feel you pain, my 8 year old is like this, as is my 4 year old, as is my DH!!

They all wear their socks inside out because otherwise their toes feel weird.

A hoody HAS to have a zip (that's covered at the top) otherwise their necks feel weird.

T-shirts can't touch the armpits, jeans have to be too long, jumpers must'nt be itchy ("but mum if you hadn't washed it it would have been FINE" - grrrr)

They only wear one style of underpant, trunks, but ONLY M+S trunks, 8 year old only wear Autograph trunks fgs!

That said, they all have sensitive skin. I now have in mind 2 or 3 shops where I know I can buy something they'll wear (M+S, Sainsbury's, Topman (or whatever its called). I don't let them try anything on that flags up a warning to me (the neck looks high, the zip isn't covered, etc etc) and I don't take them with me. Too much hassle. (DH buys his own stuff)

YANBU Hull but you won't change it, so embrace it. Also, I've found that many clothes can be altered, so there may be a way to make the coat more wearable for your DS.

[Dawndonna]

Aldi
Fat face do really soft cargo pants and jeans, they are expensive but they're well made, wash fine and last forever!

[LizzieMo]

Aldi- We are on the socks inside out route too!!! I hand wash alot of her clothes in Stergene- it does make clothes a lot softer but is more labour -intensive!!

[aldiwhore]

Dawndonna Thanks, I shall definitely be visiting their Sale (it is a little out of my price range for the children, but not for me - mwahahaa)

[HairyBeaver]

Gosh didn't realise this was so common, I take back my previous comment!!

I must admit I can't stand it when socks go tight around my toes when putting boots etc on

[crazygracieuk]

My 10 yr old is like this!!!

I hide/chuck clothes that are unsuitable so that he is forced to wear appropriate clothing. I too have just bought him a coat and had to check a gazillion times that he would wear it.

[Chandon]

I have a nine year old who has always been really sensitive about clothes.

There is only one brand of pants he'll wear. He can't abide anything too tight or scratchy (wool, acrylic). I always carefully remove any labels from the neck.

Saying that, if his coat feels scratchy around the neck, if it was my DS, I'd make him wear it, but put a soft fleece scarf around his neck first. solution?

[tryingtoleave]

If it is a sensory issue then you should talk about it and work out what bothers him. Then before he buys clothes he needs to look for those markers. If, after this, he still chooses clothes that he won't wear you might think about consequences. But I think he should have a chance to work out what the problem is first.

[Pagwatch]

I agree with tryingtoleave

Try and get him to analyse what bothers him. Look for certain fabrics, things cut high around the neck etc that may be bothering him.


He is unlikely to be making it up and is probably frustrated that he gets clothes he wants to wear but can't. My son has this.

[DeWe]

DD1 (age 10) is like that. Labels, etc. She felt a small sticker in a shoe through a thick sock, so I don't think she's just being fussy.
SHe won't wear socks with patterns on because they feel funny.

[ZombiesAteYourCervix]

D2 does this. I spent yeas arguing and sobbing ovr unworn nice stuff while she looked like an urchin.

She is getting better. I hand over the cash and she goes shopping on he own. Then it'snot my fault as well as being uncomfortabe.

[OlderNotWiser]

Im like this myself, drives me mad. Definitely worse when Im anxious etc. My DS is the same, and with gentle treatment I can soemtimes get him to adjust/fiddle with soemthing to make it accpetable rather than have to remove it. Being heavy handed really backfires tho.

When I was a teenager I didnt know about this sensitivty thing and everyone just thought I was neurotic and spolit. I was very relieved when I finally came across it as a 'known' condition.

[pinguwings]

If you know any OTs they'll be able to help.

You could try body brushing - Use soft bristled brushes and brush them gently over all skin. You could do it for him or he could learn. A couple of minutes at a time, start with 5 times a day, reduce as necessary. It gives the skin new stimulus and helps to desensitise it to unpleasant sensory inputs.

[LizzieMo]

Exactly what Pinguwings says. Body brushing does help- we only did it once a day before bed time, she enjoyed it and it relaxed her. I used a make up brush and a bath sponge, so it does not have to cost a lot. Not sure if your 10 year old would want it though, is he at the age where he would be embarrassed by it?