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To just want my DD to stay and not her friend?

(18 Posts)
follyfoot Tue 18-Oct-11 22:53:44

DD has gone to Uni and is having a great time. Am missing her being around but its in a sorted way IYKWIM, am really happy that she is enjoying it. She wants to come home one weeknight next week to see us and our new kittens (aaw). Its a longish journey, and we'll just have one evening together then she's going back until Christmas.

Only thing is, she wants to bring a friend from Uni to stay. I know its dead selfish but as its the only time we'll see her, and its for just one evening, I'd really like it to just be her so we can have a lovely catch up. The other side issue is that her bedroom was a proper (and oh I do mean proper) tip before she left. I havent sorted it yet and tbh I had decided to get her to do it when she came home at Christmas. Have slung some rubbish into bags but nothing else, and its so awful I wouldnt want anyone to see it to be honest. She's not bothered - all her local friends just got used to it being the way it is, but I think anyone else would probably be quite shocked by it!

Should I just be pleased she's bringing her friend? Should I ask her to come on her own? Should I do her bedroom if she does bring a friend? Can I be arsed to spend a day doing it for her?

DCSsunhill Tue 18-Oct-11 23:00:08

I would welcome the friend. I remember the friend making stage at Uni and it's hard....

minimisschief Tue 18-Oct-11 23:11:05

The friend making stage at uni was easy what are you talking about. You essentially became friends with anyone you lived with and you made friends off their friends all the time.

FabbyChic Tue 18-Oct-11 23:14:02

Seriously? Let her bring the friend she wants to introduce her to her family. She is an adult now who lives away from home, she is not your baby anymore.

Leave her room she probably lives like that at Uni.

NadiaWadia Tue 18-Oct-11 23:16:38

follyfoot - I know just how you feel. My DD has started uni this year as well and though we talk every day I miss her so much. She is also coming home for the first time this weekend. An old friend of hers who lives a few streets away and is at the same uni is travelling back with her on the train, and this girls parents are away over the weekend, so she will be on her own for 2 days - then she is staying the whole of next week as next week she has a Reading Week (no lectures). This girl has already come home for 2 previous weekends (even though they only started mid-September!)

DD does not have a Reading Week (different course) and so I am only getting her for this precious weekend. So I told DD I didn't want her friend staying over. Feel a bit mean, but friend has had plenty of time back home, I'm sure she'll be fine, and I like you I just want to catch up with DD.

DD is fine with this and says she feels the same. She sees her friend plenty at uni.

Could you explain your feelings to your DD, and maybe ask this friend over at Xmas. They get weeks off then, don't they?

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern Tue 18-Oct-11 23:20:17

I understand how you feel - but if it's what she wants then I'd go with it. She's more likely to come home more often if she doesn't feel suffocated.

As for her room, leave it how it is, remind her how it is - then it's her choice if she brings her friend home to it or not <shrug>

pictish Tue 18-Oct-11 23:21:36

I agree with chipping

I totally understand you, but I do think she'd find your 'no friend' request a bit needy.

Selks Tue 18-Oct-11 23:26:59

Let her bring her friend. You'll be seeing your daughter over Christmas for a few weeks anyway I assume. And her room - well, if she's messy at home she's probably messy at Uni so her friend will be used to it!

FabbyChic Tue 18-Oct-11 23:28:49

My son went to Uni this year, and was the last son left at home, leaving me on my own for the first time in 27 years.

If he rang me and said Mum Im coming home for the night can I bring a friend Id say yeah sure course you can be lovely to see you.

Why? Because it would be lovely to see him and Id like the fact he felt comfortable enough to bring someone home to meet me.

His room? I cleaned that the day after he had gone its spotless.

TheBestWitch Tue 18-Oct-11 23:48:46

I would let her bring the friend. You will still be able to catch up and it will be nice to meet someone she is spending a lot of time with now. Also it might be a bit awkward for your dd to tell her friend she's not allowed to have friends over cos she's got to tidy her room grin

Nanny0gg Wed 19-Oct-11 00:50:33

If she doesn't bring her uni friend she'll probably go out with her 'home friends' anyway.

Let her come.

And if you think she's going to clear up her room at Christmas...

Booooooyhoo Wed 19-Oct-11 01:06:13

is this a friend or a 'friend'? there is a difference.

as for her room? it's her room. fairies dont exist, much less 'cleaning while you're having a ball at uni fairies'. grin

shitmagnet Wed 19-Oct-11 01:09:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBestWitch Wed 19-Oct-11 01:10:18

Haha. The 'friend' comment reminds me of when I met dh and he asked his mum and dad if his 'friend' (me) could stay over with him while they were on holiday. They misheard my name (it sounds similar to a boys name) and they were very surprised to find when they got back that only one bed had been slept in!

ClaudiaSchiffer Wed 19-Oct-11 01:30:03

Dunno what I'd do about the friend. Guess I'd talk to dd about it.

BUT how can you leave her room in a tip? I just don't get it. She's away for weeks, I couldn't live with a filthy room in my house. Grim. I'm with fabby. When she's home at Xmas she could keep it tidy, surely.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll Wed 19-Oct-11 01:33:46

My Mum would have fixed my room and told my friend all about it!

I think you are BU here.

It's good that your DD wants to bring a friend for the weekend. You'll find out so much more about what she has been doing for the last few weeks than if she came home alone.

Don't assume the friend will be shocked by the state of your DD's room; your daughter's room at university will be in a similar state, surely.

Chill! Enjoy the weekend. grin

follyfoot Wed 19-Oct-11 06:59:25

Thanks all. Have taken comments on board and wont say anything about bringing a friend (no news on the boyfriend front so it is just a friend grin ).

As for the bedroom, it can stay as it is, you're right her room at Uni is no doubt the same. Its quite easy to have left it in a tip Claudia - I just shut the door. Plus its her space not ours so other than take out whats clearly rubbish, I dont want to be going through her personal things.

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