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AIBU?

to spend more the double the $ on dds xmas gifts then ds?

21 replies

my2centsis · 18/10/2011 02:51

back ground...

Dd 3.7 was lucky enough to have everything brand new from birth eg cot, bassinet, car seat toys etc etc

Ds is due on December 14th i had kept all off dds baby things as i new i was going to have another baby 1 day... So even tho all of the baby things are in very good condition, they are still hand me downs. (apart from the clothes)

I went through dd's wardrobe yesterday and have moved everything to what will be the baby's room (when old enough) i have everything from jolly jumpers to baby play gyms to baby toys to blankets etc

I have just finishes dd's x'mas shopping & have realized i have brought her more then usual because usually i leave the shopping till the last min but this year have been buying things all through the year and putting them away.

So to get back to my question ds will only be 2weeks ish if that (realistically i may go overdue) at x'mas and i already have so much for him i was thinking of just buying him a couple of books/ soft toys of his own as he will not know whats going on anyway, but then i feel very guilty about it all as dd has so much more and had everything brand new where as ds hasn't and wont be getting many presents?

AIBU? or hormonal & crazy and over thinking it waaay to much?

OP posts:

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Iteotwawki · 18/10/2011 02:57

Congratulations on forthcoming DS!

You are being daft in the extreme but allowably so :) my second son is in the same positi

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 18/10/2011 03:01

He won't mind nor care. Seriously. [hsmile]

Iteotwawki · 18/10/2011 03:01

..position as your son, a December baby with nothing of his "new" (all handed down from brother who is 18 months older).

Your DD will have a fab squealy time with presents and wrapping and Christmas music - your son will sleep a lot if you're lucky! He honestly won't know or care as long as he is warm, fed, clean and cuddled.

The time to get more equal with gifts is next year, when he'll have more of a clue about what's going on (and definitely the year after when they start suspiciously checking to see what the other got!)

FannyNil · 18/10/2011 03:15

You could put the same amount of money as you have spent on DD in an account for DS's future. Perhaps that would stop you feeling guilty. He won't miss the presents but he will be glad of the ££ when he really needs it later on.

ZonkedOut · 18/10/2011 06:36

You even need to ask? Of course YANBU. If they were older, it might be a different.proposition, but even then they probably wouldn't care as long as they got some things they wanted.

When I was in my teens, my Mum once said that she usually tried to be fair and spend the same on us all, but they things she got me were cheaper than the others, and gave me a little cash to make up the difference.

So, if it really still bugs you, start a savings account for DS with the difference or something. But when one is a baby, it's impossible to be absolutely fair with anything, so you might as well not worry.

Ragwort · 18/10/2011 07:10

Yes - you are overthinking this way too much. .

I doubt I would have even bought anything for a 2 week old's first Christmas - I thought this thread would be about older children/teenagers who would be 'aware' of the difference between the cost of gifts - even then I don't think parents have to spend exactly the same on each.

my2centsis · 18/10/2011 20:34

Thanks for the replies ladies :) I knew I was over thinking it but still felt so guilty like I was favouring dd more then DS so thank you for making me get a grip :D

Putting $ into an account for DS is an excellent idea, don't know why I didn't think of that!

OP posts:

lesley33 · 18/10/2011 20:40

tbh I wouldn't put money into an account. I could see DD feeling unfairly done by as she didn't ask you to pass things down - which makes perfect sense to do so. The thing is kids get upset if things seem unequal because they worry one is more loved than the other. I think it is safer to keep the money out of the equation. I think when they are young babies they don't know the difference. Concentrate on things being equal next year and definetly after that.

Trills · 18/10/2011 21:06

DS is due in December?

He won't really notice Christmas this year or next, and you could get away with wrapping up old toys for at least one more Christmas after that.

Avocets · 18/10/2011 21:07

We spent one Christmas in a holiday cottage years ago when the girls were 5 and 7. I had pre-wrapped their presents using different paper for each and stashed them away in carrier bags under the spare bed. In my hurry to hustle the presents secretly into the boot of the car, I managed to leave one vital bag behind, and only realised as the girls began unwrapping on Christmas morning and the relative gift distribution was manifestly unfair - lots of things that they would routinely have expected to have one each of eg selection boxes, little treats etc went to one child only.. It was very revealing to watch my eldest try to control her disappointment, but I felt terrible! - it was especially difficult as they both ostensibly believed firmly in father christmas - I think I ended up blaming him, and then drip feeding the missing gifts over the weeks following Christmas. Yikes.

QuintessentialShadyHallows · 18/10/2011 21:09

Chill (and congratulations) Your baby will be 2 weeks old, he wont notice!! Honest! He will not bear grudges! Save your money, and dont bother about anything else than a toke present from your dd! Or even better, have your dd gift him her toys for Christmas present!

slavetofilofax · 18/10/2011 21:10

I think you should still wrap something up from FC for your ds, but more for your dd's benefit. Does she remember her baby gym and things like that? You could just wrap those things up so that dd sees that FC has brought as much for her as her brother, as it might seem strange to her if he doesn't.

But yanbu at all for not spending the money.

PigletJohn · 18/10/2011 21:19

I like slave's idea

might it help to get her to look at some of her old stuff (that you would probably want to chuck out or give away) and encourage her to gift wrap some bits for the sprog?

he won't know anything about it yet, but it might help her, and get her used to the idea of passing things on that she's grown out of.

hepcat · 18/10/2011 21:21

My DS is also due in late December and it has never crossed my mind to get him anything for Christmas- if he is even here by then. I reckon I'm giving him the gift of life- that should be enough for this year! Good luck, hope it all goes well.

workshy · 18/10/2011 21:26

my dd's birthday is dec 13th

her first christmas I wrapped a couple of bits that people had bought as baby gifts as my 3 year old was wondering what her baby sister was getting off father christmas???

when there were only a few things I told her that FC didn't have as much time to make the presents for the baby as children's names don't go on his lists until they are born so he didn't have her name down!

she seemed happy with that lol

MurderBloodstabsandgore · 18/10/2011 21:33

DD will be 13MO and she'll not be getting much. I think a bank deposit will be the best idea, as all our baby toys are in good condition and she just won't know about it.

breatheslowly · 18/10/2011 22:09

I agree with hepcat. At least the first year you can get away with "the gift of life". I tried that with DH for DD's first birthday and he told me I couldn't give it to her again, she had it last year [hwink].

marriedinwhite · 18/10/2011 22:17

As I've said before DS was born on Christmas day and a bit early. The shops were shut so he didn't get anything for his first Christmas - he can't remember it; he can't remember that I was hopeless at breast feeding either even though I cried so many tears over it. He does though remember being loved and cared for and nurtured and the fact that his dad has encouraged all his sporting activities over the years. And he remembers the day his little sister was born and the fact that she gave him some paints and a new book and they were in the bassinet at the hospital when he visited for the first time.

HeidiKat · 18/10/2011 22:24

My DD was born two weeks before Christmas last year and I didn't spend a lot but got her a few things to put under the tree, a little outfit, a couple of baby's first Christmas keepsakes like a rattle and a bib etc.

KurriKurri · 18/10/2011 22:41

If he goes a couple of weeks over due, then you won't have a dilemma - he'll miss Christmas

Seriously he won't know, - save some of the new baby things he's gets given for Christmas, or let your DD choose something to give him from her.

GsyGacheFiend · 18/10/2011 23:00

I've been thinking about this recently as DS will be 3.9 at Christmas and DD 9months. DS has already got lots put away and DD doesn't need anything apart from clothes really as we have all DS baby toys. I have bought her a little pink ride on though.

I'm going to wrap up some of DS's presents for DD. Especially things like books/craft stuff/dvds. They aren't her presents as such but she's too young to really understand what's going on and will enjoy ripping all the paper off and they will both have similar amounts of presents.

I'm hoping it might be a good way to encourage DS to get used to the idea of sharing toys at home as he'll want to play with some of the things that DD has received from Father Christmas but he'll have to look after them carefully as they're not his.

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