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To think my sister should just go back to work

(144 Posts)
allmyfriendsaremarried Mon 17-Oct-11 20:01:26

I know everyone is having a tough time at the moment but I am beginning to wonder if my sister is being unrealistic about being a SAHM. She has a 4 year old (now at school) and a one year old. Her husband works for the council in what was a well paid job but due to cut backs they are beginning to struggle financially. Personally I would think that returning to some sort of part time work would be beneficial for all now. She is very funny about this sort of thing and thinks that pre school child care is the work of the devil and that mums who return to work are bad mothers. Most of my friends with babies have returned to work once their children are one years old mainly for financial reasons and I can see they are not bad parents. So AIBU or is she BU. It does grate on me that I work to support my lifestyle so why shouldn't she, after all they chose to have children? Sorry if this seems harsh but I am getting a bit fed up of hearing how hard up they are.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 20-Oct-13 11:00:02

Oh FFS - zombie thread angry Well at least the OP will have had time to see the error of her ways by now

LEMisdisappointed Sun 20-Oct-13 10:59:16

YABsoU I don't even have the words to express it.

Pagwatch Sun 20-Oct-13 10:55:56

So resurrecting a zombie thread and posting shite

Two badges for Alexishurricane.

Helltotheno Sun 20-Oct-13 10:52:22

Maybe its something about older women, they seem to be all for staying at home scraping through life on bread and water but feeling fulfilled as a mother. I've just turned 21

Not to continue a zombie thread but... crass and ageist generalisation much dahling?

Pagwatch Sun 20-Oct-13 10:32:33

Why the holy fuck do people resurrect 2 year old threads ?


LadyBeagleEyes Sun 20-Oct-13 10:23:30

Alexishurricane, why on earth did you reinstate this thread? confused

Yetanotherrandomman Sun 20-Oct-13 06:41:13

I disagree with others here and think this is a clear YANBU. I think that if you grumble about a problem to someone, it is totally reasonable to expect sympathy and a solution. In this case, the solution is for her to get a job.

It is your DS's choice to be a SAHM - but if she takes that choice it is her responsiblity to accept the ramifications of that choice, ie, having less money.

Pitmountainpony Sun 20-Oct-13 05:19:44

She clearly wants to stay home and care for her kids more than the extra money to relieve financial pressures. Does not mean she can,t grumble when it helps her about money being tight...that's what you do with friends and family sometimes to relieve the worry a bit. If you are not ok with that tell her you don't ever want to hear about it. Be prepared for her to be less tolerant of your grumbling when you want to though.

Viviennemary Sun 20-Oct-13 01:14:50

It's really not up to you to decide whether or not she goes back to work. Of course if she asks you for your opinion then give it. If she doesn't then it would be best to keep quiet about it.

fridayfridayfriday Sun 20-Oct-13 00:58:17

OP, It's "Hear hear" and not "Here here". Correcting other people when you can't get your own shit right.

frogspoon Sun 20-Oct-13 00:26:03

YANBU to be annoyed and frustrated by your sisters moaning down the phone about struggling financially.

However YABU to decide whether or not she works, that's her choice.

Next time she starts moaning down the phone, just change the subject.

noddingoff Sat 19-Oct-13 23:46:44

A brisk, "If ya can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em" should do the trick. Harsh but true.

bellablot Sat 19-Oct-13 13:56:18

YANVU and very judgemental, keep your nose out!

hobnobsaremyfave Sat 19-Oct-13 13:54:54

why the fuck did soneone feel the need to bump this two year old thread? the mind boggles

xCupidStuntx Sat 19-Oct-13 13:46:39



3littlefrogs Sat 19-Oct-13 10:24:48

I went back to work when DC3 was 1 year old. It was 2 years before I began to keep a little bit of my salary, and a further 2 years until I was able to keep about 50%. That was during term time. In the holidays I went back to only being able to keep a little bit.

Child care and travel is extortionate.

Fleta Sat 19-Oct-13 10:20:24


I'm a SAHM - my daughter is at school. AFAIC it is far more important for me to be a SAHM now than ever before.

At the end of the day it is her choice.

candycoatedwaterdrops Sat 19-Oct-13 10:16:31

Zombie thread guys. wink

PedlarsSpanner Sat 19-Oct-13 10:10:15

Zombie alert

Chrissakes alexisishurricane

greenfolder Sat 19-Oct-13 09:46:35

your issue really isnt that your sister is not working at the moment.your issue is that she continually talks about her lack of money. strongly suggest that you develop ways of changing topic- or be honest with her- she has chosen her life- 2 be STAM for her 2 children that she chose to have with the husband that she chose- and good for her, but you find it wearing to hear about money problems everytime she calls.

me and dsis are chalk and cheese- i have always worked with children- she doesnt. horses for courses- i bite my lip when she moans about not having enough time etc.

Beastofburden Sat 19-Oct-13 09:37:06

A far more sensible option would be for the sister to plan for going back to work in due course (not yet, clearly). What training and qualifications will she need not to be stuck at that stage? What can she do now?

LouiseAderyn Sat 19-Oct-13 09:23:27

As a former childminder, can I just point out that it is not that easy to just take this up as a way to make a living.

I had to spend a couple of months attending a course in order to register, my home had to be fit for mindees, which is different to just having a home fit for your own dc ( for ex my dc could nap in their own bedrooms but had no spare room for mindees so had to prepare for that). Does the sister have enough spacefor additional kids to play, for ex? The money v level of responsibility means that it is not an easy option.

Also I think that a cm who disapproves of working mums might not be the best choice.

As for Avon etc - a lot of those things don't generate a proper income and rely on friends subsidising your 'business'.

MistressDeeCee Sat 19-Oct-13 02:42:02

YABU. Its none of your business, & it sounds as if you are being very judgmental about your sister. You've no right.

If she moans about her situation (yes sisters do that sometimes, about different things. Thats family for you then tell her to shut up, you're not going to listen anymore unless she makes changes, and thats that. But aside from that - its her & her DH business - not yours.

alexishurricane Sat 19-Oct-13 01:55:30

allmyfriendsaremarried - I know this post is dead but I felt the need to comment and ask what you did/what she did in the end?

Everyone bashing you about being a crap sister, bore off. She absolutely made it your business by being a moaning myrtle and it definitely is as simple as get a job! I have a child and completely agree, if you cant survive on one wage, introduce another.

Tbh I think these people responding were inadvertently defending their own situations and offering no helpful or constructive feedback as a result.

Maybe its something about older women, they seem to be all for staying at home scraping through life on bread and water but feeling fulfilled as a mother. I've just turned 21, my OH is 23, our baby boy is 13 weeks old and I will be going back to work after christmas. My parents worked full time from when my little brother and I were 6 weeks old. They worked hard, they gave us a wonderful and enriched upbringing regardless of the fact they both worked full time professional jobs (mums a sales exec at an oil company and dads a highly sought after social worker)

I will be working hard in order to provide my son with the things he needs - school trips etc are not cheap!

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