to be honest when I'm having a rubbish day?(13 Posts)
I have had a rubbish morning, just feel I've committed a massive faux pas by actually saying today that I wasn't having the best day ever with my two
littles so-and-so's DCs.
One of the worst things about swapping work for parenting is when I was having a shite day at work the team could all have a nice moan and then get back on track.
Now I feel like, with the exception of a very few, its best to just smile and say 'yeah, brilliant thanks!' whilst feeling like that bloke from Falling Down on the inside.
So do you tell the truth in general mum circles or do you can it and save it for your real friends? I feel like its weird to basically lie about what I'm thinking but being a mum seems to have a very different code to the world of work.
Sometimes it's good to whinge to give other mums "permission" to whinge too!
I've started to say "oh you know, plodding on" and smile when people say "how are you?" because they don't actually want to know as such, it's a mindless rhetorical question asked from habit rather than a genuine inquiry, and I just can't bring myself to say "fine" anymore. To be truthful would involve something like "well actually I feel like shit and am contemplating throwing myself under a bus to make everything go away" on a bad day and "so so" on a good day and that is just not what people want/need to hear.
Bah Humbug etc <miserable cow emoticon>
Any parent / carer who thinks every day is brilliant is delusional or on something rather more interesting than the caffeine that keeps me going. I don't tell acquaintances the details (unless the story is a good one) but I will say if it has been a challenging day.
Overall, I was not especially happy while on mat leave and was desperate to return to work, and couldn't hide it. One of my greatest frustrations is that I seemed to be the only one who found being around small children as dull as dishwater; I would have loved for someone else to mention that they felt the same.
I know how you feel.
Yesterday was one of those days for me, and I'm very lucky to have a supportive family. My poor Nan rang to ask a random question, I ended up bursting into tears because I didn't feel well and was generally feeling a bit pathetic! Lovely thing, came straight over in a taxi, sent me to bed, entertained DD and cleaned my bathroom! Fab woman
But seriously, I just felt thoroughly pathetic as I don't have to go out to work, don't really have to get dressed if I really don't want to, I should be able to cope with being a little under the weather.
PomBear - maybe I need to follow your example. Sorry to hear its not just me having a shite time. I definetely need a miserable cow emoticon today.
everyone feels a bit shit sometimes but thinking it was better whilst you were at work in a misnoma
If you were working, you'd be thinking all your colleagues where bitches right now
Because no one will be able to say anything to you to make it better .
I suppose that is just one of the quirks of life
My kids are older now but my bad days come from ill health. If people ask how I am I judge if they want to know or it's just being polite.
I range in answer from smiling, not answering and just asking them a different question, often they don't notice I've not answered.
If I dont want to answer but know they have truly asked I reply "I'm breathing still" and they usually smile and the conversation moves on
Occasionally I'll give the true answer if I need to talk or want them to know the truth
Feel for you duvetdayplease, I'm cuddled up under the duvet after 2nd op in a month, the thought of coping with 2 preschool kids is exhausting (but a blessing too)
I would tend to say something like, not that great actually, but you know plodding on. Then if they want to know more they will ask. But if it is just one of those meaningless how are you, then they can ignore.
Sometimes when you are struggling, the last thing you want to hear about is someone elses struggles. I don't mean this nastily. But I have in the past been in the situation of just about managing to keep things together and not cry in public. And at times I haven't felt I have any more emotional energy to deal with 1 other thing including sympathising with someone else.
Generally moaning is fine. But ime this is if you feel generally okayish and just having a crap day or morning.
The thing is, I had a much worst time the first year with genuine problems (poorly baby/skintness/DH's special ways) but didn't talk that much about it as it was a bit traumatic to even discuss. This was just a 'the kids are driving me crazy' thing. But people looked at me as if I was missing the capacity to love or something. One person even said 'that's an awful thing to say'. Maybe its just my comic timing is broken due to
fantasising about committing random acts of vandalism being a bit grumpy.
There are people I can be honest with and people I can't. Generally I'm honest with my close friends but even a couple of them don't want to hear the truth. When I've told certain people I'm having a bad time I think they've felt like I was confessing to wanting to hurt my DS or trying to tell them I was depressed, when in fact I was just having a whinge. They just don't want to hear it.
I have to admit though I've been guilty of cutting a couple of mums off when they've started talking about how they don't enjoy being with their kids. Mainly it was because I wasn't feeling up to hearing about it but sometimes it was so negative that I felt I couldn't be sympathetic. One mum in particular was going on about how her DS was such a pain and he was so needy and generally putting him down in quite a cruel way. He's barely one year old and I felt that everything she was describing was pretty normal for his age, so all I wanted to say was "what do you expect, he's a baby FFS!" But instead I just nodded and then changed the subject.
When someone asks you how you feel you could say,' Shall I tell you I'm fine or do you wanty to know the truth?'
Asking how you are in this country is often used to actually mean hello and ot a real question at all. However I am of the opinion i=of if you don't really want to know, dont ask!. x
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