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to ask her to stay in a B&B?

(54 Posts)
EverythingsNotRosie Sun 16-Oct-11 19:12:30

Not a MIL bashing thread, I promise! MIL invited herself to visit in half term, we haven't seen her since June as she lives a few hours drive away. Since then I have returned to work full time and DD, 11 months, is at nursery. DD has settled really well at nursery with one exception- she has stopped sleeping through! She has had numerous colds and has cut 6 teeth since she started so it's hardly surprising. We live in a tiny house and MIL would need to sleep on a futon in the tiny study. The thought of dealing with DD and MIL waking each other up and me having to keep DD quiet until a civilised hour of the morning is quite stressful, as well as the fact half term is the only time I have with DD until Christmas. So... Excuse lack of paragraphs on phone... We said we would be happy to see her but as DD not sleeping well, and as I have other plans as well during the week (DH at work) would she mind staying in a B&B which is literally two minutes walk away?... She is now cross and sad and refusing to come where she is not wanted! AIBU?

raffle Sun 16-Oct-11 19:14:34

I would react in the same way tbh

Tortu Sun 16-Oct-11 19:16:18

Hmmm. If it was me, I'd say fine, come but that a good night's sleep is not guaranteed. I would then consciously make as much noise as possible on the first night (why keep DD quiet?). I would then comment on the fact that that has been quite a good night, actually and did she want to rethink?

She obviously feels unwanted, whereas you're actually thinking of her.

DawnOfTheDeementedDead Sun 16-Oct-11 19:16:20

Let her come but warn her that baby will scream and wake her up early.

troisgarcons Sun 16-Oct-11 19:16:37

I think you are BU ... you could utilise her rather than marginalise her

TheOriginalFAB Sun 16-Oct-11 19:17:49

It might have gone down better if you had presented it from the point of view of not wanting her to have disturbed nights and early mornings..

What will she do while you are off doing other things?

LovingChristmas Sun 16-Oct-11 19:18:10

Sorry, but yes you are being a bit U. If you have plans, explain that to her and arrange for her to come for maybe two nights, or a different weekend between now and Xmas, explain fully the sleeping situation and your concerns about DD not sleeping through and see if she's happy with that, however explain that you cannot keep your DD quiet at night, so you were concerned about her being disturbed. If she still wants to come, purchase some cheap ear plugs for her smile

Booooooyhoo Sun 16-Oct-11 19:18:15

who is going to pay for the BnB? she wants to visit her family but not everyone could afford that if it mean paying for a bnb.

OddBoots Sun 16-Oct-11 19:19:23

Could part of the reason for the visit (from her point of view) be to give you a break inc overnight? If so then she probably feels a bit pushed back.

BridgetBust Sun 16-Oct-11 19:20:23

Can MIL afford the B&B?

Would you, hypothetically, have asked your mum to stay in B&B?

EverythingsNotRosie Sun 16-Oct-11 19:22:04

We have explained fully that it is because of DD's sleeping and also for her own comfort. I would love to utilise her but it isn't an option as she has arthritis in her knees and cannot chase after DD etc. I would be more than happy for her to join in my plans and will offer, of course. This isn't really a MIL issue, I would have said the same to any friend or my family!i get on fine with her, no sinister motive!

FearTricksPotter Sun 16-Oct-11 19:22:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverythingsNotRosie Sun 16-Oct-11 19:24:17

Yes, she can afford it, and we have offered to pay as well. No, definitely not coming to 'help' overnight, she would definitely not be up for that, she likes her sleep!

pommedechocolat Sun 16-Oct-11 19:27:48

I can't believe people would be offended by this! Can't believe your MIL is petty enough to cancel her first trip for ages to see you.

Petty, petty, petty.

troisgarcons Sun 16-Oct-11 19:29:04

What does your partner think? is he happy to see his mother sidelined into a hotel?

squeakytoy Sun 16-Oct-11 19:31:25

She brought up at least one child.. your husband. So she knows exactly what it is like to raise a baby.

Sorry but suggesting she stay at a B & B is really unwelcoming, even though you do have good intentions.

duvetdayplease Sun 16-Oct-11 19:31:38

I think YANBU, but as you quite like her and the only trouble is you're worried about your DD waking her, then have her to stay.

She will either hate being woken or not mind, but you did offer.

We didn't have our ILs to stay for 2 years, but that was because we couldn't face their judgey faces at our slightly mad bedtime routine shenanigans.

usualsuspect Sun 16-Oct-11 19:31:48


EverythingsNotRosie Sun 16-Oct-11 19:32:10

Erm.. it was his idea, he suggested it. Definitely wasn't intending to sideline her, am sad this is how it seems. Obviously IABU, I will chat with DH and have a rethink. Not sure how we can make her stay pleasant though, uncomfortable bed and screaming baby and not enough sleep. Maybe she can stay here and I will go to the B&B!

AuntiePickleBottom Sun 16-Oct-11 19:34:17

i think it is a sensible solution.

there is no room for MIL to sleep, so the alternitive is is to stay in a close B&B, get some proper sleep and feel energised to spend time with the family.

NinkyNonker Sun 16-Oct-11 19:35:48

People always stay in B&Bs when they visit us, no-one has ever blinked an eye. If she invited herself I don't see that there should really be a problem.

squeakytoy Sun 16-Oct-11 19:38:42

A futon is bloody uncomfy.. to be honest, when my elderly mum stayed, we gave her our bed, and we slept on a blow up mattress in the lounge. It was only a week at a time, and we were quite happy doing that.

Ear plugs would also help her to sleep.

I know it has been said many times, but it is true, our mums dont last forever, and you really should make the most of it while you can.

usualsuspect Sun 16-Oct-11 19:40:30

I think you should make your MIL welcome

but maybe I'm odd ,I always seem to go against the anti MIL posts on MN

margerykemp Sun 16-Oct-11 19:42:47

You've made yourself sound like a right cow, tbh.

Let her come and stay. If it is a nitemare after a couple of days she will prob offer to go to b&b.

mercibucket Sun 16-Oct-11 19:42:55

we only have a put up bed and usually both my parents and mil stay in hotel in town - if she doesn't want to, how about you go stay there instead and get a good night's sleep and she can have your bed grin

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