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to think that saying "no disrespect" means you are being disrespectfull

(17 Posts)
dolphin84 Sun 16-Oct-11 19:11:39

Example. Last night dh ordered a chinese. Ordered chicken chow mein because he wanted to try it cooked by an expert no disrespect.
Well actually I felt that was pretty disrespectfull
AIBU

BluddyMoFo Sun 16-Oct-11 19:12:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy Sun 16-Oct-11 19:13:24

If you normally cook it for him, then he was heading off any comments about your own not being good enough...

YABU really... if you take that as being disrespectul (using the example you have given)

TethHearseEnd Sun 16-Oct-11 19:14:04

"No Offence"

"I'm not being rude"

"Don't take this the wrong way"

= all precursors to being a cunt hideously offensive

FearTricksPotter Sun 16-Oct-11 19:14:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dolphin84 Sun 16-Oct-11 19:21:03

Maybe not best example but you get what I mean.
Surely by saying something like that you are implying that it could be seen as disrespectfull or rude.

oldenoughtowearpurple Sun 16-Oct-11 19:29:04

'no disrespect' is infuriating, classic passive-aggressive, like 'no offence but...' or 'I am just saying...'. It says 'what I am about to say is going to sound disrespectful and normally you would have the right to take offence but by saying 'no disrespect' i am going to make you look petty and mean if you react negatively'. Makes my blood boil.

However, if you are not an expert Chow Mein cooker then I really don't think his comment was disrespectful. I don't think he was being rude or contemptuous. Just a but clumsy. 'I want to try Chow Mein from the Chinese just to see if it's different to the lovely Chow Mein you cook for me darling' might have been a better approach.

AnyoneButLulu Sun 16-Oct-11 19:39:47

Normally I'd agree, but in your specific example, unless you are actually a professional Chinese chef, YABU.

slavetofilofax Sun 16-Oct-11 19:41:18

Yes, you are saying that it could be seen as disrespectful, but that it isn't meant that way.

Feminine Sun 16-Oct-11 19:58:08

I don't like the "I'm not being horrible" one either.

As normally a very bitchy comment comes spewing out afterwards!

WhereYouLeftIt Sun 16-Oct-11 20:18:42

There was a good response to that in a Doctor Who episode recently :

Doctor : No offence intended, Bishop.
Bishop : Quite a lot taken, if you don't mind, Doctor.

grin

Andrewofgg Sun 16-Oct-11 20:27:17

Dorothy L Sayers remarks in one of her novels that If you will forgive me saying so always precedes an absolutely unforgivable remark.

EllaDee Sun 16-Oct-11 21:00:53

WhereYouLeftIt - I loved that exchange too! grin

said Sun 16-Oct-11 21:07:10

It's very useful though when you really do want to be rude about someone though

Andrewofgg Sun 16-Oct-11 21:08:08

said Ssh - you're giving away the secret!

thefirstmrsrochester Sun 16-Oct-11 21:10:00

"I dont mean to be rude......"
You damn well know you are otherwise you wouldn't have said anything.
"With all due respect..."
You are going to demonstrate no respect whatsoever.
"I hope I'm not overstepping the mark here...."
Em, you already have.

TheBestWitch Sun 16-Oct-11 21:44:51

Yep. It;s in the same category as 'I'm not being racist or anything but.....' followed by something hideously racist. Generally if you feel you have to excuse yourself before you speak you would be wise to keep it zipped ime.

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