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To want to drop children from DS's party invitation list if they didn't invite him to their party?

(62 Posts)
Plodder Sun 16-Oct-11 16:39:39

Am gutted for DS (6 but nearly 7) - there have been at least 3 birthday parties recently where kids he considers friends didn't invite him. he hasn't really noticed but I'm devestated, ungrateful little sods. angry
They were all invited to his party last year...
His party is coming up - don't want to invite the so-called friends... AIBU???
(think I can get away with the "inviting a v small number of kids to go do something" approach so he doesn't realise...) Not sure that makes it any more reasonable...!

Kayano Sun 16-Oct-11 16:41:26


You don't invite to get an invite back

troisgarcons Sun 16-Oct-11 16:41:45

he hasn't really noticed but I'm devestated

you are projecting your disappointment onto him - he hasnt noticed.

If you want to do a smaller, controlled numbers, party - then do it.

But kids friendships alter in primary every week.

rainbowinthesky Sun 16-Oct-11 16:41:57

Yabu. We only had 3 friends for dd's birthday and couldnt possibly have invited all the children whose parties she has been to this past year.

altinkum Sun 16-Oct-11 16:42:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maisiethemorningsidecat Sun 16-Oct-11 16:42:13

YANBU in my book - but I suspect that's a minority view! DS1 just booked paint balling for his birthday, and wanted to invite one of his friends who didn't invite him to his paintballing party. He was under the impression that this friend didn't have a party, so I'm afraid I put him right. Sod it, he's 14 on his birthday, he can handle it grin

worraliberty Sun 16-Oct-11 16:42:31

He hasn't really noticed but you are "devestated"? hmm

If he's going to be 7yrs old, why are you doing the inviting anyway?

It's his party so surely the guests will be chosen by him?

catsareevil Sun 16-Oct-11 16:43:04

YABU. You cant expect it to work that way. There could be all kinds of reasons why your DS wasnt invited, and the final list may not have been in the control of the children themselves.

mousyfledermaus Sun 16-Oct-11 16:45:09

yabu - it's your ds' party, he should be able to chose who to invite.

microfight Sun 16-Oct-11 16:45:17

I understand how you feel but do you know why he wasn't invited to the others party? Did they have small gatherings? Unless you know why then I wouldn't exclude them if your DS wants to invite them and you can afford a big party.

SolidGoldVampireBat Sun 16-Oct-11 16:47:14

Get over yourself, it's not about you. If you need to keep the guest list down because you are doing something that costs per head, fair enough to tell DS he can only invite X number of kids, but it's still up to him who those kids are.

anniekins Sun 16-Oct-11 16:47:19

Yabu. I've always invited the kids my son wants to be invited to his party. After all, his day, his party. Why would I upset him by striking the people he wants off his invite list, just because I''m keeping a record of how many invites he's had, and from whom, in the past.

usualsuspect Sun 16-Oct-11 16:48:18


FlossieFromCrapstonVillas Sun 16-Oct-11 16:51:37

YABU to be 'Devastated'

How do you even know who'd been having all these parties? your son's not bothered, why are you. Do you keep dates from previous calendars or something? Do not project your own insecurity onto your child. Let him invite whoever he wants to (if you can afford it.)

t0lk13n Sun 16-Oct-11 16:54:48

O Lord....if this is your only worry in life....get a grip! He is 7! Ask him who he wants to invite and then let him invite those who did or didn`t invite him. You seem more needy than him!

babyheavingmassofmaggots Sun 16-Oct-11 16:54:51

DS doesn't get invited to parties, but we always invite everyone to his. Its about what he wants not about me thinking that they're a bunch of utter fuckers they shouldn't get an invite if he doesn't go to theirs.

spiderpig8 Sun 16-Oct-11 16:58:59

Is your DS an 'only' ? people with several children just won't remember whether your DS invited them or not.It's def not a snub!

Plodder Sun 16-Oct-11 17:00:51

Thought I probably was (being unreasonable I mean) ! smile

In slight mitigation, at least two of the parties were not small, intimate, close-friends-only type parties, but massive, hire-huge-bouncy-castle-and-the-school-playground type affairs, where one child more or less makes little difference - easy to feel that leaving him out is a bit pointed.

pigletmania Sun 16-Oct-11 17:02:16

YABU I am afraid, its up to your ds not you to decide who comes to his party. Don't project your feelings onto him

lesley33 Sun 16-Oct-11 18:47:55

Doubt leaving him out is pointed - unless he is a nightmare. But most mums let their DC's choose who to invite. Sometimes one DC 1 can think another DC -2 is a close friend, but DC - 2 may just think they are generally friendly. Also at thsi age friendships can change quickly. Its his party. Decide the numbers and let him invite who he wants.

picnicbasketcase Sun 16-Oct-11 18:51:13

I would do exactly the same thing, I'm afraid.

ChaoticAngelofSamhain Sun 16-Oct-11 18:59:03

YABU not to invite someone because they didn't invite your DS. However, YWNBU simply to invite a couple of friends for a day out instead of a large party. There's no rule to say you have to have a large party whether you can afford it or not.

exoticfruits Sun 16-Oct-11 19:13:31

YABU. I just let them invite those they wanted. I did small parties and no way was I going to be blackmailed into huge ones just because other parents were mad enough to do so. Therefore I took no account of invites back.
Just ask him who he wants to

exoticfruits Sun 16-Oct-11 19:14:20

Take a couple of his friends out-much simpler.

dolphin84 Sun 16-Oct-11 19:16:28

A difficult one. One of my dc was really upset that one of her closest friends died not invite her to their birthday event. Didn't have a party just took one friend on a trip to London. (Choses as parents knoew each other I think)
However, wouldn't have dreamed of not inviting him as they are so close

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