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AIBU to not explain myself to this woman?

(48 Posts)
Trills Sun 16-Oct-11 14:55:44

It's Sunday. I am wearing my dressing gown. It is nearly 3pm. (judge me if you like grin)

There was a knock on the front door. I ignored it as I am not expecting anyone and don't want to talk to anyone who is selling anything or collecting for charity or talking about politics or religion.

A few minutes later there was a knock on the back door. To get to the back of our house you have to go past about 6 more houses, down a path, and our house is not labelled at the back (so you'd have to count houses or know which one it was).

That's unusual, I think, I'd better see who it is, if it's someone who knows how to identify our house from the back.

It's the last tenant from our house, who neither of us has met before, asking if we have any post for her. She has been moved out for nearly 9 months now but we still get post; DP has been in contact with her to get her forwarding address and spends a while every few weeks writing "please redirect to..." on the envelopes. She looks rather surprised to see me in my dressing gown but I do not apologise or give an excuse, I just go and find the post we have for her (4 envelopes-worth) and give it to her. She then says "Is <DP's name> not living here any more?" as if to say "Why haven't you sent me this already?". I say that he does live here but isn't in right now. She then says thanks for the post and leaves.

Should I be apologetic about being in my dressing gown, or about not having sent this post on yet? Would you be? I feel like my English training says I should be, but really it's none of her business, right?

Also - is it rude, if someone doesn't answer their front door, to go round and knock on their back door? Bearing in mind that this is a rather small house, and you have never met the people before?

belledechocchipcookie Sun 16-Oct-11 14:58:42

It's rude of her, I'd have told her to get her post redirected as you have better things to do then to sort out someone else's post.

YANBU to be in your dressing gown, nor should you be expected to justify this.

thisisyesterday Sun 16-Oct-11 14:59:35

i would start sending everthing back to the sender. if she can't be arsed to set up a mail redirect and change her address on stuff then too bad

manicbmc Sun 16-Oct-11 14:59:46

Stuff that. Tell her to get her post redirected by the post office. It is ridiculous that she expects you forward her mail after that amount of time. And why hasn't the lazy cow informed people of her change of address?

DirtyBat Sun 16-Oct-11 15:00:08

After 9 months she should have redirected her post.
YANBU for being in your dressing gown and shouldn't be apologetic smile

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 16-Oct-11 15:00:21

No need to be apologetic or annoyed either. She seemed pretty reasonable to me. 'As if to say' is your own interpretation, as is feeling defensive about being in a dressing gown in the afternoon... Someone might try the back door if they think you're in but might not be able to hear them. How far had she travelled to come back for her post?

TheProvincialLady Sun 16-Oct-11 15:01:54

You need to be more assertive. She had no right to go to your back door and you should have told her not to do it. 9 monts of redirecting someone's post is absurd - stop doing it and start returning stuff to sender.

Trills Sun 16-Oct-11 15:03:06

Someone might try the back door if they think you're in but might not be able to hear them.

That's why I mentioned that it's a small house - you can easily hear a knock at the front door from any part of it (as she would know, having lived here herself).

IgnoringTheChildren Sun 16-Oct-11 15:04:19

She was definitely rude to knock on your back door after no answer at the front!

She is also rude not to pay for the post office to redirect her mail! Ask her to sort it and "return to sender" her mail if she doesn't.

It is perfectly acceptable to be in your dressing gown at 3pm on a Sunday or any time you like. grin

IgnoringTheChildren Sun 16-Oct-11 15:05:35

Everyone is soooo much faster at typing than me...

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern Sun 16-Oct-11 15:08:38

She could obviously tell someone was in, thought you couldn't hear her knocking, so went around the back - as she used to live there it would be an easy thing for her to do. I would do the same.

I'd never not answer the door just because I wasn't expecting someone - I'm one of the ones who think that's rude (but I know it's a 50/50 split on here grin) and it's your door - you can do as you please!

I think sometimes when we are self conscious about something (being in your dressing gown at 3pm) you misinterpret a look to be 'meaningful' when it wasn't. She may have been loving your fluffly slippers grin

When she asked if 'x' still lived there she may have just wanted to check if you had her forwarding address if he didn't.

However, I would have said to her 'I'm glad you are here actually as I would like to know why you haven't a mail redirection? We are fed up of having to deal with your mail, from now on we will be sending it back to where it has come from with 'Not known' on it' You have had ages to sort this out'.

OldBagWantsNewBag Sun 16-Oct-11 15:12:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SayGhoulNowSayWitch Sun 16-Oct-11 15:13:33

Why is it rude not to open your OWN door if you're not expecting company? confused

Trills - if it makes you feel any better, DH, DD and I are all still in our pyjamas grin

YANBU but you knew that grin

shshiney Sun 16-Oct-11 15:15:05

Message withdrawn

GnomeDePlume Sun 16-Oct-11 15:15:49

If somebody appeared at my back door they would get incredibly short shrift from me and would be leaving very quickly.

YABU to even think you have to explain yourself to a trespasser.

LeBOOOf Sun 16-Oct-11 15:16:45

I've got my slanket on <one upmanship>

If anybody knocks at the door, they can fuck off.

marzipananimal Sun 16-Oct-11 15:18:17

I'm wearing my dressing gown (although I am dressed underneath).
YANBU but I wouldn't be forwarding on her post after all this time!

GirlWithALlamaTattoo Sun 16-Oct-11 15:19:37

She was being unreasonable to come to the back door, and she was being unreasonable in not having set up a redirection for the post.

As to the dressing gown, you don't have to justify yourself to her, but you know in your own mind if you were being unreasonable. If you'd just got out of the shower, YANBU; if you'd worked the night and slept all morning, YANBU. If you just couldn't be arsed to get dressed, YABU. If you're doing something that you're embarrassed for people to find out, sort it out!

BoscoWillHauntYourDreams Sun 16-Oct-11 15:25:36

I really wouldn't worry too much, I was in mine all day, now I've gone to bed for a nap..its sunday!

slavetofilofax Sun 16-Oct-11 15:26:23

She was being very rude. No, you don't have to explain anything.

I would redirect one more letter for her, with a note on it saying that you won't be doing it anymore, and then either return to sender or chuck in the bin.

MistressFrankly Sun 16-Oct-11 15:27:27

As far as i am aware on a sunday we the god given right to lounge in pjs and dressing gown as long as suits us. I draw the line at popping to the shops dressed like that but if someone knocks on my door on a sunday for anything as trivial as post they can deal with my choice of nightwear grin

As a rule anyone knocking on my door without the special code (i come bearing biscuits/vodka/crosswords) gets ignored. My home is my domain and if i dont want to answer the door i wont and without a trace of guilt.

ScarahStratton Sun 16-Oct-11 15:32:18

I'm tucked up on the sofa too. I'm watching huge black clouds forming in the distance. confused

I'd be writing 'not at this address' on her letters and slinging it back in the postbox.

Minus273 Sun 16-Oct-11 15:33:27

I would only try the back door of a friend or relative whom I knew to be expecting me.

The woman is unreasonable asking for her mail as it is ow 9months after moving, first few weeks are reasonable as IME both companies and Royal Mail can cock up on address changes. From now on I would return everything as not known at this address.

Trills Sun 16-Oct-11 15:36:31

If you're doing something that you're embarrassed for people to find out, sort it out!

I take it there's no afternoon shagging in your house then? grin

Booooooyhoo Sun 16-Oct-11 15:36:41

she didn't ask you to explain about your dressing gown or why you didn't answer the door. i dont get the reason for your OP.

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