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to think my friend is using emotional blackmail on her bf??

(10 Posts)
ballroomblitz Sat 15-Oct-11 11:09:48

Brief background is they are very on/off/on with each other. You really don't know from week to week what the situation is. One minute they're madly in love and the next fighting with each other.

Anyway friend has recently found out she is pg so I was asking her how her and bf were getting on and she tells me that he isn't very supportive and she's thinking of having an abortion if he doesn't start to pull his weight. By supportive she means that he's still going at night with his friends rather than staying in with her. She doesn't want to be a sp and would rather 'get rid' (her words) than be one. I have to say I was a bit hmm at this comment as I'm a sp myself but I can see where she is coming from as she was raised in an sp family herself and knows how difficult it is.

I tried to tell her that she had to base the decision on what she wanted, not than if she might be a sp. Even if you are together with someone, you don't know what the future holds, and god forbid, something might happen to your partner and you might end up being a sp anyway.

Then come the various updates on facebook when he doesn't do what she wants 'It's not too late to change my mind' etc. Only a few of us know she's pg but we know what she's getting at.

I've bitten my tongue as really I know it's not my business but I can't help but feel she's using emotional blackmail on him. Personally it's changed my perception of her and she sounds a bit spoilt. They aren't the greatest couple together to raise a child but it's the mild threats that are bugging me iykwim?

squeakytoy Sat 15-Oct-11 11:12:22

I would keep out of it, they both sound quite toxic.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 15-Oct-11 11:14:59

YANBU but agree with squeaktoy. Stay away from these attention-seeking Masters of the Me-Niverse and leave them to get on with their childish behaviour.

ballroomblitz Sat 15-Oct-11 11:19:13

I have kept well out. Just didn't know if I was being a bit judgemental or not by it changing what way I looked at her

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 15-Oct-11 11:24:13

She's an adult and therefore free to choose what to do in all respects... provided it's legal. If you genuinely think she's using abortion as a casual bargaining chip, then she's not got much about her (as my mother would say smile ). Sometimes it takes extreme situations for someone to show their true colours.

ballroomblitz Sat 15-Oct-11 11:35:54

I have nothing against abortion. It's up but them to choose but yeah, it's the implication of her using it to get what she wants that shocked me. Very childish behaviour on such a big decision. Like I say I have stayed well out of it and will continue to do so smile

Birdsgottafly Sat 15-Oct-11 11:38:55

Your not being judgemental if your attitude i sthat she shouldn't be behaving as she is.

If she does go ahead with the pregnancy, you can only hope that the game playing and drama won't be extended towards her child.

DontGoCurly Sat 15-Oct-11 11:44:07

She sounds very immature. As for playing out the drama on Facebook. Eurgh. Attention seeking. I would just igniore her.

ballroomblitz Sat 15-Oct-11 12:06:05

I sincerely hope so birdsgotta fly. I know personally what a huge decision it is to have an abortion and how heartbreaking it can be. Maybe the reason this blase, bargaining attitude has got to me. I also know how having a child can put a strain on the most secure of relationships.

DontGoCurly - I have just been rolling my eyes at the facebook thing and ignoring it all.

I will continue to stick my fingers in my ears and sing lalala every time she brings it up

Poor baby. Let's hope that, assuming she does keep it, she is a more mature and reasonable parent than she is partner.

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