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Was I or was she?

(103 Posts)
littlewheel Fri 14-Oct-11 10:42:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealMrsHannigan Fri 14-Oct-11 10:46:36

She was insensitive and rude to ask imo, especially over lunch. I think you handled it well, if she went off in a huff it shows how rude she really is, she should have had a quiet word with you afterwards, apologising for clearly making you uncomforatable.

manicbmc Fri 14-Oct-11 10:48:13

She sounds like an utter loon. Birth stories are not for meal times. They are for girl time, involving copious amounts of wine. grin

ZZZenAgain Fri 14-Oct-11 10:49:17

It wouldn't have bothered me in the least tbh , I wouldh ave just answered her, no need to go into great detail. Tbh I don't really know why it upset you but if you managed to handle what was just a friendly overture in the end in a way that did not leave her feeling embarrassed, I suppose it doesn't matter how/what you said in the end.

littlewheel Fri 14-Oct-11 10:49:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneNerveAndYouAreOnIt Fri 14-Oct-11 10:51:14

lol who on earth is interested in other people's long and boring labour stories

littlewheel Fri 14-Oct-11 10:51:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

debbie1412 Fri 14-Oct-11 10:51:37

hey, myself personally wouldn't of took offence to that question, I've been asked it many times and i would ask the question myself if we was on topic of recent babies. but everyones different and if it offended you then thats your call I'm sure not everyone want to disscuss the labours with a table of people. i wouldn't worry about it.

littlewheel Fri 14-Oct-11 10:52:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

solidgoldbrass Fri 14-Oct-11 10:54:02

Well it might have mattered to her because she either had a traumatic birth experience of her own, or becuase she is PG or TTC and worrying about it. It was a bit crass but I doubt the intention was malicious.

aldiwhore Fri 14-Oct-11 10:54:33

You possibly could have said "I;ll tell you later as I don't want to put people off their dinner, it was all fairly traumatic"

Though she WU to ask that question at the dinner table!

debbie1412 Fri 14-Oct-11 10:55:41

yh but its just 1 of those questions people ask, sex, weight, time, are you breast feeding, are you getting much sleep. i think it just happens with women. I'm not sure if thats a good thing or not lol

fraktious Fri 14-Oct-11 11:01:52

I wouldn't have minded. I'd have phrased it in terms of 'no, it was a CS' or 'not a CS'. That way you don't get into the endless debate about what natural really is grin

MorelliOrRanger Fri 14-Oct-11 11:02:24

I agree with solidgoldbrass.

She did apologise to you, so maybe she left because she felt a bit foolish.

Nowtspecial Fri 14-Oct-11 11:08:42

I really don't get how people feel free to ask such a personal question. Baffled.

FantasticDay Fri 14-Oct-11 11:17:06

Tbh, I wouldn't have been offended. I don't think I'd have asked, but it sounds like she was just making conversation. If you didn't want to talk about it (and you are certainly under no obligation!) you could just say "You really don't want to hear about my labour over lunch!" and changed the subject. She might have left because embarrassed rather than annoyed?

MrSpoc Fri 14-Oct-11 11:17:25

sorry but i think YABU.

If your not frineds but at the same gathering, may be, just may be she picked a topic to talk to you in order to become friends. I bet she was not arsed in the least weather you had a natural birth or not.

If i was sat at the table i would of thought you came across as a stuck up wench.

littlewheel Fri 14-Oct-11 11:20:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrSpoc Fri 14-Oct-11 11:25:24

i did read it. So you went to a gathering of old school people. You DO NOT LIKE HER. i still think she was just trying to use a topic in order to become friends.

CertainlyToomsRemains Fri 14-Oct-11 11:30:37

I'm really sorry that you had a challenging birth, but I'm sure she was only trying to make conversation.


That said, the dining table not the place I would have chosen to have had that sort of discussion loudly.

fedupofnamechanging Fri 14-Oct-11 11:31:41

These threads scare me as they make me scared to open my mouth irl. I can see myself asking that kind of question, just to make conversation and with no intention of being too personal or causing offence. I can see why discussing birth in public would make you uncomfortable, so you ANBU to avoid answering, but lots of people wouldn't give it a second thought and would just answer. It's one of those things that could go either way, depending on who you ask.

I feel a bit sorry for her, for judging it 'wrong' and not reading you correctly. Think the "I'll tell you later" approach would have been better, but appreciate you were caught on the spot.

DurhamDurham Fri 14-Oct-11 11:40:23

I wouldn't be offended to be asked that question and would have answered it but understand that other people might be more 'private' than me. I think the fact that she left meant that she was upset rather than angry. She put you on the spot and then you put her on the spot. I imagine everyone there felt v uncomfortable.

spatchcock Fri 14-Oct-11 11:40:59

MrSpoc - it's a funny topic for small talk though, isn't it? I can think of better, personally. Or maybe I'm just better at small talk.

I don't think you were being unreasonable, OP. I've been asked over and over about my birth (three months ago). When I say I had an emergency c section a lot of people go 'oh, you were lucky!' (as in - lucky you didn't have to push the baby out) hmm. It was actually quite traumatic but I don't have the energy to go into every time. I think I will just go with your answer from now on.

perfumedlife Fri 14-Oct-11 11:42:09

Well I'm not sure what the etiquette is of birth stories at gatherings but I do believe good manners require you to be polite and friendly at such times and I do think your hmm was a bit OTT. I personally think she was trying to be friendly and get to know you, and lets face it, usually woman do love to be asked about their childbirth experiences.

littlewheel Fri 14-Oct-11 11:42:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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