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to not want to go out for christmas dinner in a pub with the family, but DP has already said yes

(81 Posts)
GetOrfMo1Land Thu 13-Oct-11 21:18:18

Someone in the family has decided it would be a good idea for us all (20 odd people) to go out for Christmas lunch in a pub. They asked DP who provisionally said yes, but I really really do not want to go for so many reasons.

- I want to cook my own christmas dinner
-I don't want to eat lunch in a nondescript pub which describes it as Christmas lunch with 'all the trimmings'
-It costs £60 a head (for 4 of us) without alcohol
-it is 20 miles drive away, not far at all I agree but who wants to drive on Christmas day?
-I don't want to go
- I don't want to go

Why can't we do what we normally do at Christmas - the whole family goes round PILs in the morning to swap gifts and bucks fizz for an hour or two, and everyone buggers off by lunchtime. So I can go home to merrily potter round the kitchen cooking and pissing about, and it is all relaxed.

I HATE the idea of a crappy lunch in a pub. How can I say no without coming across as a petulant twat?

worraliberty Thu 13-Oct-11 21:20:46

Oh I'd absolutely hate that!

Sitting shoulder to shoulder in an overworked restaurant and paying over inflated prices is not my idea of a relaxing Christmas day.

Why did your DH provisionally agree without discussing it?

GetOrfMo1Land Thu 13-Oct-11 21:26:33

Exactly! And the waiting staff will hate you because they are working on christmas day, and they will be hungover at worst, or overly attentive to get huge tips.

I have been ill and DP thought it would be a nice surprise and will mean I won't have to cook. Doesn't he know me at all! I love cooking christmas dinner and have all my little routines <twat>. I do NOT want to eat dry as a bone turkey in a shitty pub. And £60 each! So £240 before any alcohol, plus we will be paying our share of PIL's meal, and people will probably get pissed out of sheer boredom, so the wine bill will be huge, and I bet I end up driving.

Chrysanthemum5 Thu 13-Oct-11 21:26:45

Your DP has only provisionally agreed so just say it won't work for you. You can see them in the morning and go back home when they leave for lunch.

Although personally if you afford it then I'd go because you presumably like your family and Christmas day is a nice day to be with family.

GetOrfMo1Land Thu 13-Oct-11 21:26:47

And the menu looks SHIT.

It sounds like my idea of hell to be honest. As your DH's agreement was only provisional I see no reason why you can't just say that having discussed it you both feel that you would rather not partake.

GetOrfMo1Land Thu 13-Oct-11 21:27:45

Sorry but have to post the menu

Broccoli & Wensleydale soup (v)
with multi-grain bread & butter
Loch Fyne® smoked Scottish salmon & king prawns (†)
with horseradish mayonnaise, salad garnish, multi-grain bread & butter
Smooth duck liver & apricot terrine
with thick-cut toast, caramelised red onion chutney & butter
Mushroom & artichoke open Wellington (v)
with roasted tomato & smoked garlic chutney
All mains served with British root vegetables, Brussels sprouts, dauphinoise & crispy roasted potatoes
Hand-carved British roast turkey breast & honey-roast ham
with all the trimmings & cranberry gravy
Angus fillet steak
with a smoked bacon, mushroom & ruby port sauce*
Grilled sea bass fillets (†)
with roasted cherry tomatoes
Pan-seared Barbary duck breast
with a sage & honey jus
Roasted red pepper & red onion tart (v)
with a Cheddar cheese sauce in puff pastry
Christmas pudding (v)
with brandy sauce*
Trio of mini Belgian chocolate desserts
with chocolate sauce
Irish cream chocolate truffle torte*
with chocolate sauce & double cream
Oven-baked fruit crumble (v)
with rich, dairy custard


worraliberty Thu 13-Oct-11 21:29:17

Lol I've got my little routines too

Besides, I need a bucket load of gravy and I've never met a restaurant worker who really understands this sad

EricNorthmansMistress Thu 13-Oct-11 21:29:28

sounds vile. Just say! Whose idea is it? Can you have a word with some other relatives and try to poison them against the idea get them on side?

GetOrfMo1Land Thu 13-Oct-11 21:30:07

I know - but how to come across without sounding like the proverbial bitch?

Sorry everyone I am auto-ranting now.

I love my in-laws (all the family at the dinner are DP's) apart from one ghastly SIL, I really like spending time with them, and a couple of hours in the morning is lovely, and a couple of years ago about a dozen of us went to BIL's for dinner. So it's not the company - I just want a nice normal Christmas in someone's house, not a shitty ersatz version in a dozy pub.

EricNorthmansMistress Thu 13-Oct-11 21:30:20

£60 per person???

Rollergirl1 Thu 13-Oct-11 21:31:26

Who suggested it? Does everyone else want to do it? It may be that others aren't keen on the idea either. Could you possibly have a chat with friendly SIL's and gauge what the feeling is?

LetThereBeRock Thu 13-Oct-11 21:31:48

YANBU,but what's wrong with the menu? £60 is excessive perhaps,but I don't see anything wrong with the menu itself.

blackeyedsusan Thu 13-Oct-11 21:31:53

"No, I am sorry but that is not possible."
or even "no!" would do.

it is the standard price (ish) for christmas lunch in a pub... (and you can understand why) nbut oh my goodness.... NO

bibbitybobbityhat Thu 13-Oct-11 21:32:42

Yanbu! Does dp really really really want to go? Is he going to do the driving?

GetOrfMo1Land Thu 13-Oct-11 21:32:47

Yes that is it about the gravy.

Plus the pigs in blankets and stuffing - as part of my cook's privilege I cook double and munch as I go.

Plus I like red cabbage and parsnips done MY way.

Oh dear I am going to be a bastard of a MIL sad grin

I will speak to my SIL (not the hated on, one of the others) and see where this idea came from. I bet it is DP's sister - I like her but she is a bossy bugger who likes to plan other people's lives

squeakytoy Thu 13-Oct-11 21:33:03

Just say no. say you have already made plans, you dont want to go out for a meal, and thanks but no thanks..

I would hate it too.. I love being at home with the telly on, relaxing, on xmas day.

LydiaWickham Thu 13-Oct-11 21:33:47

Just say, sorry, you've decided to have Christmas lunch at home (it's not like you'll be leaving anyone alone at christmas, they'll be 20 of them!) and you can ask PIL if they'd like to come over on Boxing day?

If you don't want to do it, you don't have too!!! It's not too early to pull out, just say you've decided you'd all rather be at home. Dont leave it any longer or else someone will book.

redwineformethanks Thu 13-Oct-11 21:34:02

I think the menu looks fine, but I wouldn't fancy Christmas lunch in a pub when I could cook it so much nicer myself

Having said that, is it worth looking at the bigger picture? If everyone else is going, will you upset people if you refuse to go?

Or could you ask them for £60 per head and do them the most amazing meal ever, at your house?

Nowtspecial Thu 13-Oct-11 21:34:20


EricNorthmansMistress Thu 13-Oct-11 21:34:52

£60 each??? Seriously?????????????

FetchezLaVache Thu 13-Oct-11 21:35:17

Will they still all be meeting at PILs' house in the morning for buck's fizz before heading to the pub? If so, I'd say you'll come for that as usual, but then will be heading back home for your own Christmas lunch, as usual. YANBU.

GetOrfMo1Land Thu 13-Oct-11 21:36:12

No, rock, to be honest the menu looks absolutely fine, and I would be happy to eat that for a normal sunday lunch for £30 or whatever.

I just don't want to eat in on Christmas day.

I will do the driving, I can see it now, I normally do on Christmas morning so DP can have a drink with his 3 brothers, plus so I can keep a clear head to cook.

My face dropped when DP told me, I said I really really don't want to do that. Plus the pub is crap imo.

And to be honest it will cost tge best part of £300 for the day - I just don't want to spend that, we can afford it but bollocks what a waste of money imo.

LydiaWickham Thu 13-Oct-11 21:36:26

BTW - don't discuss it with other SIL, just say no - if the others want to do this, why try to scupper it? This way you get to just have a nice family christmas, and if everyone else is too cowardly to say no decides they want to do it, you haven't been the one who's ruined their plans. Surely you could pop over to PILs before they go anyway and still have that tradition...

newbiedoobiedoo Thu 13-Oct-11 21:36:59

Yuck! I wouldn't do that in a million years! It's like pulling a plaster off it firmly and quickly this year or it'll turn into an annual thing and your Christmas will be ruined forever! Just say "I like how we usually do it, I want to have my own Christmas dinner in my own house but thanks anyway". You may seem a bitch (though I don't see why) but at least you'll be a bitch enjoying Christmas! smile

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