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help! I married (well, I haven't yet. I'm sposed to be. But I may tell him to poke it) a REPTILE

(68 Posts)
SpringHeeledJack Thu 13-Oct-11 12:19:28

My partner is a quite nice lad as a rule, but he is a reptile. He does not feel what I consider to be normal human emotions eg love, guilt, empathy etc- just a general sort of crossness (no frozen mice in fridge) happiness (fridge full of frozen mice) and so on

As a result, I have to cover for his reptileness for his family. This includes- gently prodding him to visit, phone, buying lavish gorgeous well chosen socks presents for them for which he takes full credit, etc etc

bear with me, please...

this week, more than usually, have been prodding him a bit frequently. His elderly mum is ill, his niece has had a baby (awwww, , it's a cute baby, too. Much cuter than normal babies), his sister (dn's mum) is feeling it a bit, iykwim

as a result have spent all week wondering when I can schedule baby present buying, where to go, what to get, when to visit. Honestly. I have put things out on Twitter and everyfing. I've asked him how much cash we can spare, nudged card buying. And looked at lots of websites. No, really, it's been vair, vair hard.

Yesterday d(reptile)p texts me to suggest we send dn some flowers instead. I have texted back to say no, no, not flowers, she's only young and in a little flat, won't have vases and stuff- let's send her some money for now and she can get a chinese and fizzy booze, then we can get her a Proper Present.

Last night he's on the phone to SIL (as a result of me poking, again) and I overhear him say "I wanted to get dn some flowers, but Jack says don't bother because she's only 22 and they're too expensive"

shock shock shock

Thank you to anyone who's read this far

Now. AIBU to turn his fucking heat lamp off and kick him in the scaly face???

AM I???

Hardgoing Thu 13-Oct-11 12:23:50

I'm sorry, but YABU.

He may be a reptile, but he's a reptile who offered to buy flowers. You should have let him.

Seriously, this level of micro-management of him will be extremely tiresome to keep up. I don't buy my husband's family presents, I don't prompt him to call, I just don't do any of that. His relationship with them is no worse than it was when we met (fine). I do send photos of the children on occasion and get them to make a card, but he's an adult. Leave him to it.

TheControversialJessie Thu 13-Oct-11 12:26:48

No. You are not.

Tell him exactly what you've said her. Then make him phone up SIL, and tell her it was him who wanted to get his niece a thoughtless bunch of flowers, instead of something she could actually use, or appreciate.

Salmotrutta Thu 13-Oct-11 12:27:57

Yes - leave him to it. grin
And he was half-rightish, you did say she was only young!
As someone who has done all the cards/presents etc. for nearly 30 years I really wish I had made DH take some responsibility from the beginning.
I doubt if he even knows his nieces and nephews birthdays hmm

TheControversialJessie Thu 13-Oct-11 12:28:04

And yes, I have a thing about flowers, due to a couple of people. This maybe unduly influencing my posts.

SpringHeeledJack Thu 13-Oct-11 12:33:37

Hardgoing I would leave him to it, if I could. I have left (non-reptilian) men to it in the past.

But if I did, he wouldn't do anything. And I mean anything. He'd just sit in the vivarium, waiting for his annual cheque from his mum. SIL lives near MIL and she has to do everything, so intervention is necessary

SpringHeeledJack Thu 13-Oct-11 12:34:16

<cuddles Jessie>

<pointedly ignores Salmo>

BangersNGash Thu 13-Oct-11 12:37:20

I'm with you on this SpringHeeledJack - and cleverly typed aswell if you don't mind me saying - I enjoyed reading it smile

It's not about the flowers it's about the fact that he seems to have advertised to his family that you don't care and are rather stingy regardless of all the poking and prodding and his general not bothered-ness.

I'd kick him in the scaly face for you grin

Blueberties Thu 13-Oct-11 12:41:38

chop his tail off

I've heard they grow back

ahem grin

cheekeymonster Thu 13-Oct-11 12:44:59

Would he make a good handbag? grin

SpringHeeledJack Thu 13-Oct-11 12:45:30

<cuddles Bangers and Blueberties>

I am glad my domestic torment has amused you, Bangers


Hardgoing Thu 13-Oct-11 12:45:34

He seems rather childish, tbh, blaming you for not getting the flowers which is not ok. But then, you are mothering him, it's a dynamic.

SpringHeeledJack Thu 13-Oct-11 12:48:37


SpringHeeledJack Thu 13-Oct-11 12:49:06

<waits for AnyFucker to come and tell me to leave his scaly ass>

Blueberties Thu 13-Oct-11 12:50:15

ha ha it's all your fault for being nice Jack


Chandon Thu 13-Oct-11 12:57:24

you are trying to manage him WAY! too much babe

MrsChemist Thu 13-Oct-11 12:59:28

Enlist the help of a snake charmer to teach him how to dance remember family occasions

SpringHeeledJack Thu 13-Oct-11 12:59:39

I'm not trying to manage him, Chandon

just not to rampage around eating babies and trampling on buildings (that would be him Following His Instincts)

KouklaMoo Thu 13-Oct-11 12:59:48

As the proud owner of a dh with definite reptile-ish qualities you have my full and sincere sympathy. Unfortunately, years of experience of owning the lizardlike creatures tells me that hardgoing is right - interference only comes back to bite you on the bum.

If my reptile offered to send his sister flowers I would be so over the moon, I wouldn't even question whether it was the right present or not wink

Perhaps we should start a handbook 'Tips For a Successful Marriage to a Reptile' or something?

Georgimama Thu 13-Oct-11 13:00:17

No one has to mother him, he's a grown up reptile isn't he?

KouklaMoo Thu 13-Oct-11 13:01:02

Mind you, he deserves terrible punishment for what he said to his sister! I would have made him call her back and explain. Bad reptile.

TiaMariaandDietCoke Thu 13-Oct-11 13:01:14

ohhh, I would not be happy about the 'too expensive' remark! the bloody scaly cheek of him! I'd make him put SIL right on that one for a start, then I'd make him get the card and money sorted, and then suggest he treat you to a present too by way of apology - how about a lizard skin handbag? grin

TheControversialJessie Thu 13-Oct-11 13:01:20

Sort out a present for niece. Pointedly sign it.

Then send (petrol station) flowers, signed from him.

Then leave the bastard.

BarbaraWoodlouse Thu 13-Oct-11 13:02:00

Absolutely grin grin grin at "turn his fucking heat lamp off and kick him in the scaly face" <hands SHJ a "quote of the day" medal

YANBU. Is this the cute new offspring of which you speak?

SpringHeeledJack Thu 13-Oct-11 13:02:05

yeah, but, Koula

if one suddenly stops curbing natural lizard behaviour, what happens?

the consequences may be dreadful


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