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WIBU to question his parenting?

(14 Posts)
HullEnzia Thu 13-Oct-11 08:03:41

I've been briefly seeing someone for a few weeks, nothing serious, just coffee with plans of cinema and a meal next weekend. However it came to my attention that his teen DD is constantly left alone at their house. She's only 14 and is routinely left alone all night whilst he works nights or otherwise stays out. On these nights she has friends over and by the sounds of it these 14 year olds are just left to their own devices all night. It sounds to me like a youth hostel where he occasionally checks in IYSWIM?? He's told me already he's found condoms in her room, if she knows he's out all night she could be having anyone back there. Anyway he mentioned something to me about this last night and I told him I thought she was far too young to have the run of the house like this and that anything could be going on during these "free nights". He didn't like it and is now being a bit off with me but I felt someone needed to say something.

Should I just have kept quiet?? WIBU?

Oakmaiden Thu 13-Oct-11 08:12:27

Well... it doesn't sound ideal, but at the same time... I don't generally have a problem with a 14 year old being left alone overnight. My parents used to go on holiday and leave me behind when I was about 14.

That said - I would have a problem with the teen having people round overnight, unloess they were VERY trustworthy - and it doesn't sound like this teen is.

I don't know what the answer is though - he needs to work, and I don't think in general the "home alone" thing is a huge issue for a 14 year old. The underage sex thing is, though.

ThePumpkinKing Thu 13-Oct-11 08:13:53

Unless you're volunteering to go over and stay with her, it was hardly constructive advice was it?

If he has to work nights, it doesn't sound as though he has much choice but to leave her alone.

The condoms in her room are a non-issue really.

She could be up to all sorts, but she could be perfectly sensible, it sounds as though you don't know either of them well enough to make that call.

HullEnzia Thu 13-Oct-11 08:15:11

To be honest it's not so much the being left alone at night, it's the way his house seems to be some kind of doss house for teens. I'm quite uncomfortable with it.

HullEnzia Thu 13-Oct-11 08:19:16

Also it's not just when he works nights (which he volunteers to do btw, he doesn't have to) but he regularly sleeps out when he goes to friends etc. It sounds to me like she more or less lives there alone.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 13-Oct-11 08:22:31

I'd have questioned it - and not offered to 'help'.

It's terrible parenting. A 14 year is not old enough to make decisions about who comes in the house - she would find it very hard to say no.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 13-Oct-11 08:23:08

And I wouldn't date him any more either - we wouldn't be exactly on the same page with regard to parenting.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll Thu 13-Oct-11 08:30:06

YANBU but if he doesnt chane things then I personally would not be with him. It's very lax.

HullEnzia Thu 13-Oct-11 08:33:23

See apart from this issue from what he's told me she's often out wandering the streets with friends until gone 10pm too. I don't think he has any intentions of changing things. When he does go home he just goes straight up to his room half the time whilst the DD and friends take over the downstairs. It's almost as if she's the adult running the house and he's the child.
It's all a bit off putting. Lazy parenting. Think I'll let this fish go.

valiumredhead Thu 13-Oct-11 08:35:45

Well, I was babysitting over night for 4 kids from the age of 14, regularly travelling up to London by myself which involved ferry and 2 trains and long before the days of mobile phones. There are 14 year olds and there are 14 year olds iykwim? Depends on the child imo.

Condoms - well good at least she is being sensible iF they are hers!

It's not something I would do but you haven't known him long and you can't really know the situation/set up. When she has friends over it might be just her best friend not necessarily an all night party with tons of teens. My best friend's parents went on holiday for 2 weeks when we were nearly 15 and left us in charge of the house and we were responsible, had a few mates round but no parties.

I don't really think you can judge unless you know more facts tbh.

valiumredhead Thu 13-Oct-11 08:36:33

X post with OP

valiumredhead Thu 13-Oct-11 08:37:11

Do you have kids OP and how old are they?

AKMD Thu 13-Oct-11 08:37:23

YANBU, how horrible for his DD (although she probably loves it right now!). I would have had to say somethng as well. And no, I wouldn't take things any further with this man.

MurderBloodstabsandgore Thu 13-Oct-11 08:50:32

I couldn't date him either.

I realise that 'needs must' but if he doesn't need to be out all night, and he certainly doesn't need to let her have free run.....

You probably were BU, but sod it, eh? he needed telling wink

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