to feel I need some form of counselling but not go as don't want anything on my health records....

[Likeaheadlesschicken]

I really feel that I need to talk to someone independent about how I am feeling. I don't want to be accused of drip feeding but don't want to talk through the exact reasons for wanting counselling. I cannot talk to my DH about everything, he is brilliant but just not that great with discussing feelings, I have no really close friends, and would not want to discuss such private things with them if I did. I feel I am at breaking point but don't want to go to my GP as I dont want potential MH issues put on my health records, I am also pregnant and wouldnt want the midwife's/HV thinking that I have triggers for PND etc. I can't afford private counselling so that is out of the question, so I really don't know what to do, except carry on feeling like I have been feeling for the past two years, except getting worse.

[squeakytoy]

I really think going to your GP is what you need to do.

If you let this fester and go untreated there will come a point where you will have no choice but to seek help, and it is surely better to deal with it now while you are in more control.

[TheBestWitch]

What is it you fear about it being on your records? They are confidential.
It is possible that you might be more at risk of pnd (although you haven't given details so I've no idea) and if you are surely it's a good thing that there will be support there for you. It won't be forced on you if you don't need it.

[Shakey1500]

Sorry you're feeling like this :(

Just out of interest, for what reasons do you not wish it to appear on medical records? Insurances etc?

If there is no other outlet for you then it sounds like you have little choice and as squeaky says, better to do it now?

[Likeaheadlesschicken]

Thanks Squeaky I am a very private person and am struggling with the thought of this being on my records and following me around for the rest of my life if you see what I mean.

[Likeaheadlesschicken]

I don't know why I don't want it written down, I just worry it might affect me going forward, with job applications etc, maybe I have drempt this issue up, but I definately have a mental block about going to see my GP and having all my "problems" documented.

[squeakytoy]

Aw, I reckon there are very very few people these days who dont have some sort of mental health issue on their medical records, stress, depression, anxiety affect almost every one of us at some point. It is absolutely nothing at all to be afraid of, and it is certainly rare that it would be used against you.

If you know you need some help, then please, go get it. Suffering in silence is absolutely not the way to get better, and I do suspect you will agree.

[Shakey1500]

I understand the privacy angle but please, don't let it get so far that your medical records are the furthest thing from your mind.

[TheBestWitch]

There's absolutely no way it would effect job applications. Potential employers can' just view your medical records! I understand it can be a bit scary to share your private thoughts/feelings but it would really be a shame if that prevented you getting help.

[omaoma]

i hear where you're coming from re the health records, i really do. i think you need to look at this as if it were anything else health-related you needed help with though. If you had issues that could, say, potentially linked to diabetes these would go on your records and potentially affect how you were treated in future and in pregnancy. but you wouldn't avoid getting help for them on that basis - you'd just want to be well and as healthy as poss.

I saw the counsellor at my GPs during pregnancy. It helped me feel less overwhelmed, and allowed me to express things I felt I couldn't say to anybody else (including DH) becuase they were so weird and sometimes terrible. I felt intensely vulnerable during pregnancy, and less able to cope. Just being able to say the things out loud helped.

Please try not to worry about things being on your record: you're at a risk of making yourself more isolated in this situation than you already seem to be. Take it one step at a time and find somebody to talk to first. Perhaps a helpline might be a first step you feel you can manage, confidential and anonymous, but could give you confidence about finding out what's going on for you? Eg, Samaritans or Mind? I'm not sure what exactly the issues you're dealing with but there's a comprehensive list of helplines here (not just about depression despite the name)
www.depressionalliance.org/community/useful-contacts.php

[MillyR]

I took that decision LAHC. I was concerned that at some point I would have to write down on an application form if I had ever had mental health problems. I didn't want to have to do that so I didn't see a counsellor.

I don't know if I regret it or not.

[Likeaheadlesschicken]

Thanks for your help, I think just writing it on here without name changing (not that I am a prolific poster or anything) has made me realise that I do need to make a change as I am feeling more desolate as time goes on. Hopefully I will get "closure" on one of my main trigger points soon so I might see if that changes anything and if not go to my GP.

[catsareevil]

There are some counselling organisations that you can self refer to. If you are convinced that you dont have a health diagnosis as such, but want someone to talk things over with then that could be a possibility. In the area that I live they are listed in the phone book.

I agree with all the other comments about your records though - they are confidential and anyone who isnt involved in your healthcare would need permission to look at them.

What would be the downside if a midwife did think that you might be at increased risk of PND? The result of that could be a greater level of attention and support.

[Likeaheadlesschicken]

Milly do you feel as if over time you have resolved some of your "issues", sorry if that isnt the right way of putting it, or are they still there?

[squeakytoy]

It might help you to post about it (under a different name if you feel more comfortable) in Relationships. It is a lot calmer in there and there will always be a poster who can offer really good advice.

[skybluepearl]

Isn't it something like one in every 16 people see thier GP about mental health issues? Anyway it is very common and there are so many different degrees - minor to major.

[Likeaheadlesschicken]

I think I am letting my pride get in the way of a fall, if that is the right saying. I am very private and very proud and feel by talking about it that I am admitting to a weakness, and I am afraid of doing that.

[slavetofilofax]

Calling the Samaritans can be a very good first step in your situation. You will recieve the space to talk about your feelings, and although it's not councelling, they do use many councelling skills that can help you talk about the things you need to talk about.

[HerScaryness]

if it is depression, you hiding it/allowing you to refuse to treat it for fear of discovery may actually fuel the situation not help it.

I'm not saying shout it from the roof tops, but IF you are depressed, either with antenatal depression or 'straight forward' clinical depression, it really is vital that you ARE given the right support.

depression is an illness, like Asthma, and it can be life threatening too.

Try to analyse what it is you are worried about when you find yourself stressed, ask yourself (out loud if it helps) what is the worst that can happen? challenge destructive thoughts at each and every opportunity, try to see them for what they really are and not what your fears may be making them out to be.

Try and specifically do things to cheer yourself up, see how you feel afterwards, if you are still flat, then please, pop along to the GP for a chat and see if they can help you.

You don't need to be in despair, please let others help. MH issues are not the life sentence they were. 1 in 3 people get depression, it's very common, but can be controlled and treated.

Keep posting, keep talking and bounce ideas etc off us if it helps you?

[slavetofilofax]

It sounds like making the first step will be hard for you, and imo, doing something that is very hard is a sign of strength, not weakness.

[MillyR]

I feel that I have resolved some of my issues but I also felt that I missed out on DD's early years and that I don't have all the memories of her that I have of DS. When I see video footage of her I realise that the whole situation was so different to the dark time in my mind at the time.

Perhaps if I had gone to my GP or midwife (I deliberately didn't fill in the PND sheet that is given to all new mothers by my NHS) I would have had a much better time when DD was little.

That is where the regret lies. I don't know if it was worth it just for the sake of job applications.

I think people with mental health problems often learn coping mechanisms, but it is hard to know if you can learn those yourself or if you need outside support.

[Likeaheadlesschicken]

Thanks all, thank god for mumsnet! I think Samaritans or one of the other helplines listed might be my first port of call, then depending on the level of support/advice they give making that first step might give me the confidence to go to my GP. Thanks again.

[squeakytoy]

You are most definately not admitting to a weakness. Honestly.

Just because you can only feel the illness rather than have physical symptoms, doesnt make it any less of an illness, or anything that is your fault either.

[MyNameIsLola]

Please please please go and see your GP. One period of anxiety in your life is not going to have a negative affect on any future endevours, but not getting help when you need it and allowing it to get worse will have a huge impact upon your health and your everyday life.

I've been suffering with anxiety issues of late and saw the most wonderful doctor yesterday and I can feel the huge dark cloud lifting already, I'm not so naive as to think I'm all better but I finally feel I'm moving forward.

There is, unfortunately, a lot of stigma attached to MH which is awful and very wrong. So many people have problems and need a bit of help to deal with stressful situations in their life. There is no shame in it. You WILL get better if you seek out some help.

Good luck, OP.

[Shakey1500]

Absolutely not a weakness. A verifiable illness. I'm agreeing with squeakytoy again (!) in that posting under a different name on MN (in relevant section- relationships, health could be a step in the right direction.

FWIW I was also reticent about going to my GP but reached a stage where it was inevitable. I wish I'd gone sooner. All the best

[squeakytoy]

There is a lot less stigma now than there used to be. I guarantee a GP will deal with a patient who is suffering some sort of mental health problem at least twice a day, and very little is actually put onto your records, as I know from personal experience.

There are many ways of treating problems, and not necessarily medication. Sometimes, just getting it out in the open to your GP, or even to anonymous strangers in a place like this can be enough to reassure you that what you are feeling is not permanent, and can be fixed.

I suffered years of panic attacks, and one day stumbled across a forum that was purely for anxiety sufferers and I cannot believe how much that helped me, more than any medication had done for the last ten years. I still get them, but I can now work through them and not be convinced I am about to drop dead..