I am seeking MN's confirmation that I am not being unreasonable in advance of DP getting home and adopting his usual approach of implying that I am being spectacularly unreasonable and demanding.
DP is not a bit drinker and, to be fair, doesn't go out all that often for purely social reasons. However, at this time of year he does tend to have work drinks/meals at least once a week. On the rare occasions that he does have a reasonable amount to drink he seems to lose the ability to communicate/keep to an arrangement and if I get the hump about it he acts all outraged and indignant as though I am some high-maintenance, domineering hussy. I should say that I have never, ever whinged about him going out or rung demanding that he come home at a certain time, so he really doesn't have much to complain about on that front.
So today he was out all day on a work jolly which was supposed to finish in the afternoon - he was quite clear that he wouldn't be late home and would probably be back before DS and I. DS (2) is fairly dad-obsessed at the moment so I always try to make sure he knows on the way home whether or not DP will be home in time to see him before bed, otherwise we have massive amounts of whinging and "where's my daddy gone?"-ing. Today I had no reason to think DP wouldn't be home so I kept saying 'he'll be back soon'.
DP then rang at about 7.15 (DS usually goes to bed between about 7.30 and 8) to say it had gone on later than expected but he was on his way home. He gave me a very detailed itinerary of his journey and said he would be home about 8.30 so if I kept DS up a little bit late he could still see him briefly before bed. DS was pretty perky so I said this was fine and started an evening of intensive entertaining. DS started getting silly but I stupidly kept thinking DP would be home in a few minutes and it wouldn't be fair to suddenly tell DS he couldn't wait up for his dad after all. 8.30 came and went and DS went into full-on rampage mode. I assumed DP was just a few minutes late. 8.45 came and I decided enough was enough - I couldn't get through to DP and was just about to put DS to bed when I got an urgent call from a colleague. By the time I had finished dealing with that (while following DS around trying to stop him climbing the walls) it was nearly 9.
I rang DP and asked how far away he was because DS really needed to go to bed. He gave me a very convoluted story of trains and lifts to stations that was clearly designed to make me think that he was the victim of circumstances but when I got to the bottom of it, it turned out that he had gone for a drink with a colleague about half-way through the journey and was still about 45 minutes away. They had also got food - I hadn't eaten as I was expecting him home for dinner. When I pointed out that this was information that I could have done with as I could have then put DS to bed at an almost-reasonable time rather than keeping him hanging on in expectation of seeing his dad, all I got was "okay" in response to everything I said. I could almost hear the eye-rolling going on at the other end of the phone.
Now he will come home and be all offended that I could even suggest he has been remotely unreasonable, and it will somehow be presented as me being demanding.
So am I demanding? Or is it entirely reasonable to expect that if someone suggests keeping a 2 year-old up late to see them, they will then phone and retract that suggestion if their train is delayed or if they accidentally fall into a pub and have beer forcibly poured down their throat?
If I had put DS to bed at a normal time I could actually have had a perfectly pleasant evening with a decent meal and a couple of hours to myself to MN get things done. Instead I have had an evening with a rampaging and over-excited toddler, followed by a hasty beans on toast because I was too hungry to cook anything.
I should warn you that I am utterly convinced of my reasonableness and will probably strop and flounce if the MN jury disagrees. 
AIBU?
to think that the word DP was looking for was "sorry", rather than "okay"?
TandB · 12/10/2011 21:41
[decides to assume hairylights is DP's colleague and in the pub with him and therefore obviously would say that]
Hassled - not steaming from the ears exactly, just slightly frothy with righteous indignation. And yes, I am kicking myself for not just cracking on with bedtime but I assumed he would be there any minute. It is so rare that he gets drunk that every time it does happen I tend to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe what he says about timings/intentions.
You would think after 11 years I might know better.....
No you're definitely NBU. This is the kind of thing my dh would do. The elaborating of a series of events solely designed to scupper his chances of Getting Home Without A Few More Scoops. Followed swiftly by the (actually quite clever) ability to turn the entire situation on it's head with the end result being- I am the unreasonable one.
I bought him one of those yellow what-look-like-mini-car-registration-doobries that says Sorry so in the event of him knowing he is blatantly in the wrong and needing to apologise but not quite being able to bring himself to utter the actual word- he can hold it up in front of him and look sheepish
I completely agree with you am too scared not to
I would have my cats bum mouth at the ready for his return
Leave him! It's amazing how otherwise perfectly rational and intelligent men lose the ability to phone home and actually say "I'm going to be late(r)" when faced with beer...
In the morning when DS wakes up at an ungodly hour say "go to Daddy, he missed you last night"
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