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to be upset that someone anonymous has reported me to social services about the welfare of my daughter?

(174 Posts)
BlueKangaroo22 Wed 12-Oct-11 14:29:37

They knocked my door this morning.
They said they had recieved anonymous information saying my home is dirty, that I am not feeding my daughter (she is 13 weeks old and weighs over 14lb) that she has oral thrush (she did, long since cleared up) nappy rash (she just has a sore bum has she has done since she was born, all I can do really is put cream on) cradle cap (which we are currently in process of trying to clear)

The thing is, I think it is my mum. She disagrees with the fact that a couple of times we have had her babysat. and last week, with good reason i tried her on baby rice, it obviously wasnt right for her so i havent given her any since then.
I have spoken to her and she has denyed it but it is awful to say but I cannot think of anyone else who would do this.
She says when she spoke to the hv at her work with regards to the weaning thing, she gave her my name so it might be from that, so where do the allegations come from then??

I'm so angry and upset, I don't know why someone would do this. For the record the woman from the social said she seemed fine to her, happy etc.

fourkids Wed 12-Oct-11 14:36:14

no YANBU. poor you, especially if your mum has reported you for unfounded reasons sad I would be a mixture of distraught/confused/livid/etc

On the positive side, isn't it good that SS have responded to an anonymous report, and promptly investigated it? And good that they have gone away happy with the care you are giving your daughter smile

AKMD Wed 12-Oct-11 14:37:09

YABU. I know it's embarrassing but thank goodness that someone cares enough about you and your daughter to try to get you help when they thought they spotted problems. They were wrong, as you're fine, but I very much doubt it was malicious.

BTW, why would SS care about cradle cap?! can you even stop cradle cap? confused

AKMD Wed 12-Oct-11 14:37:50

YANBU to be upset BTW, it must have been a real shock, but don't be massively cross.

BlueKangaroo22 Wed 12-Oct-11 14:38:27

The thing is though I am not struggling at all and all DP's family are impressed with how well im doing!

kelly2000 Wed 12-Oct-11 14:38:34

Why would she give the HV your name?

SusanneLinder Wed 12-Oct-11 14:41:38

To be honest, while I would be upset, I would rather someone (even Social Services) knocked on my door and checked everything was okay, rather I be struggling to cope. PND is common or just the overwhelmingness(is that a word) of being a new mum. Mind You I do work for SS so I do know how they work. smile

Your mum would be better placed giving you a hand, rather than criticising you though. However I do not blame her for disagreeing with you on baby rice.Far far too early for that. Why did you think it would help? Is your baby slow to sleep and you are finding it difficult to cope?

Maybe you do need a bit of help.

OchAyeTheNooPal Wed 12-Oct-11 14:41:55

why would your own mother report you? Do you have a good relationship with her generally? Even if she disagreed with how you care for your DD why didn't she talk to you first so you could have set her straight. It just seems so extreme.

BlueKangaroo22 Wed 12-Oct-11 14:42:10

Because she questioned me giving dd baby rice on one occasion, she consulted her hv at where she works even after i told her i had asked my HV first. I have no idea why it was necessary to give her my name.

BlueKangaroo22 Wed 12-Oct-11 14:44:10

she was showing signs of being ready, but she kept spitting it out so i gave her no more.

2BoysTooLoud Wed 12-Oct-11 14:45:01

I would be cross with my mum if reported to soc services for cradle cap/ cluttered house etc. [My kids both had cradle cap and my house.. cluttered].
I am glad social worker happy. Perhaps your mum should chat to you / offer help rather than gossiping to health visitors.

hiddenhome Wed 12-Oct-11 14:46:00

Anybody who reported me to social services would never get to speak to me again angry It's one of the most stressful things that can happen to a parent and a totally vile thing to do in the case of a mother who is not abusive or neglectful.

A lot of very malicious people go around reporting to SS and it's just sick.

hophophippidtyhop Wed 12-Oct-11 14:47:52

best way I found to get rid of cradle cap I read on here - wash hair as normal, then comb through hair with a nit comb. It worked really well.Hth.

witherhills Wed 12-Oct-11 14:51:25

do you think maybe your mum has been just chatting to this hv and maybe the hv took it upon herself to check you out?

thederkinsdame Wed 12-Oct-11 14:52:15

Ask her. I would, otherwise you will always wonder.

Cradle cap - best thing to use is a spot of olive oil, massaged into the scalp for a while. The next day use a dry flannel to gently rub it off. Don't rub too hard - it will take a few goes, but it does get rid of it.

diyvspse Wed 12-Oct-11 14:52:35

Unfortunately it's too late to report your own mother to social services - but she has treated he own daughter appallingly.

MamaLazarou Wed 12-Oct-11 14:52:40

So sorry to hear this, BlueKangaroo - it must have been so upsetting for you.

Better to have 100 false alarms if the procedures helps to prevent one real case of neglect or abuse though.

MamaLazarou Wed 12-Oct-11 14:52:53

And no, YANBU.

BlueKangaroo22 Wed 12-Oct-11 14:53:44

wither she says she only gave my name, unless she is not being entirely truthful. i really hate to say that about my own mother.

pigletmania Wed 12-Oct-11 14:59:51

Sounds likely it's someone very close who knows these details about your dd. Yes it's good that ss acted quickly but not good if your in op position

ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse Wed 12-Oct-11 15:00:17

What an upsetting experience for you. Like someone else said, if someone reported me to social services I would never speak to them again. Glad that SS saw that the report was unnecessary though, hope you are ok.

Debs75 Wed 12-Oct-11 15:00:24

Cradle cap and nappy rash are just normal baby things, they shouldn't be a red flag unless your babies bottom is literally bleeding and scabby.
Thrush happens and an untidy house is your concern, I doubt your dd notices yet.
I would however hold off with any weaning yet, she won't be displaying all the signs she is ready and her digestive system will struggle with foods she doesn't need.
That said it all sounds a bit harsh to call SS in you. I would ask are you sure it was your mum but all 4 things sound like something only your mum or close family would know about. Maybe she didn't realise the HV would follow it up

Planetofthegrapes Wed 12-Oct-11 15:01:40

Your mother, does she work in a health care setting? I hope she can't access your medical records.

I imagine you won't be asking her to babysit for you again, let alone open the door to her.

fourkids Wed 12-Oct-11 15:03:33

yeah right...I don't somehow think HV reported you to SS for giving your 13 week old baby baby rice!

I should look elsewhere if I were you...

kelly2000 Wed 12-Oct-11 15:04:56

Can a health visitor make an anonymous report though about someone they know in a professional capacity? Also why would the HV say your home was dirty?

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