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to be anxious about letting dd (4) out of my sight?

(8 Posts)
ghostiewoo Tue 11-Oct-11 22:51:00

DD is coming to the age now where her friends have started having a bit of independence. One of her friends on the street who is the same age plays out by himself and has been asking if dd can play with him. She hasn't yet (he's only asked twice and we were going out) but I would only really feel comfortable with it if I could see her from the window.
Also she is getting quite a few party invites where parents don't all stay. The thought of leaving her at a party terrifies me tbh. Most have it at the local playbarn and the gate to outside is just left swinging open most of the time.
DD is my eldest so to those of you with older kids - what age did you let them have a little freedom and trust them to be sensible and not wander off?

MowlemB Tue 11-Oct-11 23:09:18

My four (almost 5) year old DD is my second, so I think they do things younger.

Yes, I do drop her off at playcentres and birthday parties etc and collect at the end.

Yes, I do let her play on the large shared driveway in front of the house. She is not allowed on to the pavement, or to go off places. The key difference is that she has got an older sister to look after her.

However, I did not let DD1 do these things at this age. I think second children do grow up quicker and often want to do these things earlier because they see older siblings doing it. Also, having other siblings with lives / parties of their own makes it harder to stay because when they're the oldest, no-one minds you bring the younger baby with you, but people do object to you bring the 8 year old child to a four year old's party.

As to what age I think children are ready to be left? I don't think it is an age, it is a maturity. Its when you can trust your child to stay / not go off / ask for help when needed / do as their told / take themselves to the loo, look after their own physical needs etc.

AnxiousElephant Tue 11-Oct-11 23:24:04

I left dd1 at a party at 4 because she was very sensible and reliable in not wandering off.
I only ever let her play directly outside the house where I can see her and she is 5.9yo now and we live on an enclosed camp. Not because she isn't sensible but she wouldn't cope if she got hurt at the park, or other children were mean etc.

witherhills Tue 11-Oct-11 23:39:02

Not a chance I would leave my DS. Went to a birthday party in local park recently and he ran away 4 times
He really is a bolter, I watch in amazement at all these parents letting their 3/4 year olds scoot off ahead off them.
No chance

worraliberty Tue 11-Oct-11 23:42:51

It really does depend on the child but yes, I would have left mine at parties at that age as long as the parents had my phone number.

Playing out really depends on a multitude of things like where you live and what the other kids are like for example.

mummytotwoboys Tue 11-Oct-11 23:43:05

I hate leaving my 4 year old at parties but I have done it (at someones house). i wouldnt leave them at a soft play as i think the birthday kids parents will be busy doing other things but i WOULD take the younger two and use them as an excuse to stay and pretend not to watch IYSWIM. He also wants to play out front with local children but i encourage them into our garden to play as they are older than him and like to run over the road and things and he is my PFB so im totally paranoid about the road and things. This is a bit unfair to him as he is a lovely kid, very sensible and unlikely to wander off but I just cant shake the thought that something might happen. Hopefully this will get better when he is a bit bigger but I would have thought about age 6 would be ok.

SpectralHarrassmentPandaPop Wed 12-Oct-11 00:00:19

I don't mind leaving her at house parties if I know the parents. DD is pretty sensible and isn't one for bolting but I guess I'm thinking what if? And trying to balance that against the fact that I can't keep her next to me forever and I don't want to be overprotective when she is capable of doing things iyswim?

SpectralHarrassmentPandaPop Wed 12-Oct-11 00:02:14

Soft play bothers me even taking her on her own tbh. She doesn't want me following her round and it's so busy that I end up looking for her all the time and if she did slip out the gate she'd be long gone by the time I noticed!

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