We both work fulltime, he works an hour away and i work from home. This means I also do school run and organise 3 kids ready for school (7, 10 and 16). So why do I and the kids do 95% of the housework, diy and shopping?
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AIBU?
AIBU to expect my OH to help more around the house
39 replies
amy175 · 11/10/2011 12:42
OP posts:
minxofmancunia ·
11/10/2011 12:53
agree with all cestlavies suggestions.
The dcs should be able to sort themselves out, get the youngers ones stuff ready the night before and they just get themselves up washed and dressed plus breakfast things within their reach. plus bags packed by them THE NIGHT BEFORE.
dd does this and she's 5. All I have to do it her hair and make sure she's brushed her teeth.
Shopping delivery and cleaner and pay for house maintenance stuff. I threatened to do this and now dh does it all 
sunshineandbooks ·
11/10/2011 13:11
One of the main reason women get so resentful of taking on more than their fair share of domestic arrangements is not because of the physical chores involved but the amount of mental energy expended in having to remember everything and organising solutions.
It's not just buying the milk for tomorrow's breakfast, it's about having to remember to check the milk situation and see that you need to buy some for tomorrow's breakfast, and knowing that if you don't there won't be any milk in the fridge for tomorrow's breakfast. The DH in this scenario has probably never even spent 5 seconds thinking about this, just magically finding that there is enough milk for breakfast, while the OP has hours of her week taken up with just this sort of task (do we need to buy toilet rolls or toothpaste this week? I'd better just check), all of which takes far more time than the 5 minutes doing an online shop or even going shopping.
The OP is spending roughly the same hours of work as her DH, and does the school run while he is commuting. That in itself is reason enough for her DH to do more, quite aside of the SN status of her DC. They should both have equal free time.
I'd recommend you both reading Wifework by Susan Maushart, which should open both your eyes to the tasks required to keep a normal family household functioning effectively and explain to your DH why so much of what you do is invisible but would be felt hugely if you stopped doing it.
Good luck. Hopefully he's a nice guy who just hasn't thought about it enough. 
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blackeyedsusan ·
11/10/2011 13:17
well, you do your share and let him do his. (ie his own washing/ironing cooking if he is out when you cook. don't buty his things from the supermarket, let him organise it himself. if he complains, well you were too busy working. get workmen in to do quotes for diy stuff. it might shame him into doing it himself. especially if they turn up when he is there
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