to feel that the mess is getting out of control thanks to DH?

[ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse]

My DH has never been the tidiest person but things are getting out of hand now and I am really struggling to keep on top of all the washing, cooking, cleaning, tidying etc, with all the tidying up I have to do after DH.

For starters, he won't clean anything. Ever. He will just about put his plate in the dishwasher after a meal but that is it. If our youngest is in his highchair and DH gets him out, he won't clean the highchair. If I ask him why he hasn't cleaned it he just says "Well I didn't know it needed doing". He leaves cups, glasses, packets, boxes, paperwork, shoes, coats, bags, etc etc piled wherever he goes. The dining table gets piled up on a daily basis with his "stuff". I am expected to cook a meal every evening and dish it up for the kids and he wont' clear the table, so that's yet another thing I have to do on top of sorting 3 kids out.

He never puts any clothes away. Our bedroom floor is literally covered in his clothes, and I mean covered. I have long since given up putting his clothes away for him. I do do his washing and ironing but am debating giving up doing that as he literally takes it upstairs, dumps it on the bedroom floor and he just kicks is around the floor with the rest of his clothes and occasionally gets a big armful of stuff and puts it in the wash basket for me to wash, dirty or clean.

I feel like I never sit down during the day and don't stop tidying yet even in an hour each morning before he leaves for work he manages to make the place filthy and untidy. this morning the house is awful, stuff of his everywhere. I need to do a lot of cleaning again today but it's going to take me at least an hour to tidy all his stuff first. It doesn't help that our toddler is into everything and is quite hard work. I just feel that I am left to do everything, and that he doesn't think, or consider me at all. He was off work yesterday and spent the day dozing or at the computer, whilst I ran around doing everything.

Oh and he regularly calls me lazy, yet if he stopped being messy and helped out a bit in the house it would be a lot better. I am so annoyed.

[AnyPhantomFucker]

Are you married to a 15 yo ?

You are your own worst enemy, you know

There is no point giving you any advice if you knowingly run yourself ragged after a lazy, selfish, entitled fucker

Change yourself first, or you have no hope of changing your role from one as martyred domestic appliance

[plupervert]

Start throwing clothes away?

Make him move out, then invite him round to see what life is like without him?

[ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse]

I do the housework as I don't want my kids to grow up in a dirty, messy, embarrassing house, AnyPhantom. I try to do as little as possible for him these days, but obviously I cannot just strike and refuse to do anything.

[cheekeymonster]

He puts his plate IN the dishwasher? You are one up from me, mine will put his ON the dishwasher!
I suggest you get everything he leaves lying around and put it all into black bin liners, if he doesn't like it then at least they are all packed ready for him to flounce off and find some other sucker.
Seriously good luck, I know how you feel - in fact how are we finding time to write this?

[PhilipJFry]

He frequently calls YOU lazy? What unicorn-occupied fantasyland is he living in?!

[GypsyMoth]

Maybe 'dinner' should get spilt on his stuff on the table then!

[AnyPhantomFucker]

No, you just said you spent yesterday running around after him while he had a day off work

so you do do too much for him these days

are you going to start defending him now, because if you are, I'm orf

[bringbacksideburns]

Go on strike.
And don't do any of his laundry until he gets off his arse?

[ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse]

The thing is, I've tried striking before and all that happened is we ended up living in a filthy house with no clean clothes and an empty fridge. Striking doesn't work with him. And after a while I end up admitting defeat as, well, there's only a certain amount of muck and mess most of us can put with isn't there?

The last time he called me lazy I told him that our marriage was over, and he did apologise, I think he knew I was serious. I want him to pull his weight but I've tried so many things to get him to, but he won't. He just won't.

[mollymole]

Just so that you can keep your sanity and have a decent home to live in why not have 'his box' in each room and every day throw everything that he has left out in that room into 'his box' for him to deal with.
My youngest brother kept his bedroom like a rubbish dump and in the end my mother gathered everything into a big, black bin-liner and threw it out of the
window, unfortunately for my brother the bin men came that day !!! He learned his lesson

[Snorbs]

"but obviously I cannot just strike and refuse to do anything."

Sorry, it's not obvious to me. Why can't you go on strike?

[AnyPhantomFucker]

So he stonewalls you

And refuses to do his fair share of family life

Has he any redeeming features ?

I would fail to see any good in a man like this. Perhaps you would be better without having him around.

[ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse]

Mollymole, now that sounds like a plan!

Snorbs, if I went on strike my kids would have to live in a shit-pit with nothing in the fridge, and no clean clothes, as he wouldn't do it and would just swan off to work each day.

[loveglove]

Put all of his shite in a bag, and put it on his side of the bed. ALL HIS SHITE.

Dirty dishes, clean/dirty clothes, his computer...everything.

Everytime he makes a mess - if he leaves crap on the table, sweep it into a bag in one swift motion and dump it on his pillow.

[LornaGoon]

How about a couple of massive plastic storage containers, and stuff them full with all his clothes (clean or dirty), all the dirty plates he refuses to clean up properly, paper work, and what ever else crap he leaves around and leave it for him to sort out. At least you wont be falling over it around the house.

He probably wont respond to you going on strike if he's not bothered about his own squallor.

That is of course assuming you've actually talked to him about it in the first place.

[ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse]

Anyphantom, yes I do think this at times, well quite often at the moment really. Unless he changes bigtime it's probably going to come to that at some point. He won't ever talk about things in an adult fashion, he won't respond if I strike, splitting will probably be the only long term option.

[AnyPhantomFucker]

Where did he learn that women are in existence to just serve men ?

Why did you marry a man like that ? This is obviously not a new attitude.

More to the point, why do you want to stay married to man like this, now you are fully aware of the depths of his selfishness ?

[GypsyMoth]

Just gather it all in bin bags and pile in the garage....

[thruppence]

Just lose stuff. Do everybody's washing but his unless it's in the washing basket.

DH learnt his lesson when he lost his tax disc (accused me of throwing it away) as he'd 'left it on the work surface 3 weeks ago and now it's not here'

[ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse]

I've tried putting his stuff into binbags before and dumping it on his side of the bed, but he just gets annoyed about it and it ends in a big argument, usually with him calling me lazy for not putting it away properly.

[lenak]

You go on strike as far as he is concerned - the only tidying of his stuff that you do is to box or bag it up as others have suggested - or if you have a spare room just dump it all in there and close the door.

Don't do his laundry or ironing - buy a seperate basket for his stuff so you don't even have to sort it.

Stop cooking his meals - just cook for you and the DC.

[AnyPhantomFucker]

Are you frightened of him ?

[Becaroooo]

He sounds like a stroppy teenager!!!

The first time he called me lazy would have been the last.

Sorry.