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to think that i have been a very bad mum

(140 Posts)
onetoomanytoo Mon 10-Oct-11 23:33:58

ok, this is a bit tongue in cheek,
but here goes

the bad bits :
i smoked( 5 a day) while i was pg
i drank, ( one very rarely) while pg
dd was born weighing 6 lb 4 oz
was told she was very small and would always be slightly under the norm
i formula fed
no brest feeding
she slept in her own moses basket and then cot from birth,
we didn't do, baby wearing, blw or ec
if she cried we left her too it
she had baby rice at 3 months
she was left to sleep in the car if she happened to be there, ( always one of us nearby)
at age ten she was ridng her pony on her own, in the woods,
at ten she was crossing a busy main road, on her own to get to said pony
at 12 she was riding said pony on the roads ( having passed her riding and road safety exam)

the good bits :

she is now 18
is she beautiful
she is taller than me and i am 5ft 7in
she is at college doing a science based diploma
she is going onto uni next year to do a science based and very hard degree.
she is clever
she is sensible
she is road smart
she is people smart
she excels in her chosen very physical sport
she has no allergies
she has no food tolerences

so, my observations, did the good bits happen because of or inspite of the bad bits?

none of this is stealth boasting, i promise you, just some musings from my odd brain

onetoomanytoo Mon 10-Oct-11 23:35:08

typo alert, she is beautiful, d'oh!

worraliberty Mon 10-Oct-11 23:41:08

No not a bad mum

But from one poster to another, can I just ask you to pass the sick bucket? Many thanks grin

AnnieLobeseder Mon 10-Oct-11 23:44:34

Not stealth boasting, no, just plain outright boasting.

I'm sure you're proud of your DD, and you should be, she sounds lovely.

But why did you feel the need to share all this? Especially with the odd thread title? As PP said, pass the sick bucket!

Feminine Mon 10-Oct-11 23:47:46

Well, it has to be the most apt MN name I have seen for a while!

onetoomanytoo Mon 10-Oct-11 23:50:40

really not boasting, but yes, very proud of her,

it is thoughts raised from reading mumsnet and other forums like it,

this whole parenting thing, molly coddling babies, babywearing, blw, ec, i mean, what i am trying to say is, millions of babies survive perfectly well without all this intense parenting,
who is to say which is wrong and which is right
ok, not putting my case very well, long tiring day

and the thread titel is because the more i read mumsnet, the more i feel i must have been a bad mum , thats all

SpectralHarrassmentPandaPop Mon 10-Oct-11 23:51:25

What's ec? And is it bad to ride a pony age 10?

worraliberty Mon 10-Oct-11 23:55:07

I'm teasing you but I do get what you're saying.

The thing is, MN is very intense really...lots of people condensed.

I'm sure the wider world isn't really like it is on here, or at least I bloody hope not cos if so, I'm dreading becoming a MIL grin

Also you have to take a lot of what you read with a pinch of salt. For example, how does anyone really know that the pregnant woman banging on and on about not smoking for example, isn't puffing away on a fag as she types?

The truth is no-one knows, so while MN is interesting I wouldn't take anything you read here to heart...or anywhere else on the internet for that matter.

I've seen far too many liars outed in the past <bitter lol>

onetoomanytoo Tue 11-Oct-11 00:09:49

spectral, ec is something to do with not putting your baby in nappies, but learning from signs they give that the need a wee or poo and getting them on the potty or loo quickly, well i think thats what it means, i stand to be corrected if ness.

MrsStephenFry Tue 11-Oct-11 00:23:26

So you're actually just having a pop at those who try to follow sensible advice from experts? Why? Are you so insecure you need to ridicule others?

And you haven't even asked a proper aibu. :-/

dreamingbohemian Tue 11-Oct-11 00:23:30

I get what you're saying, and I find it massively reassuring, thank you smile

PrimaBallerina Tue 11-Oct-11 00:30:43

Am I parenting 'intensely' because I BF and (am trying to) BLW? confused

Each to their own. Your DD sounds lovely and you sound like a lovely mum...

...you also sound a bit defensive of some of the choices you made - there's really no need smile.

winnybella Tue 11-Oct-11 00:36:36

Hmm, I don't see anything terrible in the list of your supposed parental failings, tbh.

Few cigs a day and an occasional drink- meh, in France at least the doctor wouldn't told you off for that <personal experience>

Formula feeding, baby sleeping on her own-again meh

She was relatively autonomous at 10-great, well done.

Bit of stealth boasting, I think...

winnybella Tue 11-Oct-11 00:37:00

wouldn't tell you off

runningwilde Tue 11-Oct-11 06:25:23

I dont really get what you want from this? I personally find smoking when preg completely disgusting and selfish to be honest - and I say this as an ex smoker who found giving up so hard.

I'm a big fan of breastfeeding too.

snailoon Tue 11-Oct-11 06:32:07

I think it's interesting that you only brag about how smart and successful your daughter is.
You should have added the bits about being kind, considerate, friendly, empathetic and open minded.

ladyintheradiator Tue 11-Oct-11 06:35:54

Dammit, so because I didn't smoke when pregnant, wean my children weeks before the NHS advise it safe to do so, and ignore their cries (wtf) their futures are truly hopeless. Whoops.

chandellina Tue 11-Oct-11 06:42:33

Yeah, I thought bf-ing and blw gave me a guarantee my child will get at least a PhD

libelulle Tue 11-Oct-11 06:47:11

Your dd not having allergies is obviously down to your brilliant parenting hmm Do you have any tips for me? I'm a bit of a failure in that department- through my utter negligence, I have a child with a dairy allergy.

Proudnreallyveryscary Tue 11-Oct-11 07:07:09

My dc are ugly, thick n'er do wells. If only I had smoked during pregnancy.

Moominsarescary Tue 11-Oct-11 07:17:53

16 years ago no one would have thought twice about doing any of those things, 8 years ago the maternity unit still had a smoking room.

Ds1 is 16 and noone ever mentioned blw, children were weened from 3 months noone fainted if you didn't want to bf and there wasn't Internet websites where people judged everything you did

Proudnreallyveryscary Tue 11-Oct-11 07:21:57

You have a choice to go on said websites Moomin, and said websites are also extremely supportive and reassuring.

Just because there were smoking rooms 8 years ago (really?) doesn't mean it was okay to smoke! Maybe in the 1960s/70s women genuinely didn't know the risks but not in the last 20 odd years.

I bottle fed my children and weaned them at 4 months and all was well. But I wouldn't come on here advocating or boasting about this - it's just what I did.

MmeLindor. Tue 11-Oct-11 07:24:59

Oh, don't deliberately misunderstand what she is trying to say.

It is the "Oh, that never did us no harm" argument, and of course there is a bit of sense in it.

And it is interesting - it shows the changes in thinking over the past 18 years when it comes to parenting.

Even that we call it "parenting" - back then you had a baby and got on with it.

Although that is likely a bit simplified.

Back then you would have been judged for other things. For picking the child up whenever it cried, for not having the baby out of nappies by 18mths, for "making a rod for your own back" ...

People have always judged parents, it is just that it is online now instead of gossip over the garden gate.

TheOldestCat Tue 11-Oct-11 07:25:26

Wow, OP. Your DD must have got the allergies my DC shouldn't have got because I breastfed. hmm

am off to get the dictionary to look up the word 'risk'.

NinkyNonker Tue 11-Oct-11 07:31:47

Silly me, by not ignoring my daughter's cries I thought I was being kind and empathetic. I hadn't realised I was actually molly coddling my helpless, totally dependent small child. Bad bad mother, must stop being so intense and actually making an effort. Tsk.

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