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to ask about cheating?

(43 Posts)
JaneFonda Mon 10-Oct-11 18:18:24

Would you think that hand holding and cuddling someone else (either whilst drunk or sober) is cheating?

effingwotnots Mon 10-Oct-11 18:19:33

yes! In the sense it is betrayal.

FabbyChic Mon 10-Oct-11 18:20:30

Family? No.

A work colleague, you betcha.

ImperialBlether Mon 10-Oct-11 18:20:42

Yes I would.

MissPenteuth Mon 10-Oct-11 18:20:52

Depends if it's purely friendly or more flirty. And even if it's the latter, it comes down to how the person's partner would feel about it.

I go by the rule that if you'd feel guilty admitting to doing something, you probably know it's "wrong".

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 10-Oct-11 18:21:36

Depends on who it is and the situation. If it's an old pal and you've got your arm around them, cuddling in a friendly way, not cheating. If it's more furtive and the 'cuddling' is getting personal, probably cheating.

squeakytoy Mon 10-Oct-11 18:22:58

depends who it is, and why they were doing it..

MangoMonster Mon 10-Oct-11 18:24:09

I might hug someone? What's cuddling? Prolonged body contact. I wouldn't say hand holding or cuddling is cheating exactly but very disrepectful to their partners.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls Mon 10-Oct-11 18:24:19

Depends who and why.
If a friend's upset (either sex) then it's more than likely I'll give them a hug.
But cuddling implies something else.

squeakytoy Mon 10-Oct-11 18:25:42

It also depends on how it was seen... ie, if it was in a photo, it could just have been posed for the photo...

There are a multitude of different scenarios and reasons, so without more info, it is impossible to judge.

SharrieTBGinzatome Mon 10-Oct-11 18:26:01

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JaneFonda Mon 10-Oct-11 18:29:23

DP went out on Friday night, got very drunk (which is fine, not a problem because he definitely deserved a night off, things have been very stressful). He ended up walking back to his friend's house holding hands with a woman he vaguely knows and cuddling her.

I completely trust that nothing else happened. I suppose what I'm asking is, should I be upset? I am a bit peeved, but I'm not utterly devastated; there are much bigger things going on in our lives right now.

I just don't really know how to feel, am I being dramatic?

squeakytoy Mon 10-Oct-11 18:32:06

On their own? or with a group of friends.. and did the hand holding etc stop once they got back to the friends house?

I ask because I have merrily wandered up the road with male friends, mucking about and holding hands or with arms around each other, but it has purely been larking around... nothing else.

If it had been my husband, and he was doing the same, again, if it was just high/drunk spirits, it would be different to if it was a prelude leading up to something else.

I want to say no, but for some reason I just remembered something that happened 18 years ago with my ex and his 'friend' so I'm saying yes.

Haven't thought about this in years but I'm as annoyed now as I was then.

It was my boyfriend's birthday and he had a party. I turned up at his house an hour before the party started and was told to go through to his bedroom.

Where I found his brother sitting on the chair and my boyfriend laid on the bed with his arm around a girl I had never seen before, who turned out to be his friend from somewhere miles aways who was staying the night. He had known her longer than he had known me, by about a year, and apparently they had always been cuddly together.

Neither one of them made any effort to move and I was seething with teenage-girl jealousy.

She spent the entire night sitting on his knee and feeding him bits of food and talking about things that had happened before he met me. I felt very excluded. After the party I spent the night alone in his bed. He spent the night asleep next to her in a room full of other people, including his two younger brothers.

So I doubt they had sex, but I still felt cheated on. I bet he kissed the bitch too. Bastard.

Haven't thought about that in years but remembering it now I really did feel as bad as if he had cheated on me. Which he did later on.

SharrieTBGinzatome Mon 10-Oct-11 18:33:40

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SquishyCinnamonSwirls Mon 10-Oct-11 18:35:03

Sounds symptomatic of other things.
I'd be annoyed but it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

Shakirasma Mon 10-Oct-11 18:35:05

DH and I have very clear rules about what constitutes cheating.
Basically it is doing anything anything at all which you wouldn't want your parner to find out about or which would upset them.

Obviously this is different for evey couple, everybody has different boundaries. But in your case, as you are upset, then a line has been crossed. It is entirely up to you how you deal with it.

WiiUndead Mon 10-Oct-11 18:35:30

It is betrayal yes, unless family!

JaneFonda Mon 10-Oct-11 18:37:04

The stressful situation we are in at the moment is that our premature twin girls are still in hospital. sad They are gradually getting stronger, but it is a long and slow process and it's just tough to deal with.

I have no problem with him going out or anything, just my friends had mixed opinions on it - some said that it was just hand holding and not a big deal at all, others said it was something to worry about. confused

mousesma Mon 10-Oct-11 18:38:28

No not cheating as such but it is disrespectful and is worse if sober. I could easily forgive my DH having a few too many and getting a bit over familiar as a one off.

SharrieTBGinzatome Mon 10-Oct-11 18:41:07

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EricNorthmansMistress Mon 10-Oct-11 18:41:15

I was about to minimise it but then I read your last post sad That's pretty shit of him. Honestly, I wouldn't say it is cheating if no sexual contact happened but it's very disrespectful. He needs to make sure he is never in a position where that might happen again, with her or anyone.

coccyx Mon 10-Oct-11 18:43:35

He should be holding your hand and cuddling you.

SharrieTBGinzatome Mon 10-Oct-11 18:44:43

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SharrieTBGinzatome Mon 10-Oct-11 18:47:24

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