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AIBU for dumping him for cancelling constantly? (sorry long)

(16 Posts)
DutchGirly Mon 10-Oct-11 16:58:23

I have recently ended a 10 month relationship as he kept cancelling arrangements at the very last moment.

In June he had a major wobble and said he did not know if he wanted eh relationship to continue, I did not hear from him for two weeks. He then called saying he wanted another chance to try again which I gave him, I did tell him not to cancel arrangements at the last moment anymore as I find it disrespectful.

Since then he has been involved with a major building project in his house, there was no need to had everything done at the very same time except for that he wanted all work to be finished at the same time. He was absolutely obsessed to the point where I did not get to see him for over a week and all he could talk about was building work, which became very tedious and boring after two months especially considering he was moaning how tired he was and how much it was costing him. Initially I was sympathetic, than I thought it was self-inflicted.

Two weeks ago, he was supposed to come for dinner on the Saturday, he cancelled late afternoon, he then did exactly the same on the Sunday. I lost my temper and thanked him for ruining my weekend and hung up. I had scheduled my plans around him and I could have met up with friends instead. I have limited spare time and I am a single mum so my free time is precious to me which he is fully aware of.

On the Thursday he called to say he found my behaviour unreasonable (after giving me the silent treatment) I was upset as my friend died that Tuesday, he did not comment on that but went on and on how selfish I was. I dumped him on the spot after telling him how he had been boring me to death with his obsession with building work and his unwillingness to discuss any other subject. I was extremely hurt he did not even offer his condolences for my friend's death.

I know I have a temper, have I been unreasonable?

Dawndonna Mon 10-Oct-11 17:00:30

Actually, I don't think you have been unreasonable, he sounds a little self absorbed.
Sorry for the loss of your friend.

loveglove Mon 10-Oct-11 17:00:46


slavetofilofax Mon 10-Oct-11 17:01:22

Do you really need to ask if you have been unreasonable?

The only problem is that you didn't dump him sooner.

ChaoticAngelofSamhain Mon 10-Oct-11 17:02:37

YANBU I couldn't be bothered with someone who was messing me around either.

My condolences wrt your friend.

GlitterySkulls Mon 10-Oct-11 17:12:01

sorry to hear about your friend.

the only thing you were unreasonable about was putting up with him this long.
you should have kicked him to the curb long ago smile

SkinnedAlive Mon 10-Oct-11 17:14:57

Sorry to hear about your friend sad

I have had the same - my ones record was 4 cancellations in one week. Often I had left the house and was on my way to meet him. So no, YOU are not being unreasonable - he sounds like a twat.

suburbophobe Mon 10-Oct-11 17:16:26

Thank this man for teaching you a valuable lesson, NEVER plan your life around them!

I can give someone a second chance, maybe even a 3rd, but then I get the message. "He's just not that into me".

suburbophobe Mon 10-Oct-11 17:26:07

Reading your post completely, he sounds a complete asshole! No empathy that your friend died? Horrendous!! And it's all about him? He sounds a control freak too - silent treatment and then making you feel guilty. You should be thankful you have that temper. It's just your boundaries making themselves heard.

Why are you wasting precious time as a single mum (I'm one myself) waiting around for men who are not worth it. How is it affecting your child(ren)?.
Men come and men go, but you and your kid(s) are going to be around for ever.

I NEVER let a man come between me and my son. My child is my absolute nr. 1.

verytellytubby Mon 10-Oct-11 17:36:54

Well done!

DutchGirly Mon 10-Oct-11 17:41:38

Sub, don't worry I don't let a man become between me and my child. I did not plan my life around this man, it is just that I scheduled time in the evening for him as we had arranged this. In the daytime I did fun things with my daughter and met up with a friend for tea. I have quite a busy social life but I need to schedule things as I have no childcare, my child thrives on routine as well so bath/meal/bed time need to be at certain times which is why planning is essential.

I could have met up with other friends/invite them around for dinner but not with the three hours notice given. I am sure he did have things to do like dealing with his idiot builders, however he should have apologised for doing it, say I will make up for it etc none of which was forthcoming. When I did speak to him on Thursday I said I had gone through a tough time with my friend's death to which he replied he did not know about that as he had not spoken to me (well yes cos you gave me the silent treatment)

At no point did he say I am very sorry about your friend's death which is what made me even more upset. Instead he went on how down run he was, how tired he was and how I should have been more supportive as that is what you do in relationship. My friend's death made me more aware how important it is to spend time with loved ones, hence the dumping. Super twat!

I am very sad about my friend, more upset than I thought I would be so I am just going through a tough time. I cried my eyes out at her funeral and I still feel very fragile.

ThePumpkinofDoomandTotalCha0s Mon 10-Oct-11 17:45:52

just on the basis of the title yanbu (unless he's an on call trauma surgeon or out saving lives or something)its v disrespectful to cancel dates repeatedly.

pigletmania Mon 10-Oct-11 18:02:49

Yanbu he does not sound like he wants to be with you, have been too forgiving dump and move on. Life is too short to waste

pigletmania Mon 10-Oct-11 18:05:50

Oops sorry you have dumped no start enjoying life and meet a man who is decent reliable and wants to be with you

AngryBadger Mon 10-Oct-11 18:23:23


"Never make someone a priority in your life if you are merely an option in theirs".

EricNorthmansMistress Mon 10-Oct-11 18:47:09

he's disrespectful
he's childish
he thinks he's boss
he doesn't give a shit about your feelings

DUMP dump dump and avoid. I'm sorry about your friend.

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