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to let facebook know that my "D" H used a prostitute while I'm pregnant

(98 Posts)
GoingToBeSick Mon 10-Oct-11 16:05:23

I dont know this for fact yet, but just logged into his email as registered with something in his name as I already have an account in mine. I find that he has taken out a payday loan for just over £500 without telling me. Knowing that I have £500 if it is needed.
So I checked his browsing history on his internet. He has searched for escorts in our area recently. And this weekend he popped out for something that should have taken a few hours and came back 6 hours later, blaming public transport.

He is in work, I text him what I've found out and he said hes "sorry" hmm about the loan, but being the only earner (I'm a SAHM) he panicked when he wasnt paid properly last month.
Re the escort, he said he was just stupid and that he only searched it.
Being pregnant, and with a small child, sex is practically non-existant. But it was with DC1 too, not sure what he expected.

Dont want to drip feed, so will mention that we had issues very early in our relationship, but long before marriage and kids.

I'm not going to tell the world until I'm sure, but its damn tempting! angry

GoingToBeSick Mon 10-Oct-11 16:07:56

Text from him now (have told him I cannot speak to him as I started crying and DC1 is here):
i didnt go to an escort. i took the loan because we were struggling and i panicked. i'm working as hard as i possibly can for us. do you know how difficult it is?

So hes trying to turn it round on me for being a SAHM and not having a real job?

Thingumy Mon 10-Oct-11 16:10:04

Don't don't do the facebook thing.

Switch your pc off and talk to your husband when he gets home.

GypsyMoth Mon 10-Oct-11 16:10:42

Were you struggling and is he right? Did he not get a full wage?

worraliberty Mon 10-Oct-11 16:10:46

To be fair, those escort things pop up a lot when you're browsing even 'normal' websites so I suppose it's not beyond the realms of possibility they would be in the browsing history.

Faffalina Mon 10-Oct-11 16:11:00

I don't think blasting it about on FB would help much at all. You really want everyone knowing your business?

KatAndKit Mon 10-Oct-11 16:11:18

yes he does sound like he is making excuses and trying to turn it around on you. Normal men do not do google searches on local prostitutes.
I think there are some serious issues going on that you should have sorted out long ago to be honest.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Mon 10-Oct-11 16:11:25

You would be U to post anything on FB. It sounds as if your dh is struggling to support you all, this doesn't mean he's having a go at you.

Lilyloo Mon 10-Oct-11 16:12:29

Oh dear , whilst i appreciate how upset and angry you are please don't post anything on facebook you could regret later.
You obviously have many issues to sort out , i would be asking him to come straight home tonight with some serious answers.
He could have been paid less but to turn to a pay day loan is very desperate. Especially if you can access the money anyway. This is a very serious issue as the interest rate on those loans is astronomical. I presume you can look at his wage slip to find out how much truth is in this.
I am very sorry sad i hope you can sort this out.

WoeIsMeAgain Mon 10-Oct-11 16:14:01

So hes trying to turn it round on me for being a SAHM and not having a real job?

no he isnt. Maybe he was trying to solve a problem without worrying you being as you are pregnant again. You say you have £500 anyway spare. What did he say when you said that was available?

Shutupanddrive Mon 10-Oct-11 16:16:05

Have a look at his bank statements to see where this £500 has gone!

GoingToBeSick Mon 10-Oct-11 16:16:24

He isnt struggling, he earns a large wage. He didnt get overtime pay last month, and its going in this month instead. I told him at the time that I had the money if he needed it. And he didnt take out the loan before he found out his pay was "short", as I was sat next to him when he checked his payslip.

I'm not going to post on FB, I hate it when people overshare like this. But right now I'm seething and could see why they would want to tell people.

Faff he searched it, it wasnt a pop up.

Kat I thought everything was sorted, our relationship has been great. I only mentioned previous problems so I didnt get accused of dripfeeding. It was years ago, literally when we met.

TheFidgetySheep Mon 10-Oct-11 16:16:24

Whatever your problems, and I can see they are not fun, don't put anything on fb.

You cannot unring that bell, and it could make you even more unhappy.

Lilyloo Mon 10-Oct-11 16:18:55

Are you really sure he isn't struggling ? There are many ways of getting 500 quid cheaper than a payday loan when you are managing well financially.

TheRealMrsHannigan Mon 10-Oct-11 16:20:36

Could he have debts you may not know about? Is it likely he'd have kept something like that from you to stop you worrying?

Searching for escorts though would ring serious alarm bells with me, I'd want to see proof of what he spent this £500 on personally.

brianmayshair Mon 10-Oct-11 16:22:30

Sorry just searching prostitutes would be a massive deal breaker for me, what a massive twunt. Trust your instincts but don't do anything you can't take back. Poor you, you don't need this and don't let him blame you because you are pregnant/not working you have no reason to feel guilty, it's called life.

SardineQueen Mon 10-Oct-11 16:22:43

So he could have got £500 from you if he'd asked?

I think that he is spending money on something he doesn't want you finding out about. That combined with the escort searching.... It might be putting 2 and 2 together and making 5 but it really doesn't look good.

Kick2down Mon 10-Oct-11 16:24:19

Has he ever used a prostitute before, even way back, that you know of for sure?

Faffalina Mon 10-Oct-11 16:24:42

shutupanddrive I don't think prosititutes are proper listed businesses that would show on a bank statement... I guess they deal in cash!

StewieGriffinsMom Mon 10-Oct-11 16:26:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePumpkinofDoomandTotalCha0s Mon 10-Oct-11 16:34:36

agree with SGM. If he was forced by necessity to get a payday loan, then you need full and frank disclosure of income/outgoings etc. He's behaved in such a shady way that he deserves some hard questions, don't be guilted by the working so hard line hmm

GoingToBeSick Mon 10-Oct-11 16:35:11

gonna give you a little summary of text convo. he called, and i cried, and DC got scared sad feel like a shit mum now too:

me: I dont believe you. not even a little bit
him: it was purely fantasy. however distant we've been, i wouldnt do that
him: i promise i didnt. how can i prove it.
me: leave me alone for a bit. im upset and DC is scared
him: ok. but i have done all i can to be a good husband and daddy. i have not been to a prostitute. be angry about the money if you like, i was stupid but didnt want to be seen as a failurewhen it came to supporting you. im working extra hours to pay it off, even though id rather be home with you two.

lolaflores Mon 10-Oct-11 16:41:47

Horse fanny. Let it go for a bit, he will lie and twist if things are this early. Give him enough rope and all that. I didn't know there was an upper limit on being a good husband and daddy? You could drive a bus through all the shit on that. Sorry love, but none of it holds together. Bit of stoney silence, let all his shit come to the surface. I find silence very useful, liars feel the need to fill it and to drown out the sound of their grasping at straws. See how you get on

Malificence Mon 10-Oct-11 16:43:05

So what has he done with the £500?
If he's well paid ,presumably he doesn't rely on overtime and his normal wages cover the bills?

A normal person would have either asked the bank for an overdraft, or used a credit card for food and petrol, knowing it would be paid off when he got it the next month. He's panicking and said the first thing that came into his head imho, and it sounds like total BS.

GoingToBeSick Mon 10-Oct-11 16:43:07

I completely forgot! I already gave him £150 from my one account when his pay was short, and told him there was more in my other account and to take what he needed (he goes through town on his way to work) to make sure there was enough to cover the bills (we also had an extra bill to account for last month, am sure I mentioned it under my regular name so wont go into details)

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