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Omfg I've been accused of reporting to social work ..

(52 Posts)
droves Mon 10-Oct-11 13:16:46

Years ago ..Just found out that ex friend is telling people I tried to get her youngest son taken into care . I'm so angry , please calm me down before I go do something stupid.
What is worse she has posted her lies on Facebook.

Bit of background....her daughter was in care for years after being abused by a boyfriend . Her oldest sons father had custody ,and now he's 16 and is recently living with his mum. Youngest son is 11 , and was 3 when the nursery reported her for neglect. He was taken into care and ex friend was told to clean her house and buy I'm bedding & clothes before she got him back. I helped her do so , I gave her laminate flooring for his room and curtains and bedsheets and helped her redecorate her flat. I even went with her to lawyers and social work meetings to support her.
I did so because she had blood clot and was Ill I did not think it was fair , her house was dirty but she coudnt clean it if she had to rest could she ?

Eventually she got her boy back and things were ok .

Then her 15 yr old dd came to my house ,and told me her mum had beaten her up and had been hitting her all along . She broke down and told me she was going to run away or go to social work and put herself in care.

At that point I told friends dd she could stay at mine until it calmed down. My first thought was no , MY friend would never hit her dd , and that it's probably been an argument that teen girls and their,mums always have...normal stuff that would blow over in a few days. It was better the dd stayed where her mum would know she was safe and looked after.

All he'll broke loose , my friend was very aggressive and nasty and told me she would kick seven bells out of her dd she got home.She was punching my front door . The dd refused to go home and stayed a few weeks until she was 16 , she got a job and started to look for her own house. I never took money from her or claimed any benefits for the girl . Her mum still had Monday book ect for her (was 2003).The girl went to visit her uncle and family and decided to stay with them, it was the best thing for her .

I still wasn't talking to my ex friend two years later . She had moved in another bloke and when my son and stepson were out playing with her son about 6yrs ,and 10yrs old , this bloke started chasing my boys with a spade shouting he was going to chop dsd's head off with the spade .
Rightly so I went to see her , I told her what her dp had done and she laughed. I told her to watch her bloke near her son. Within 18 mths they had split because her dp had been hitting her ds.
I phoned the police about her bloke threatening my dad, they went round and gave him warning, they couldnt arrest him because she said he was with her and didn't do it.

Now she is saying I tried to get her son taken into care , and is using that incident as proof . Telling everyone I sent the police to take her boy into care.

Her oldest on has just told my oldest dd this , and she's put it on Facebook.

I'm furious that there is very little can do about this...I can't prove I didn't report her to social work anymore than she can prove I did , but people are listening to her . I suppose she's saying this because she must have been asked why we fell out , and she's not likely to say it's because she was hitting her daughter is she ?

Aibu to be so very angry ? , all I ever did was to try and help her.

droves Mon 10-Oct-11 13:18:58

Dss's head off , not dsd

droves Mon 10-Oct-11 13:19:54

Not dad , dsd
Stupid predictor thingy.

FearTricksPotter Mon 10-Oct-11 13:21:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy Mon 10-Oct-11 13:22:15

She sounds a real piece of work, and I suspect everyone who knows her, knows exactly what she is like, and are unlikely to believe a word she is saying.

droves Mon 10-Oct-11 13:23:38

Thing is a solicitors letter is not going to undo this. She wont go showing it to everyone she has lied too.
Might frighten her enough to stop her doing it any more.

eaglewings Mon 10-Oct-11 13:24:57

You know you did your best, you may just have to settle with knowing what the truth is and ignore her

AMumInScotland Mon 10-Oct-11 13:29:18

YANBU to be angry at her, but honestly does it make any difference to anyone you know and care about? Presumably anyone who knows you will know the truth of it, or at least know its not the sort of thing you would have done out of spite. And anyone who knows her and her history will have at least some doubts about her version of events.

Don't let it get to you.

FearTricksPotter Mon 10-Oct-11 13:29:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeremyVile Mon 10-Oct-11 13:31:57

She sounds like a car-crash, surely everyone who knows her must know (or at least suspect) that she's beyond rough.

I know it must be hard, but if I were you I'd let it go over my head.

How come you even know any of this? Cut off all ties.

droves Mon 10-Oct-11 13:33:07

Right I'm a twat . I've sent her a message on fb saying if she continues to accuse me of reporting her to social work , she will be hearing from my solicitor . Have also messaged her son the same thing .

droves Mon 10-Oct-11 13:35:14

Her son (16) is at school with my dd2 . We also have mutual acquaintances , who have told me the same thing.

FearTricksPotter Mon 10-Oct-11 13:36:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tyr Mon 10-Oct-11 13:43:46


You're not a twat but probably best not to send anything else.( What you have sent won't do any harm, if that's all it was)
She's a bunny boiler, probably known as one where it counts and the accusation only highlights the fact that there were serious issues with her care of the child.
Give her a shovel- she'll be in Austalia by the end of the month.

droves Mon 10-Oct-11 13:51:12

Defo won't send anymore messages , unless by lawyer.
Can't believe I was ever friends with that woman. I suppose I should be glad I'm not anymore.

WoeIsMeAgain Mon 10-Oct-11 14:31:08

she sounds charming

why would you want to have any dealings with her

just ignore it

LeBOF Mon 10-Oct-11 14:35:28

Rise above. So what? She sounds like somebody should have reported her- it's hardly a stain on your character, is it? Just block her and keep your head held high.

droves Mon 10-Oct-11 14:45:05

I don't want anything to do with ex-friend. She is trouble, I was disgusted by her behavior years ago , and she has just reminded me why I should avoid her.

Thing is other people are actually believing what she is telling them... Granted that those who she is saying this too don't know me that well , but this "story" is circulating and has filtered through to my daughter 's friends and their parents.

blackeyedsusan Mon 10-Oct-11 14:47:41

untrue accusations hurt. most people will not believe her. they will know what she is like. those who know both of you will be able to make their own judgments, those who only know her will not affect you anyway.

catsareevil Mon 10-Oct-11 14:51:39

What is wrong with reporting anything to social work? Whether you did or you didnt is irrelevent. Social works job is to respond appropriately to concerns raised. They have to traige referrals, not expect the general public to do it for them, IYSWIM.

droves Mon 10-Oct-11 14:55:27

I suppose people will think it very odd that her dd and youngest son both still talk to me . I don't know her middle child ,the boy that's at school with dd2 , as he was living with his dad who had custody . Ex friend didn't even have visits , I know because her dd told me ...I did not even know ex friend had 3 children until after we fell out shock

droves Mon 10-Oct-11 15:02:30

Catsarevil , I don't think there is anything wrong with asking social work to check on a child . It's just I did not do so , and know ex friend thinks it's probably the worst thing you could do.

IF she had been investigated , it would have been school or doctors or just the ss giving her a random check because of her history with them. I doubt it even happened .What i think is more likely is she made up the story to excuse why police were at her door when I reported her DP for threatening to cut off my stepsons head with a spade. Neighbors would have been curious.

makachu Mon 10-Oct-11 15:08:28

Wow sounds like the kids possibly WOULD be better off in care than with that nut case. I'd be tempted to out her on Facebook and let everyone know that you fell out because she is an abusive, nasty piece of work. Only you can judge what the best thing to do is for the sake of the kids, maybe it's not in their best interests to publicly shame their mother but I don't think it does anyone any good to sweep things under the carpet and let her carry on behaving this way. I am all riled on your behalf! Furthermore, social services are not evil child catchers who take children away and toss them in cages to spite bad parents.

droves Mon 10-Oct-11 15:20:52

Malachi of course social work are not evil child catchers , the thread is not about rights or wrongs in social work.

This woman was a friend who I helped regain custody of her youngest child back from social work. If I had not cleaned her house and helped her decorate she would never have got him back.

Now she is saying I tried to get him taken off her. 180 from the facts.
That's just evil .

BettyCash Mon 10-Oct-11 15:22:14

DON'T go badmouthing her on FB to other people - but by all means message her regards legal action, if she's told even two people lies about it I think you'd be in the right to pursue a libel action.

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